To Smash Things

grooveamatic

The kids outside the courthouse with their hair done up
And their button-down V-necks and suits
Are the shirtless tatooed varmints by night
Tipping gravestones
Drinking stolen Scotch whiskey.

Tonight they'll be going out again
With fines and citations
To smash things,
To make sure the world still feels them.

Peering out her window,
She'll see the flicker of their lighters
Across the field.

FinsburyParkCarrots

The first two stanzas seem to combine narratorial speech with the perspective of the widow mentioned in stanza three. Stanza three seems to come from the perspective of an omniscient narratorial speaker, catching the curtain-twitcher at voyeuristic play. I get that. The only thing I question is "She'll" in stanza three. That "She'll" has to agree with an intitial proper noun ("The Widow"), which means you have to name the curtain twitcher earlier in the poem. Obviously that won't fit. Would "That woman" replace "She'll" better in the penultimate line? It might maintain sympathy with the smashers, too.

ISN

The other day, Groover, I read an article on Yahoo about the most expensive bottle of whiskey being auctioned, and they mentioned that Scotch is whisky, and other kinds are whiskey.......it was a brilliant article, and it gave details of the difference between Irish and Scotch whiskies.....(apart from that, I haven't seen the original of this poem, but I like it......it's good to have a poem about things that go on at night while most of us are asleep)...

trappedinmyradio

grooveamatic wrote:

The kids outside the courthouse with their hair done up
And their button-down V-necks and suits
Are the shirtless tatooed varmints by night
Tipping gravestones
Drinking stolen Scotch whiskey.

Tonight they'll be going out again
With fines and citations
To smash things,
To make sure the world still feels them.

Peering out her window,
She'll see the flicker of their lighters
Across the field.

what is a button-down v-neck?

is this in a series or is this just a piece you've done...or do you have an idea for something?

i really like it

grooveamatic

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

The first two stanzas seem to combine narratorial speech with the perspective of the widow mentioned in stanza three. Stanza three seems to come from the perspective of an omniscient narratorial speaker, catching the curtain-twitcher at voyeuristic play. I get that. The only thing I question is "She'll" in stanza three. That "She'll" has to agree with an intitial proper noun ("The Widow"), which means you have to name the curtain twitcher earlier in the poem. Obviously that won't fit. Would "That woman" replace "She'll" better in the penultimate line? It might maintain sympathy with the smashers, too.

Do you mean like this:

Peering out her window,
The woman will see the flicker of their lighters
Across the field.

?

I'm not sure how I like the sound of that. It's a bit unwieldy. But I see what you mean about the agreement problem--I'm just not entirely sure how to fix it.

What about:

That woman,
Peering out her window,
Will see the flicker of their lighters
Across the field.

grooveamatic

trappedinmyradio wrote:

what is a button-down v-neck?

is this in a series or is this just a piece you've done...or do you have an idea for something?

i really like it

'button-down V-neck' was a sort of language meld....it establishes a certain quirkiness in the narrator.

This isn't in any series in any proper sense. But it fits with a lot of poems I've been doing lately that present solitary country living as less than idyllic. The madness of the boondocks.

I don't know, there's just something about big open fields and baying animals that reeks of mortality.

Ali

Nice groove.The poem has a great feel to it and is very truthful of life.At least here in the states anyway....


I like.

But when don't I really like your stuff?:)

grooveamatic

Ali wrote:

Nice groove.The poem has a great feel to it and is very truthful of life.At least here in the states anyway....


I like.

But when don't I really like your stuff?:)

Thanks dear. You are too fabulous.

How've you been?

Ali

Okay...and you.???
Had a wierd dream.I always have dreams that the devil gets me.This time...The devil possessed me and I gave him the finger.He was snarling and I started to pray in my dream and I suddenly woke up.Wierd,huh?
Its happened to me before...same snarling.
You ever have a dream like that?

grooveamatic

Ali wrote:

Okay...and you.???
Had a wierd dream.I always have dreams that the devil gets me.This time...The devil possessed me and I gave him the finger.He was snarling and I started to pray in my dream and I suddenly woke up.Wierd,huh?
Its happened to me before...same snarling.
You ever have a dream like that?

sorry. can't say I've ever had a dream like that. sounds horrible.

I gotta run babe...call me soon, we'll plan our meeting!

Ali

grooveamatic wrote:

sorry. can't say I've ever had a dream like that. sounds horrible.

I gotta run babe...call me soon, we'll plan our meeting!

Gotcha...just dream in peace tonight!!!!!!;)

grooveamatic

Can anyone think of a way that I could bring "she" into play at the beginning of the first stanza, or maybe even in a whole new stanza before the existing first stanza?

Fahka

this poem struck me like a scene from a movie ... one of those movies that you relate to instantly...


paints a wonderful image...


nice

VEDHEAD27

Love it groove! It really does paint such an incredible picture.

grooveamatic wrote:

To smash things,
To make sure the world still feels them.

Beautiful! Fav part without a doubt. Definitely feel it.

grooveamatic

VEDHEAD...you rule! Thanks for the kind words. Now: where is more of your stuff?