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I Can Laugh Now

grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
edited April 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
When once I can sit
And feel
And the air around me
Doesn't so much breathe
As it relaxes,

Whensomuch as
Head tilted back
Eyes asunder
The sky envelopes me

Spring

Dawning nights

I can laugh, now,
After the long winter
After the shards of sky fell
Melted
Were gone

I can laugh now
Mouth wide open
Toward that yawning moon
.........................................................................
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    grooveamatic wrote:
    When once I can sit
    And feel
    And the air around me
    Doesn't so much breathe
    As it relaxes,

    Whensomuch as
    Head tilted back
    Eyes asunder
    The sky envelopes me

    Spring

    Dawning nights

    I can laugh, now,
    After the long winter
    After the shards of sky fell
    Melted
    Were gone

    I can laugh now
    Mouth wide open
    Toward that yawning moon
    absolutely speaking the truth,
    groove....

    its hot inhere.....;)
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • pacifierpacifier Posts: 1,009
    nice one :)
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    i am having a hard time separating the thoughts...



    this poem makes me see you yawning in shards of glass


    owee
  • justdannojustdanno Posts: 24
    ^^^ I agree. I felt that some of the lines didn't flow into each other very well. I do like the poem just feel that it could flow better. Sorry.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Try decapitalising the line beginnings and tightening up syntax a little. I think it could work well.
  • asphaltasphalt Posts: 113
    i like it ..... love to relax a bit ...thanks groove
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    you all have some very good points...I do see how it could be improved a bit...thanks so much!
    .........................................................................
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