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more lyrics

sevensinssevensins Posts: 887
edited January 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
these lyrics i dont like very much but my band does. tell me what you think to help me deside wether to use them or not.i figure pj fans know the most about lyics.that and Dylan fans.
_____________________________________________________________
SEVEN
"BLACK & WHITE"

life~death
i'm somewere in between
inside everybodys souls oneday to be seen, nail my hands now to the cross
enbodyment of your loss
sinners become saints, a crying child faints
looking down, pain in his eyes
he dies

(chorus)-an i ask myself why
my child dies, from words never spoken,
sin not commited, never were, an my life remains a blur-

awake ~ sleeping
i'm somewere in between
outside my own heart never to be seen,stop a death create another
love is sin,love thy brother
rape my child, that child was me
looking down,i can finaly see
i die

-chorus-

break my soul down
kill away my dream
fight the evil
never to be seen
in my bed of dreams
pain is not a choice
agony and suffering
i make it my voice
http://www.myspace.com/pleasetryagain

http://www.myspace.com/alotalotbetweenus
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    Jesus, that was amazing! I love it.
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • sevensinssevensins Posts: 887
    you think so? thank you i apretieate you reading it.i havent been writing that long so complements feel a little weard.

    thank you
    http://www.myspace.com/pleasetryagain

    http://www.myspace.com/alotalotbetweenus
  • CHLOE DANCERCHLOE DANCER Posts: 44
    wow!
    Thanks.
    fk-ing wow!
  • sevensinssevensins Posts: 887
    Originally posted by CHLOE DANCER
    wow!
    Thanks.
    fk-ing wow!

    thanks
    and u can sware
    fuck fuck fuckin' fuck
    http://www.myspace.com/pleasetryagain

    http://www.myspace.com/alotalotbetweenus
  • bambi girlbambi girl Posts: 406
    sevensins, you have alot of talent and i hope noone will never tell you otherwise. it seems poeple here like them, and your band likes them so use them :)
  • Brain of JodieBrain of Jodie Posts: 200
    I really like that, i thought the lyrics were great! I don't know why you don't like them! Use them!
    I don't have to sell my soul, he's already in me

    If you've lost your faith in love and music the end won't be long
  • setaside2setaside2 Posts: 1,084
    yo seven...

    it's got flow, it's got FEEL. What more should you need? It grips, man. Take it away.

    Now you have to make the music match the intensity and color. IF you ask ME, the lyrics here set the tone. Your hard part is only beginning.

    PS, if you've just started writing, not like my opinion should matter at all, really, but you really do have a talent. Polish it up and your music and your words will stand on their own quickly. Nice work.

    Bring us more.
    I'm stepping in front of the gushing hydrant in a hurricane. I'd like to see the traction I keep.
  • sevensinssevensins Posts: 887
    thanks,but how do you feel about the chorus?
    thats the main thing i dont like
    http://www.myspace.com/pleasetryagain

    http://www.myspace.com/alotalotbetweenus
  • bambi girlbambi girl Posts: 406
    the chorus gave me chills when i first read it. i personally dont think its as good as the verses but i like it....and yeah it has alot of feeling hence the chills.
  • sevensinssevensins Posts: 887
    maby it was cold in your room
    http://www.myspace.com/pleasetryagain

    http://www.myspace.com/alotalotbetweenus
  • bambi girlbambi girl Posts: 406
    maybe, and you know i have been abit under the weather so that could be it....but no-it was deffinatly your lyrics!
  • BhagavadGitaBhagavadGita Posts: 1,748
    Originally posted by sevensins
    these lyrics i dont like very much but my band does. tell me what you think to help me deside wether to use them or not.i figure pj fans know the most about lyics.that and Dylan fans.
    _____________________________________________________________
    SEVEN
    "BLACK & WHITE"

    life~death
    i'm somewere in between
    inside everybodys souls oneday to be seen, nail my hands now to the cross
    enbodyment of your loss
    sinners become saints, a crying child faints
    looking down, pain in his eyes
    he dies

    (chorus)-an i ask myself why
    my child dies, from words never spoken,
    sin not commited, never were, an my life remains a blur-

    awake ~ sleeping
    i'm somewere in between
    outside my own heart never to be seen,stop a death create another
    love is sin,love thy brother
    rape my child, that child was me
    looking down,i can finaly see
    i die

    -chorus-

    break my soul down
    kill away my dream
    fight the evil
    never to be seen
    in my bed of dreams
    pain is not a choice
    agony and suffering
    i make it my voice

    have you hugged your inner child today?
  • ExodusExodus Posts: 212
    Originally posted by sevensins
    thanks,but how do you feel about the chorus?
    thats the main thing i dont like

    man....the chorus is the great part, i think....
    hmm...its really great to read, good stuff..
    to put to music though, could be really challeneging to get right unless you have a great combo goin.
    good luck with that

    PS.
    not only do i like the cut of your jib.
    i also likes the sound of your town.....
    Between the conception and the creation

    Between the emotion and the response

    Falls the shadow.
  • sevensinssevensins Posts: 887
    this ones been re-written so many times it's not even funny. hears it's final vertion:

    The Lounge Act
    "perish the thought"
    life~death
    well i'm somewere in between
    inside everybody souls
    never to be seen
    nail my hands now to the cross
    enbodyment of your loss oh no.....oh no

    -you raped my child in my house
    you know that child was me
    living life like a mouse
    dont ever want to be me-

    awake~sleeping
    well I'm somewere in between
    I take my sun and blot it out
    I'll contiue my sinfull powt oh no......OH YA!!!!

    - you raped my child in my house
    you know that child was me
    liveing life like a mouse
    dont ever want to be me-

    dont ever want to be you!!!!
    -solo-

    DONT EVEN THINK IT
    DONT EVEN THINK IT
    DONT EVEN THINK IT
    dont even think it..........
    http://www.myspace.com/pleasetryagain

    http://www.myspace.com/alotalotbetweenus
  • 2ndhandriot2ndhandriot Posts: 9
    its ok. but the 1st part seems a little like it was ripped off tool. with the hole jesus thing but hey whatever.
  • sevensinssevensins Posts: 887
    tool made jesus?
    http://www.myspace.com/pleasetryagain

    http://www.myspace.com/alotalotbetweenus
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