sevensins trys to write another poem

sevensins

this is my second try at a poem ( not lyrics ). Another for school, soposed to have to do with suprise, tell me what you think....please i'm so lonley :

OH WELL

It jumped, not so quietly
from the wall strait into my brain,
seeped through the cracks
drove me insane
I stood startled by the movement.....it all happend so.......quickly.....maby I wanted it to

It jumped again outside of my ear,
undernieth the scripted paper,
undernieth my tear......it grabbed me by the neck......it was slightly stronger than you

It pulled me under, cut me up,
took my money, took my faith,
and went forcefully for my love.....I resisted and won the small scirmish.....

only to return, startled by my sight

FinsburyParkCarrots

Reminds me of one I wrote when I was 14....


Sat Chit Ananda (Through a Numbskull's Eyes)

Shall I sing an ode to a beautiful city,
Rich in the emerald glow of the meadows?
Or shall I instead spit dissent at its outskirts,
Harbouring criminals floundering
in lakes of seclusion...
an illusion.

Do I belong to the carnival gallery?
Should I be standing right next to the balcony?
Or should I instead go back home on the highroad,
Savouring sufferance,
Enduring the knives of their stares:
Know what's there.

Come and take a journey through a numbskull's eyes
In the land of fortune everybody courts your lies
Dance with Cocktail Jezebel while worlds fall off and die...
In an antique world you start your voyage.....


Heading on a highroad with a razor-headed priest...
immaculate, we servants jibe these holy god diseased...
And the motor's burning on the passage far out east...
Our eventual death's our only knowledge.....




It goes on for ages....can't remember it all now....
it was 1986.....



It had couplets such as

"Great Uncle Joshua eyein' his daughter;
Japanese cameramen spyin' the slaughter"*

"Somehow my mind is doin' the Charleston;
I start to laugh, man, this is a milestone"

etc.....


Oh yeah, and


"Aristotle sittin' by the river dreamin' dreamy dreams:
Beside him Rene Descartes laughs
while pullin' on his jeans
But now we folks don't care too much and spit upon the scene...
We leave it all to where life ain't so hard, yah...."

But that's only a fraction....


In fact, I'm recalling a topical reference to Ollie North....how did it go????


(*One could change that to "Great fukka Dubya eyein' a quarter
Outta the millions lost on the slaughter",
nowadays....)

sevensins

yah yours even half done is better than mine, oh well one day i will write something good.....

Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
Reminds me of one I wrote when I was 14....


Sat Chit Ananda (Through a Numbskull's Eyes)

Shall I sing an ode to a beautiful city,
Rich in the emerald glow of the meadows?
Or shall I instead spit dissent at its outskirts,
Harbouring criminals floundering
in lakes of seclusion...
an illusion.

Do I belong to the carnival gallery?
Should I be standing right next to the balcony?
Or should I instead go back home on the highroad,
Savouring sufferance,
Enduring the knives of their stares:
Know what's there.

Come and take a journey through a numbskull's eyes
In the land of fortune everybody courts your lies
Dance with Cocktail Jezebel while worlds fall off and die...
In an antique world you start your voyage.....


Heading on a highroad with a razor-headed priest...
immaculate, we servants jibe these holy god diseased...
And the motor's burning on the passage far out east...
Our eventual death's our only knowledge.....




It goes on for ages....can't remember it all now....
it was 1986.....



It had couplets such as

"Great Uncle Joshua eyeing his daughter;
Japanese cameramen spying the slaughter...."

and

"Somehow my mind is doin' the Charleston;
I start to laugh, man, this is a milestone"

etc.....

FinsburyParkCarrots

I read your poem, my friend. You kept following that surprise with your senses, as it jumped and metamorphosed into a muse. Difficult to write about ... the problem is to turn turmoil into art.

sevensins

Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
I like your poem, my friend. You kept following that surprise with your senses, as it jumped and metamorphosed into a muse.

thanks I'm happy you understood it......i was afraid people would think it was about a rape.

FinsburyParkCarrots

That's the problem with poetry... it says ten things at once. Sometimes a hell of a lot more. Didn't see that. Must be dumb. Sorry.
Sorry. Yes. I am dumb. it's obvious now. God.

sevensins

no your not, you were right. its NOT about rape.

FinsburyParkCarrots

Ah I dunno....

maybe I need some more coffee.....

sevensins

it's about writing, when i wrote lyrics i liked for the first time. its about a muse. I was afraid people would think it was about rape, cuz it comes off that way. I wasnt ever raped....oh and I am a guy for the record.

FinsburyParkCarrots

Originally posted by sevensins
it's about writing, when i wrote lyrics i liked for the first time. its about a muse. I was afraid people would think it was about rape, cuz it comes off that way. I wasnt ever raped....oh and I am a guy for the record.

Oh right....

The more interpretations a poem presents, the better. An author can never dictate the effect of interpretation, really.

Keep writing! Keep posting!

sevensins

i think i will.....i like this poetry thing. lyrics are what i do, but i think i will do poetry as well, i just want to keep them different.