Unattended
innersense
Posts: 11
Never listening
so intently
for sound
from inatimacy
The silence pierces my ears
bringing with it
a solitude only
negligence could rival
The cycle breaks today
dreams and worries shattered
all over my bedroom floor
wiping the sweat from my brow,
blood from my leg
tear from my chin
Lying chest down instead of
to your back
pillow in my arms
instead of your weight
on top
underneath
(on the side?)
My dream and subconscious mind
betray you
as you have me,
You lead her within,
and then you call,
Unreciprocated
Brevity mars the experience
Too young and green
to have dried already
died already
Sweetness left unattended
is now basic
then bitter
In solitary silence,
I sit,
surrounded,
still waiting,
Covered and uncovered
all the same.
so intently
for sound
from inatimacy
The silence pierces my ears
bringing with it
a solitude only
negligence could rival
The cycle breaks today
dreams and worries shattered
all over my bedroom floor
wiping the sweat from my brow,
blood from my leg
tear from my chin
Lying chest down instead of
to your back
pillow in my arms
instead of your weight
on top
underneath
(on the side?)
My dream and subconscious mind
betray you
as you have me,
You lead her within,
and then you call,
Unreciprocated
Brevity mars the experience
Too young and green
to have dried already
died already
Sweetness left unattended
is now basic
then bitter
In solitary silence,
I sit,
surrounded,
still waiting,
Covered and uncovered
all the same.
"Let's pay teachers more and more...let's not waste money on fucking war..."-EV 7/12/03
"Speaking as a child of the 90's..."
"Speaking as a child of the 90's..."
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
"Speaking as a child of the 90's..."
I would swap the word "solitariness" for the phrase "a solitude". Solitariness is loneliness and solipsism and insularity and loss all rolled into one, whereas solitude can be a contemplative and pleasant aloneness.
But I think this is a very well written piece of work.
(Oh, and psst: note the typo in "intimacy" too.)
Good stuff.
ok fine..fins has proposed his genius .. a spell check would be good.. but this
The cycle breaks today
dreams and worries shattered
all over my bedroom floor
is awesome.. and you need to keep on thinking free... absolutely free
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
This is a really good stanza
Keep writing
on the whole I like it.....
"Speaking as a child of the 90's..."