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fear and love

EarthgirlEarthgirl Posts: 695
edited February 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
the unknown
so beautiful and mysterious
ice and snow beneath my feet
walking rapidly like a wild animal
reaching a tree
afraid
not moving not breathing
darkness moves in and hugs me
by body is frozen, the fear is endless
I can hear the sounds of night
reaching my body and holding me
embracing me like a warm blanket
not letting me go
so afraid but so alive and wanting more
I fall, I see darkness and stars
I feel love all around me
the darkness is my friend
the love is all around
cold.. warm feelings
confusion

I wrote this after a moonlight hike in the mountains alone..
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I like the way you sustain the use of the present tense.

    Could I make a tiny suggestion? Where you say

    walking rapidly like a wild animal

    Maybe the simile would have more impact if you name an animal and get into that animal's skin a little more, just for an extra line or so. Then you've got the reader walking totally in your skin in the manner of a particular animal. You've drawn the reader completely inside. :)


    Lovely, though!
  • EarthgirlEarthgirl Posts: 695
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    I like the way you sustain the use of the present tense.

    Could I make a tiny suggestion? Where you say

    walking rapidly like a wild animal

    Maybe the simile would have more impact if you name an animal and get into that animal's skin a little more, just for an extra line or so. Then you've got the reader walking totally in your skin in the manner of a particular animal. You've drawn the reader completely inside. :)


    Lovely, though!

    thank you so much for your feedback.. I dont write that much.. altho I have the passion and want.. I am inexperienced, I am raw.. I just write what comes to my mind at the time. thank you so much for your advice..
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    That rawness is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
  • EarthgirlEarthgirl Posts: 695
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    That rawness is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.


    you know what inspired me.. being so deeply in love with someone I can't have.. going out to the mountains to walk and lose myself and make sense of my being and wonder if I have the strength to let go of who I am now to have what I want after...
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Earthgirl wrote:
    you know what inspired me.. being so deeply in love with someone I can't have.. going out to the mountains to walk and lose myself and make sense of my being and wonder if I have the strength to let go of who I am now to have what I want after...


    Unrequited love is painful. Not as painful as watching the karaoke channel on Winamp TV,;) but painful. At least with unrequited love you can channel some of that pain towards beauty other people can share. :)
  • alluneedisluvalluneedisluv Posts: 97
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    Unrequited love is painful. Not as painful as watching the karaoke channel on Winamp TV,;) but painful. At least with unrequited love you can channel some of that pain towards beauty other people can share. :)
    maybe it's not unrequited, just circumstance??
    "Don't turn away from possible futures unless you're certain you have nothing to learn from them."
  • EarthgirlEarthgirl Posts: 695
    alluneedisluv wrote:
    maybe it's not unrequited, just circumstance??

    maybe .... maybe that it is. help me understand more right now.. tell me more of what you say.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    alluneedisluv wrote:
    maybe it's not unrequited, just circumstance??

    Maybe. Maybe much unrequited love is at least partially requited in heart but prevented by cirumstance.
  • EarthgirlEarthgirl Posts: 695
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    Maybe. Maybe much unrequited love is at least partially requited in heart but prevented by cirumstance.

    yes...........................
  • alluneedisluvalluneedisluv Posts: 97
    Earthgirl wrote:
    the unknown
    so beautiful and mysterious
    ice and snow beneath my feet
    walking rapidly like a wild animal
    reaching a tree
    afraid
    not moving not breathing
    darkness moves in and hugs me
    by body is frozen, the fear is endless
    I can hear the sounds of night
    reaching my body and holding me
    embracing me like a warm blanket
    not letting me go
    so afraid but so alive and wanting more
    I fall, I see darkness and stars
    I feel love all around me
    the darkness is my friend
    the love is all around
    cold.. warm feelings
    confusion

    I wrote this after a moonlight hike in the mountains alone..

    it's funny how you said "not moving, not breathing" and "my body is frozen" it sounds like this love is Not unrequited, just that circumstance prevents you from moving forward, or moving at all. Sometimes you just gotta jump in, get moving, and work for that love that could be All Yours, ya know???
    "Don't turn away from possible futures unless you're certain you have nothing to learn from them."
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    You ever hear of or see the movie "Earth Girls Are Easy"?....it's cheesy but your username brought it to mind so, I just had to say it! :D

    I thought your poem was beautiful and girl, there's nothing wrong with raw emotion! :) Hope you post more!
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • lovin kindlovin kind Posts: 268
    resting in the realm of innocence
    mind is singing yesterday
    i have both only one is good
    i have everything
    the truth is love
    the loss is hate

    how do i lose when im here
    a private message from someone who cares
    my song is replaying yesterday
    when love was the mending
    when tears were a friend

    and i walked away
    where i never checked
    because i knew you left
    and now im here again
    yet im scared that you are gone

    and im here again
    just waiting to hear
    if your doing okay


    your poem was good
    thanks to everyone who can read what i write without having to say something mean
  • pjjerseygirlpjjerseygirl Posts: 81
    alluneedisluv wrote:
    it's funny how you said "not moving, not breathing" and "my body is frozen" it sounds like this love is Not unrequited, just that circumstance prevents you from moving forward, or moving at all. Sometimes you just gotta jump in, get moving, and work for that love that could be All Yours, ya know???

    sometimes forget why i love you!
    seriously you talk too much sometimes.....
  • alluneedisluvalluneedisluv Posts: 97
    pjjerseygirl wrote:
    sometimes forget why i love you!
    seriously you talk too much sometimes.....
    when you're right, you're right. last night was a little ridiculous lolol. No sleep this wknd, I think I went a little haywire hahahahaha!!! I hope everyone forgives me....Uh, I'm gonna shut up now :-)
    "Don't turn away from possible futures unless you're certain you have nothing to learn from them."
  • pjjerseygirlpjjerseygirl Posts: 81
    wanna go for another ride?
  • alluneedisluvalluneedisluv Posts: 97
    Im on my way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    "Don't turn away from possible futures unless you're certain you have nothing to learn from them."
  • pjjerseygirlpjjerseygirl Posts: 81
    breakin the law
  • pjjerseygirlpjjerseygirl Posts: 81
    lovin kind wrote:
    resting in the realm of innocence
    mind is singing yesterday
    i have both only one is good
    i have everything
    the truth is love
    the loss is hate

    how do i lose when im here
    a private message from someone who cares
    my song is replaying yesterday
    when love was the mending
    when tears were a friend

    and i walked away
    where i never checked
    because i knew you left
    and now im here again
    yet im scared that you are gone

    and im here again
    just waiting to hear
    if your doing okay


    your poem was good
    i like it :)
  • EarthgirlEarthgirl Posts: 695
    Being Enlightened wrote:
    You ever hear of or see the movie "Earth Girls Are Easy"?....it's cheesy but your username brought it to mind so, I just had to say it! :D

    I thought your poem was beautiful and girl, there's nothing wrong with raw emotion! :) Hope you post more!

    yah, I've heard about that movie.. too funny. :) Thanks for thinking my poem was beautiful. I am a painter first... I thought it would be interesting to see how my emotions would come out on paper instead of always paint and pencil. I dont care that I make mistakes or spell words wrong or dont' make sense.. it just means something to me.
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Earthgirl wrote:
    yah, I've heard about that movie.. too funny. :) Thanks for thinking my poem was beautiful. I am a painter first... I thought it would be interesting to see how my emotions would come out on paper instead of always paint and pencil. I dont care that I make mistakes or spell words wrong or dont' make sense.. it just means something to me.

    Yeah, Jeff Goldblum, Jim Carrey, Damon Wayans, Geena Davis are in it...shoot, even Michael Keaton...I'm gonna have to rent that again some day. :D Gotta love 80's flicks!

    Oh girl! You're a painter!!! :) It'd be awesome if you could somehow post a pic of something you painted. It'd also be lovely if you could paint your emotions and then write some words to accompany what you painted or drew...:) And exactly, who cares if you make a few mistakes, jeez, that's how you keep getting better--just keep at it! Being an artiste, you certainly know that art is open to interpretation, so, even if you feel it may not make sense to someone else, you may be surprised what meaning they pull from it. :) It could be WAY off from what you were trying to portray but it's cool to see how other people respond or react. Hope you post more! :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • twin1twin1 Posts: 902
    I really like this one. I could easily picture myself in your shoes...good descriptions. :)
    Our love must not be just words, but True Love, which shows itself in action,
    No one needs a smile more than someone who fails to give one,
    After you die...you know how to LIVE!
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