over the top?

xmascleanlove

#2

licorice alarm clock
tickled nose
traced sleeping smile

i slipped her
out of her clothes
as i slipped out of mine

i was slipping my hands
under her shirt
slipping out of my mind

saw buried treasures
in sapphire eyes
after sun spit in silk hair
they cast upon magenta lips
neon blue shimmers shine

but i was too young to care

had to smash her face
with choclate cake
to explain such cane sugar taste

scorching memories of cleaning it up
touching tongues
staying afloat after falling in love

rock
embedded
above raspberry lips
weighed heavy on heart
while hands held smooth hips

tasted twinkling candy starlight
when we kissed
and believe me
we kissed

but beauty brings behind itself
sorrow to follow bliss

after sticking the knife
back into my life
i became discontent wearing fault
since then
i've really quit carrying
much if ever at all

because years have murdered
our months in you

a crime against a crime

just like i killed any
us in you

how often does he cum
in you?

ONCE UPON A TIME?!?!

i'm through bleeding
any louder
all this screamings
made me
soft
a she's since seemed ever prouder
getting on to get him off

this vulture
victimized
was flying

feathers
long before i
set her
free

ithelpstothinksheswallowshimbecauseheisn'tme

anyone disagree?

licorice alarm clock
my dog eats without thinking twice
never mattered
why get madder

take my apologies
with this polite resign

we'll just leave things far from fine

xmascleanlove

lots of views no replies...please...if it sucks...tell me why and how i can make it better...that's what i'm looking for more than praise anyways

olderman

i cannot tell you how to make it better.. however, i will say that i can remember a time when i too felt the emotions that you express in your poem.. the bitterness, love, lust, sadness, emptiness and the craziness one feels in the "soon after the relationship is over" days. i can say that i liked this poem because i certainly can feel it, even now, many years later and many miles down the road.