Come Down
mulac
Posts: 97
the wind blows through your hair
which was once soft to the touch
a rough sandstorm piercing the air
your eyes betray no expression
but the stagnant glaze only i know
has the power of a great wall
beauty has faded to black
where every second discovers a new pain
and a finality that summons loss
we knew a plane above speech
but our mouths were sewn shut
and our words were full of emptiness
there is a place where no one can go alone
and few leave together
unless released
which was once soft to the touch
a rough sandstorm piercing the air
your eyes betray no expression
but the stagnant glaze only i know
has the power of a great wall
beauty has faded to black
where every second discovers a new pain
and a finality that summons loss
we knew a plane above speech
but our mouths were sewn shut
and our words were full of emptiness
there is a place where no one can go alone
and few leave together
unless released
the passenger is life
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Love the ending:
"there is a place where no one can go alone
and few leave together
unless released"
Clever unexpected tension in the contrast between the memory of the soft touch of a lover's hair (=comfort) and the sight of all those memories, dreams and associations thrown into disarray when a rough, abrasive sandstorm (a metaphor for the violent aridness of dead love?) scatters the beautiful tableau of past images held dear.
I appreciate the idea that estranged lovers' mouths are sewn shut, metaphorically, by the use of empty words...the only problem I have is in visualising it... in such a richly imagistic poem, is there another line or image that will say the same thing as "and our words are full of emptiness"? This is just a suggestion, mate...you can ignore it. No "critic" is God!
Cheers
Finsbury
hmmm...
it is violent
violence on morphine
everything loud
yet silent at the same time...
like a mouth with no toungue
open and wishing to speak
but not having anything to say