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Show Me Real Power

theVerbToTrusttheVerbToTrust Posts: 33
edited March 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
i hold a weapon of power
as i sit and play these strings
potential to change the world
around me fix the things gone wrong

what to say, i should say it all
there she is but my power is gone
try to speak, where's the captain of love?
she walks away, every step is a mile

exercise the body and mind
got a voice, it will be heard
what you need i can provide
do not fear for i am your strength

what to say, i should say it all
there she is but my power is gone
try to speak, where's the captain of love?
she walks away, every step is a mile

i do not run, i will not hide
one on one i will take it on
what i know will keep me true
i am prepared for all to end

what to say, i should say it all
there she is but my power is gone
try to speak, where's the captain of love?
she walks away, every step is a mile

she walks away... i cant change anything



i have never written any lyrics before. something compelled me to this time. what do you think?
i wish i was the verb "to trust" and never let you down

tremorvoid - "id rather you smashed your member into me instead"
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • even flow?even flow? Posts: 8,066
    There is never any bad lyrics/words that come from the heart and soul and brain. This was good. Don't be so hard on yourself. Two lines can put tears in people's eyes and stir the soul. Good that you put it out there for people to read and if they feel inclined to, critisise.
    You've changed your place in this world!
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    I like it! :) I liked how you kept returning to the same question for the chorus: "where's the captain of love?, she walks away, every step is a mile" but would blast back with positivity throughout the body! I found the very last line to be so very sad but I think that feeling of "giving up" is maybe what you were striving for...I have to say, I much preferred the positivity of lines like: "potential to change the world around me fix the things gone wrong"---but that's because I believe that we all have the potential to change the world!

    Keep up the good work! :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • little_wishlittle_wish Posts: 532
    Excellent work I loved this. It raises questions, answers them and elaborates. I love how you constructed it. Well done.
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    "The live shows? Well, that's church on Sundays"
  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    Thank you for sharing this!! I really agree with everything BeingEnlightened had to say about your lyrics. Especially the part where he/she mentioned the negative chous and then positive body...

    beautiful beautiful, well constructed piece.

    don't be shy from now on, show us your stuff!! I can tell you've got great potential.

    --Jessie :)
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • SchlitzSchlitz Posts: 141
    Very very good! I liked it a lot!
    i have to remain at top sassiness, even though my inner sass is struggling
  • theVerbToTrusttheVerbToTrust Posts: 33
    wow this is very encouraging. maybe i will do this again sometime. thanks a lot everyone
    i wish i was the verb "to trust" and never let you down

    tremorvoid - "id rather you smashed your member into me instead"
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    BEWARE: Everyone always only encourages here.
  • theVerbToTrusttheVerbToTrust Posts: 33
    Originally posted by Goulet
    BEWARE: Everyone always only encourages here.

    yeah that is a problem. i want real opinions. if it sucks then you tell me it sucks. i am not a writer, i wont be hurt
    i wish i was the verb "to trust" and never let you down

    tremorvoid - "id rather you smashed your member into me instead"
  • ForeverAJammerForeverAJammer Posts: 116
    i really lovvvvvvvve this.....if this is the ure first time writing lyrics for the love of god please dont stop!!! i bet eds lyrics wernt this good the first time he wrote a song seriously, its so good and ure amazing.....keep writing:)
    i miss you already...


  • ForeverAJammerForeverAJammer Posts: 116
    and im not blowing smoke, if i dont like what someone writes i just dont reply to it......:)
    i miss you already...


  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by ForeverAJammer
    and im not blowing smoke, if i dont like what someone writes i just dont reply to it......:)

    DING! Exactly! :)

    There's nothing wrong with encouraging people, in my opinion. Constructive criticism is helpful but there's no point in replying to someone just to say "that sucks, dude." :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • EvilToasterElfEvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
    that sucks, dude
  • FancyFacadeFancyFacade Posts: 330
    i agree with being enlightened....good words.. ;)
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