Stormed reflections

Buru

Water bubbles spit on the hard surface
Of a floor grown wet
And an earth shrunk into hostility,
Absorbing the liquid assault
Into mud pools of floating souls...
Reflections ghostly and wuthering
Look back and wince
Under the drumming
Of a thousand feeling fingers
Slithering and sliding
Through soaked countenances...
The trickles making their way
Through human slopes
Of flesh and clothes,
Cling to fabric and tickle skin
In ondulating weavings.
An old woman's rumblings
Belch from froth stemmed lips
In gutural sounds
Travelling through open landscape,
Regurgitated feelings
Of unease
Plague the skies and city folk
Hiding under umbrellas...
Rushing through streets and life.
And then...
The sun shines somewhere
A wink of a light,
Amidst tall strangers of grey black cotton,
Pushing shoulders and shifting weight...
A small smile, so bright
Seeping and loving,
Reminds us of David and Goliath
As this behemoth of a storm
Is reduced to the spluttering falterings
Of a mind already tired of crying,

I can almost feel the rainbows...


Buru.

EvilToasterElf

I hope you come back to this piece periodically. It shows a lot of promise. I think one problem is that you may not be so sure of what you want the poem to say, it seems a little scattershot.

A few of the images seemed forced. For instance the water described as a "liquid assault" and "undulating weavings"

However, those are pretty minor compared to some of the awesome imagery you used throughout.

this whole section really appealed to me,

"Reflections ghostly and withering
Look back and wince
Under the drumming
Of a thousand feeling fingers
Slithering and sliding
Through soaked countenances...
The trickles making their way
Through human slopes
Of flesh and clothes, "

I've enjoyed your stuff in the past

DopeBeastie

Too cool, Buru

I read this while standing at the PC. I stepped back and forth while reading it through three times, resulting in my ability to see this scene from three different points of view? (Make sense?)

1st: up close: Lots of small noticings> Cotton clouds. The "wink of light". Nice imagery.

2nd: walking down the street during the storm: Torrential> (I remember seeing a flood on T.V. in Sao Paulo. This is a very good description of what I saw. Thick, brown, choking streams of water. Choking the street, and the people trying to move through it.

3rd: atmospheric: Gorgeous and Divine. Thinking.


I think it's fascinating. It makes me think of a lot of stuff .

Being Enlightened

I can almost feel the rainbows too!!! I loved the ride this took me on, Buru.