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Long distance

BuruBuru Posts: 8,473
edited February 2007 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
The phone tears you way
from your automated stance,
that work personna
you carry on your shoulders
9 to 5 each day...

Stuck in an office for three more hours
you realize
you have absolutely no idea
of life and loss,
or choices...

The chances untaken wither
like terminal patients
dying on beds
in hospitals,
while the faces of family
smile
in portraits
oh so
cruelly.




catharsis of sorts...
y la banda de Guille... cuando toca?
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • BuruBuru Posts: 8,473
    The phone tears you way
    from your automated stance,
    that work personna
    you carry on your shoulders
    9 to 5 each day...

    Stuck in an office for three more hours
    you realize
    you have absolutely no idea
    of life and loss,
    or choices...

    The chances untaken wither
    like terminal patients
    dying on beds

    in hospitals,

    while the faces of family
    smile

    in portraits

    oh

    so

    cruelly.


    And you wish you could believe everything
    is going to be alright.
    y la banda de Guille... cuando toca?
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    Hey Buru...

    flesh out this idea that the untaken chances, the decisions not made... that those options die...

    and then flesh out the part about the portraits of smiling family (interesting that they are not there in person?) how can you develop that thought in the same metaphorical vein?

    a very interesting excersize to take this metaphor a couple of levels deeper... the trick will be not falling into cliche' :) best to keep the lines smudged and kinda blurry, yes?


    xo
    Rachel
  • BuruBuru Posts: 8,473
    PastaNazi wrote:
    Hey Buru...

    flesh out this idea that the untaken chances, the decisions not made... that those options die...

    and then flesh out the part about the portraits of smiling family (interesting that they are not there in person?) how can you develop that thought in the same metaphorical vein?

    a very interesting excersize to take this metaphor a couple of levels deeper... the trick will be not falling into cliche' :) best to keep the lines smudged and kinda blurry, yes?


    xo
    Rachel

    thanks for the input, Rachel

    I don't think I will work much on it though, seeing as it was something i spewed out in a moment of grief(?) - and it's pretty crappy lol
    y la banda de Guille... cuando toca?
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    oh, i have reams of the stuff, so I completely got 'cha....

    i have to make my job interesting sometimes. yesterday i took it upon myself to document in writing what went wrong when somebody really messed up their time... it took like an hour, but now the simplest simplemind can understand it. i didn't have to do it, it was just an excersize... and if i need another one, maybe i can try to come up with something here? would you mind if i fiddled around with this piece?

    btw ~ I do hope everything is already much better ;):):):)
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