in my dying days
suede
Posts: 247
in my dying days
(about her and those days)
i was sitting there, in the cold,
starring at the door,
no one coming Home.
an empty house that used to be a Home,
sofa against the wall,
sitting there, in the cold.
my dog on the ottoman,
knowing he was seeing me for one of the last times.
looking out to the gravel road,
as the darkness set in,
i just sat there.
i couldn't see you,
and you couldn't see a reason to stay with me.
my eyes were dressed in my Sunday best,
i couldn't believe the view,
never seen anything so...
so terrible.
you know those dreams that you have? the really bad ones?
and you wake up, and you're so glad it was only a dream?
well, you see, that's what i thought it was.
that's what i thought was happening.
i thought, surely, it was only a dream, right?
you know...one of those really bad ones.
so, i woke up, and looked around with my eyes half shut.
my dog, he had moved onto the sofa, next to me.
that was the only thing that had changed.
i'm now fairly certain it's true what they say about dogs.
you know...about being a man's best friend and all.
as for you? well, there was nothing left of you.
though i'd swear the color of paint on the walls...
spelled out your name,
and that it was hand picked by you.
it wasn't.
the walls were that color when we moved in.
you know the color,
the one that paints a perfect backdrop,
a backdrop to project the past two years of my life...
on the big empty wall in front of me.
and what about the cats? well, they were already gone, too.
you took them with you the very first day, remember?
funny how in times like these i remember all of life's subtleties.
now i'm remembering when you would say,
that things would be okay. they'd be okay.
everything would be okay.
that you just needed some time. some time.
that you were lucky.
you felt so lucky,
to have met me,
to have everything.
you just needed some time away.
now, i'm sitting here with nothing, and i don't feel so lucky.
time away turned into a life apart.
and a life apart turned into my life without me.
i mean, i knew what was happening. i knew it was the end.
i guess i didn't want things to end.
i knew i would be a different person. i knew i was gonna change.
i would have to. i was changing. i had no choice.
i...i had no choice.
you know what they say, it's a learning experience.
you live and you learn...that you'll Love again.
who are these people that say these things?!?
i'm pretty sure that, yes, it was a learning experience,
though an experience i did not want to experience.
i'm still around, doing the living and the learning...but, Love again?
oh, i just don't know.
how can one possibly open themselves up again, and trust...
or try to?
how can i not have every doubt in my mind?
how can i not?
after all, this one's about me, i'm writing it.
so, i'm just here, typing away, about past days,
that don't seem so far away, when, really...they are.
typing away, about her and those days, about me...
in my dying days.
i dunno, i think back to all of that from time to time,
to reevaluate what i'm doing, what i want.
"all of that."
yeah, whatever.
so, as usual, i end up back here, writing about it,
rather than doing something about it.
i guess this is safer, you know?
that's about it for now.
the names and the faces have not changed...
but the people have.
it's really not worth talking about anymore. i realize that.
i realize that now.
-kNb/04.14.2004
(about her and those days)
i was sitting there, in the cold,
starring at the door,
no one coming Home.
an empty house that used to be a Home,
sofa against the wall,
sitting there, in the cold.
my dog on the ottoman,
knowing he was seeing me for one of the last times.
looking out to the gravel road,
as the darkness set in,
i just sat there.
i couldn't see you,
and you couldn't see a reason to stay with me.
my eyes were dressed in my Sunday best,
i couldn't believe the view,
never seen anything so...
so terrible.
you know those dreams that you have? the really bad ones?
and you wake up, and you're so glad it was only a dream?
well, you see, that's what i thought it was.
that's what i thought was happening.
i thought, surely, it was only a dream, right?
you know...one of those really bad ones.
so, i woke up, and looked around with my eyes half shut.
my dog, he had moved onto the sofa, next to me.
that was the only thing that had changed.
i'm now fairly certain it's true what they say about dogs.
you know...about being a man's best friend and all.
as for you? well, there was nothing left of you.
though i'd swear the color of paint on the walls...
spelled out your name,
and that it was hand picked by you.
it wasn't.
the walls were that color when we moved in.
you know the color,
the one that paints a perfect backdrop,
a backdrop to project the past two years of my life...
on the big empty wall in front of me.
and what about the cats? well, they were already gone, too.
you took them with you the very first day, remember?
funny how in times like these i remember all of life's subtleties.
now i'm remembering when you would say,
that things would be okay. they'd be okay.
everything would be okay.
that you just needed some time. some time.
that you were lucky.
you felt so lucky,
to have met me,
to have everything.
you just needed some time away.
now, i'm sitting here with nothing, and i don't feel so lucky.
time away turned into a life apart.
and a life apart turned into my life without me.
i mean, i knew what was happening. i knew it was the end.
i guess i didn't want things to end.
i knew i would be a different person. i knew i was gonna change.
i would have to. i was changing. i had no choice.
i...i had no choice.
you know what they say, it's a learning experience.
you live and you learn...that you'll Love again.
who are these people that say these things?!?
i'm pretty sure that, yes, it was a learning experience,
though an experience i did not want to experience.
i'm still around, doing the living and the learning...but, Love again?
oh, i just don't know.
how can one possibly open themselves up again, and trust...
or try to?
how can i not have every doubt in my mind?
how can i not?
after all, this one's about me, i'm writing it.
so, i'm just here, typing away, about past days,
that don't seem so far away, when, really...they are.
typing away, about her and those days, about me...
in my dying days.
i dunno, i think back to all of that from time to time,
to reevaluate what i'm doing, what i want.
"all of that."
yeah, whatever.
so, as usual, i end up back here, writing about it,
rather than doing something about it.
i guess this is safer, you know?
that's about it for now.
the names and the faces have not changed...
but the people have.
it's really not worth talking about anymore. i realize that.
i realize that now.
-kNb/04.14.2004
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Comments
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
no, thank you