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Where's The Sunshine?

Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
edited February 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Metal nails down a chalk board
Makes skin ring
With twisted shivers
Like those kept under covers
After waking from the nightmares

Train pounding by the house
Makes teeth rattle
With baby's toys
Like those kept in the closet
After the carriage is missed

Dog's howls from the yard
Makes eyes water
With heartfelt sorrow
Like those feelings kept inside
After realizing you had them

Oh, to bathe in the moonlight and come morn, evaporate in the beautiful light of the sun!
Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • YellowYellow Posts: 699
    wonderful, being...

    thank you :)
    It's all yellow.


  • john girljohn girl Posts: 308
    and the 1st stanza is descriptively "cold", but makes me think about Freddy Krueger movies-

    Chalkboards, you could expand another stanza from that first line,

    and then from your second line keep that as the second stanza.

    good job, except I want more from the beginning, just a thought

    and one more thought, I think short poems deserve thought provoking/ power symbolic titles.

    I do like your words, BE, anxious for more

    I'll fuck off now!
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Thank you darlings! :)

    And you don't have to fuck off john girl, I like seeing you hanging around!
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • john girljohn girl Posts: 308
    I like what everyone gives to eachother here.
  • idratherbeidratherbe Posts: 367
    Nice, and thought-provoking. I like the first and third stanzas the best.

    ~peace~
    Never allow someone to be your Priority,
    While allowing yourself to be their Option.

    ‹^›_‹(ô¿ô)›_‹^›

    Please visit daily: www.theanimalrescuesite.com
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    I love what everyone gives eachother here, john girl! We've got ourselves a great bunch of people here, we really do!

    And much thanks idratherbe! :)

    Sometimes I stanza, sometimes I just sit. :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • idratherbeidratherbe Posts: 367
    That was a good'un. :cool:

    ~peace~
    Never allow someone to be your Priority,
    While allowing yourself to be their Option.

    ‹^›_‹(ô¿ô)›_‹^›

    Please visit daily: www.theanimalrescuesite.com
  • CranMalReignCranMalReign Posts: 1,928
    Originally posted by Being Enlightened
    Makes skin ring
    With twisted shivers

    ::applauds slant rhyme::

    Hooray! Melikey!
    • 98 Pgh
    • 00 Pgh
    • 03 Pgh|Philly|PSU|Camden 1+2|Hershey
    • 04 Boston 1|Reading
    • 05 Philly
    • 06 Camden 1+2|Pgh
    • 08 Camden 1+2|Hartford|Mansfield 2
    • 09 Philly 1 [EV]|Toronto|Spectrum 1-4
    • 10 Cleveland|Buffalo
    • 11 Philly [EV]|PJ20
    • 12 Philly
    • 13 London|Pgh|Buff|Philly 1+2|Balt
    • 14 Cincy|StL
    • 16 Philly 1+2|Philly 2 [TotD]
    • 18 Boston 1+2
  • Radar(Baba)O'RileyRadar(Baba)O'Riley Posts: 947
    Originally posted by CranMalReign
    ::applauds slant rhyme::

    Hooray! Melikey!
    She's slanty
    She gets around
    She's slanty
    Man, she's always down
    She's slanty
    She's got it right
    She's slanty
    Yeah she's just my type
    She's slanty!
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Thanks guys! I walk the slanty path, maybe that's why I'm always slipping and sliding away. :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • cassiacassia Posts: 277
    ~~miss Your sunbeams, TOO :)~~

    i love the end....to bathe in moonlight....
    Stevens has a line
    to bathe their hearts in later moonlight, or some such....
    and i have a line
    where
    sunlight dissolves thought~~
    in
    a blissful way
    when i used to live by the ocean, some days that brilliance clear warm blue and goldorbed sun would lift a thousand cares away!
    sprinkles and lovepetals, be
  • phishgodphishgod Posts: 133
    "Oh, to bathe in the moonlight and come morn, evaporate in the beautiful light of the sun!"

    B-eautiful B-eautiful....
    nice work...
    rockon,
    phishgod
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