The Day Things Changed

dotheevolukin

She took my hand in hers
We talked confidently in a western direction
I must admit my nerves were active
As we approached the capital

I've never understood the need for war
But I've lived in ignorance
Until today, I've changed my mind
The stance has stood
and I'm left feeling empty

Something has changed
Something I can't explains
It's as if I've been reborn
These feelings are so clear
For the first time

EvilToasterElf

I will simply offer constructive criticism as is my want,

Second line

Talks should be walk I assume
Just say, "we walked west"
more direct, more powerful, same intention

"I must admit"
chuck it, simplify the line

Something has changed

just say, something changed

"It's as if I've been reborn"
drop the it's or just say I've been reborn

If this looks terse don't take it the wrong way, there's just a lot of very simply things you can do to make definitive and dramatic effects on your poetry, the same thing works for prose, just eliminating a half dozen extraneous words can completely revitalize a work

Nice job, keep posting

PrettyNoose

wow you've captured the essence of change so perfectly

i thoroughly enjoyed it.