An Afternoon, Seated (16 Novembre 2005

trappedinmyradiotrappedinmyradio Posts: 1,189
edited November 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
The sun, cut by a broken wall of Autumn-infested tree branches,
falls onto the naked skin on the unclothed parts of my body.
Compartmentalized portions of life and death - the unpainted picket fence.
Simultaneously, my body, in on inch slivers, feels optimistic and pessimistic.
The flow, and lack, of blood, much like the slats of the bench
on which I sit, is magnified by the warmth of this solar eye.
These are staggered day and night just as they come in reality.
Or, maybe, day to day, like the pulse of the cyclothymic mind.
One up and one down and we haven't yet went under the clothes.
Today, it's a black Ramones' presidential seal shirt with faded,
tight, holes in the knees jeans...to let it breathe - to get it out.
I am neither the meditating Lakota Sioux nor the Zen hopeful, with
downcast eyes, pondering the absence of clarity - static strewn.
Now, the cluttered noise of preoccupation overtakes the moment.
The sun has fallen long ago but I was in it - I was lost.
It's a peck on the shoulder and a jerk around to a cup
rattling with change and a place for, "Help me, just this once, please?"
Somehow, in the face of reality, the lattus-work life and death
seems quite miniscule. I dig in my pocket and drop
in what I have as I walk away - still alive another day.
I'll dig a tunnel
from my window to yours
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    This one is amazingly good!
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • justam wrote:
    This one is amazingly good!

    such high praise - thank you so very much.
    I'll dig a tunnel
    from my window to yours
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    such high praise - thank you so very much.

    You're welcome!

    I loved the way I could picture someone on the bench and feel the cold and warm spots like she(he?) did and imagine the person sitting so distracted that the time passed unnoticed. :)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • justam wrote:
    You're welcome!

    I loved the way I could picture someone on the bench and feel the cold and warm spots like she(he?) did and imagine the person sitting so distracted that the time passed unnoticed. :)

    honestly, the fact that you can see that...that makes me very happy...
    I'll dig a tunnel
    from my window to yours
  • even flow?even flow? Posts: 8,066
    Nice!!!!!!
    You've changed your place in this world!
  • I think the level of the vocabulary coupled with the longer lines makes it a little harder to follow than it would be broken into smaller chunks - I do the same thing with a lot of my stuff, sometimes it's just easier to write in full sentences but when you go back and start breaking it down - you can really put emphasis on some of the turns of phrase - extrapolate a lot of the images - nice poem though
  • I think the level of the vocabulary coupled with the longer lines makes it a little harder to follow than it would be broken into smaller chunks - I do the same thing with a lot of my stuff, sometimes it's just easier to write in full sentences but when you go back and start breaking it down - you can really put emphasis on some of the turns of phrase - extrapolate a lot of the images - nice poem though

    i thought about paring it down, but then realized that my personality is in there. and i like that. i have a hard time letting go and myself and letting him enter into anything completely fabricated. i totally get what you're saying though and, definitely, i will continue tinkering with it. thanks.
    I'll dig a tunnel
    from my window to yours
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