The Echo (12 December 2005)

trappedinmyradio

i'm the name in the hat that's last
the piece of paper stuck to the under-side
of the rim, so it takes some care to find me
once located, i'm wrinkled and tired
trying to find my wind among the
world of front-running somethings

time can find us all in a place of certain
horror with our faces contorted in a circus
mirror...stretched and then fattened...
our eyes are always what give us away
in the end. our tears will fall from them all,
and i'll always stand in the rain.

honey, i'm home and the echoes...
the realizations, that overcome the intruder
in his own home, are the ones that shout
back softer and softer...depends on the surface.
the anchor-line breaks and slowly falls into
the dark water below the frozen calm of winter.

friday night and it's party time in a small town.
honey, i'm lost and the voices...
i have to turn the shower on...cold water...
to drowned out the truthful verses of life.
laughing becomes so much easier when all
the lights are out and she's home.

FinsburyParkCarrots

I like the way you maintain that understated yet elegiac voice through the deliberate use of everyday language. I've found in my experience that there are poetry forums that discourage a writer's use of a deliberately proasaic, conversational voice and standard imagery (supposedly as cliche, whatever that is or isn't). However, I think it takes a lot of accomplishment and maturity to do it: It makes certain lines stand out all the more and ring as more human. Good poem.

trappedinmyradio

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

I like the way you maintain that understated yet elegiac voice through the deliberate use of everyday language. I've found in my experience that there are poetry forums that discourage a writer's use of a deliberately proasaic, conversational voice and standard imagery (supposedly as cliche, whatever that is or isn't). However, I think it takes a lot of accomplishment and maturity to do it: It makes certain lines stand out all the more and ring as more human. Good poem.

well, thank you very much. someone told me to write what i know...i get lost trying to do anything else.

Being Enlightened

"our eyes are always what give us away
in the end." ---- SO TURE!

I like how human your poem is. It's very touching. You write what you know very well, trapped.

trappedinmyradio

Being Enlightened wrote:

"our eyes are always what give us away
in the end." ---- SO TURE!

I like how human your poem is. It's very touching. You write what you know very well, trapped.

it's always cold and it's dark more than light here at this time of the year. if you can't be human in the depths of your mind then how can you ever be human to the people you encounter every day? my answer to that: you can't be. what does this mean? i don't know.