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My first poem...ever!!!

LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
edited December 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
I saw this page and just had to give it a shot. I decided to use my board name as a starting point and inspiration...



Like An Ocean


a wave rolls afar
but you I hear near
waiting, wanting
poke fun in the mirror

Me like a statue
you are the wind
I feel it closely now
but where do I begin

like an ocean
by and far
like an ocean
here you are

faith crashing hard
but have you begun?
memories of tomorrow
are yesterdays pun

but now I have sails
and you're still the wind
the ocean beneath me
so how do I begin?

like an ocean
by and far
like an ocean
here you are
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    now all I need is a cool rift and groovy melody to make this poem into lyrics! :D
  • LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    oh yeah, and it's about someone/something you want so badly, but are unsure how to grasp onto when its within your reach.
  • ExodusExodus Posts: 212
    noice.



    this has to be 10 characters....jerks...
    Between the conception and the creation

    Between the emotion and the response

    Falls the shadow.
  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    I like it...you tease people when you write about the ocean!!!!
    It's an awfully flirtatious subject.well done:)
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    Ali wrote:
    I like it...you tease people when you write about the ocean!!!!
    It's an awfully flirtatious subject.well done:)
    lol, it's a little soft... My next one will be a little more political, perhaps humorous. :D
  • Shakespeare's_sisterShakespeare's_sister Posts: 21
    Great job, especially for your first poem! I think the fifth stanza is my favourite.
    "And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life."
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
    Congratulations on your first poem! Kudos to you, and good wishes for many more.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • kdpjamkdpjam Posts: 2,303
    very good. kinda sounds pj'ish which is fine by me :)
    lay down all thoughts; surrender to the void
    ~it is shining it is shining~
  • SquirrelSquirrel Posts: 337
    LikeAnOcean wrote:
    but now I have sails
    and you're still the wind

    especially love this bit!

    all in all...wow!!!! pretty impressive for a first poem!! great images and feeling! and does indeed sound a bit pj-ish! :) all hail! can't wait to read more from you!!
  • LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    Shakespeare's_sister wrote:
    Great job, especially for your first poem! I think the fifth stanza is my favourite.
    *gulps* What's a stanza? It's been a a few years since I've had an English class.
  • SquirrelSquirrel Posts: 337
    LikeAnOcean wrote:
    *gulps* What's a stanza? It's been a a few years since I've had an English class.

    stanza is a unit of lines in a poem..you have units of 4 lines...so each of them is a stanza! :)
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