new group effort......

kdpjam

when he woke this morning, it felt like he had been sleeping for years;

Ms. Haiku

kdpjam wrote:

when he woke this morning, it felt like he had been sleeping for years;

stagnant air shoved from the ceiling fan sank in his throat

kdpjam

Bibliobella wrote:

stagnant air shoved from the ceiling fan sank in his throat

an overcast day outside in which to make his way.

Ms. Haiku

kdpjam wrote:

an overcast day outside in which to make his way.

but, first, he had to wake up. This choice is a bad-tasting vitamin

kdpjam

Bibliobella wrote:

but, first, he had to wake up. This choice is a bad-tasting vitamin

and the coffee tasted better. he took his time.

Ms. Haiku

kdpjam wrote:

and the coffee tasted better. he took his time.

mesmerized by cloud formations he thinks of travel

kdpjam

Bibliobella wrote:

mesmerized by cloud formations he thinks of travel

the further away, his mind was close there

kdpjam

the further away, his mind is closer there.

have to keep the tense!

Ms. Haiku

kdpjam wrote:

the further away, his mind was close there

his mind ran quickly home when his tie dipped in the toaster

kdpjam

Bibliobella wrote:

his mind ran quickly home when his tie dipped in the toaster

time to take off the tie that chokes. the walk-in closet just as cluttered as his thought; where is my suitcase anyway ? he pondered.

Ms. Haiku

He wakes feeling unsung years beneath his skin
as the ceiling fan shoves stagnant air down his throat.
An overcast day outside in which to make his way
within which he chooses to wake. This choice is a bad-tasting vitamin
and the coffee tastes better. He takes his time.
Mesmorizing cloud formations fill his eyes with visions of travel
the further away, his mind is closer there;
his mind sprints quickly home when his tie dips in the toaster

OK kdpjam, what do you think? I took some liberties, I hope you don't mind.

Ms. Haiku

Bibliobella wrote:

He wakes feeling unsung years beneath his skin
as the ceiling fan shoves stagnant air down his throat.
An overcast day outside in which to make his way
within which he chooses to wake. This choice is a bad-tasting vitamin
and the coffee tastes better. He takes his time.
Mesmorizing cloud formations fill his eyes with visions of travel
the further away, his mind is closer there;
his mind sprints quickly home when his tie dips in the toaster

OK kdpjam, what do you think? I took some liberties, I hope you don't mind.

He wakes feeling unsung years beneath his skin
as the ceiling fan shoves stagnant air down his throat.
An overcast day outside in which to make his way
within which he chooses to wake. This choice is a bad-tasting vitamin
and the coffee tastes better. He takes his time.
Mesmorizing cloud formations fill his eyes with visions of travel
the further away, his mind is closer there;
his mind sprints quickly home when his tie dips in the toaster.
Time to take off the tie that chokes. The walk-in closet just as cluttered as his thought; where is my suitcase anyway? He ponders

kdpjam

Bibliobella wrote:

He wakes feeling unsung years beneath his skin
as the ceiling fan shoves stagnant air down his throat.
An overcast day outside in which to make his way
within which he chooses to wake. This choice is a bad-tasting vitamin
and the coffee tastes better. He takes his time.
Mesmorizing cloud formations fill his eyes with visions of travel
the further away, his mind is closer there;
his mind sprints quickly home when his tie dips in the toaster

OK kdpjam, what do you think? I took some liberties, I hope you don't mind.

i really like it bib.... its great thanks for making it better~

Ms. Haiku

kdpjam wrote:

i really like it bib.... its great thanks for making it better~

It's still your turn . . . or anyone else who wants to participate.

kdpjam

Bibliobella wrote:

He wakes feeling unsung years beneath his skin
as the ceiling fan shoves stagnant air down his throat.
An overcast day outside in which to make his way
within which he chooses to wake. This choice is a bad-tasting vitamin
and the coffee tastes better. He takes his time.
Mesmorizing cloud formations fill his eyes with visions of travel
the further away, his mind is closer there;
his mind sprints quickly home when his tie dips in the toaster.
Time to take off the tie that chokes. The walk-in closet just as cluttered as his thought; where is my suitcase anyway? He ponders

and what do i do when i find it? his heart sank.

Ms. Haiku

kdpjam wrote:

and what do i do when i find it? his heart sank.

Careless with our hero's heart a mouse ran across the kitchen floor.

kdpjam

Bibliobella wrote:

Careless with our hero's heart a mouse ran across the kitchen floor.

the weary day was awakening now;

Ali

With new thoughts
and new reflections
he chose another different way to live his life.

kdpjam

Ali wrote:

With new thoughts
and new reflections
he chose another different way to live his life.

a life in which he wanted to face his days; no more sleeping for what seemed an eternity

Ali

kdpjam wrote:

a life in which he wanted to face his days; no more sleeping for what seemed an eternity

And no more of an eternity to lay sleeping

kdpjam

great! here is what we have so far:

He wakes feeling unsung years beneath his skin
as the ceiling fan shoves stagnant air down his throat.
An overcast day outside in which to make his way~
within which he chooses to wake. This choice is a bad-tasting vitamin
and the coffee tastes better. He takes his time.
Mesmorizing cloud formations fill his eyes with visions of travel
the further away, his mind is closer there.
his mind sprints quickly home when his tie dips in the toaster.
Time to take off the tie that chokes. The walk-in closet just as cluttered as his thought; where is my suitcase anyway? He ponders~
and what do i do when i find it? his heart sank.

Careless with our hero's heart,
a mouse ran across the kitchen floor.
The weary day was awakening now!
With new thoughts and new reflections he chooses another
different way to live his life.
A life in which he wanted to face his days; no more
sleeping for what seemed an eternity~
and no more of an an eternity to lay sleeping.

kdpjam

kdpjam wrote:

great! here is what we have so far: i changed some stuff to help it flow....

He wakes feeling unsung years beneath his skin
as the ceiling fan shoves stagnant air down his throat.
An overcast day outside in which to make his way~
within which he chooses to wake. This choice is a bad-tasting vitamin
and the coffee tastes better. He takes his time.
Mesmorizing cloud formations fill his eyes with visions of travel
the further away, his mind is closer there.
his mind sprints quickly home as the shrill sound of a siren in the distance.
The walk-in closet just as cluttered as his thought; where is my suitcase anyway? He ponders~
and what do i do when i find it? his heart sank.

A blur of thoughts, as
a cool breeze lifts the curtains away from the sill
the smell of rain in the air.
The weary day awakens slowly.
With new ideas and new reflections he will change the course
of his life. and where it goes.
A life in which he wants to face his days; no more
sleeping for what seems an eternity~
and no more of an an eternity to lay sleeping.

ok, any ideas ? or should this end here???