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Making stir-fry

justamjustam Posts: 21,410
edited July 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
I was chopping the red onion
slicing the carrots
mincing the green pepper
and thinking about what’s important

Dreams of love and friendship
Love for my children
Taking care of your heart
Playing music

when I think of this small list
I see why I stay out here

why do you stay there?
you could be here with me
loving my children with me
but I don’t think you really want that
it’s not Romantic and grand
and that’s the big block
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Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    I really saw and felt things from your speaker's perspective there. To communicate immediate experience in the senses and heart of a reader or hearer is perhaps the most difficult thing for a poem to achieve.
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    I really saw and felt things from your speaker's perspective there. To communicate immediate experience in the senses and heart of a reader or hearer is perhaps the most difficult thing for a poem to achieve.

    Thanks for reading it Mr. FinsburyParkCarrots. :)
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  • violet rayviolet ray Posts: 502
    I agree with Mr. Finsbury...I felt that as well.
    You ask me to enter
    But then You make me crawl
    And I can't be holding on
    To what You got
    When all You've got is hurt
    ----
    Underneath this smile lies everything
    All my hopes and anger, pride and shame
  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    justam wrote:
    I was chopping the red onion
    slicing the carrots
    mincing the green pepper
    and thinking about what’s important

    Dreams of love and friendship
    Love for my children
    Taking care of your heart
    Playing music

    when I think of this small list
    I see why I stay out here

    why do you stay there?
    you could be here with me
    loving my children with me
    but I don’t think you really want that
    it’s not Romantic and grand
    and that’s the big block
    I absolutely LOve this poem.
    But the truth of the matter is how romantic the poem is...for content and meaning.
    KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN!!!!!!

    ali:)
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    Ali wrote:
    I absolutely LOve this poem.
    But the truth of the matter is how romantic the poem is...for content and meaning.
    KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN!!!!!!

    ali:)

    Thanks Ali. :)
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  • trappedinmyradiotrappedinmyradio Posts: 1,189
    i like the immediacy of the feelings...and how you move from mundane to specific - and the feeling...the near yearning...the plea...then the honesty...i like it. carry on.
    I'll dig a tunnel
    from my window to yours
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    trappedinmyradio wrote:
    i like the immediacy of the feelings...and how you move from mundane to specific - and the feeling...the near yearning...the plea...then the honesty...i like it. carry on.

    I'm glad you like it.
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  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    The Indifferent One wrote:
    I read the first stanza through the little box that comes up when you hover over topic names. I thought I would dislike it. But then i clicked on the topic, and it completely changed as I got into the second stanza, the emotion hit, four simple things, that make your life liveable. But then there's doubt and I really like that because it gets it all through somehow. I can feel the emotion in it. that's what counts, great poem Justam.

    I'm glad you didn't dislike it. :D
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  • Righteous JammerRighteous Jammer Posts: 509
    Your unique title caught my eye
    It doesnt hurt.... when I bleed
    but memories...they eat me
    I've seen it all before,...
    bring it on cause I'm no victim.
    -Ghost
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