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Analysis

justamjustam Posts: 21,412
edited September 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
To pull out that wish and look at it
yeah, dig beneath the shoes and long dresses
and pull it out into the room...
it isn't a bad dream
it's just my own
and I guess I should look at it
if I don't want it to get dusty
and rusty
and impossible with age
mostly, I'd need a new job
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Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    you cut this off with the last sentence! keep it going! what is it???



    f'n TEASE
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    PastaNazi wrote:
    you cut this off with the last sentence! keep it going! what is it???



    f'n TEASE

    LOL!! You don't need to know everything do you? :D
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  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    i don't need to know ANYthing ;)

    but i think that this would be a really good poem if you didn't chop it off at the end. ...just watching your poet grow :), that's all


    :)
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    PastaNazi wrote:
    i don't need to know ANYthing ;)

    but i think that this would be a really good poem if you didn't chop it off at the end. ...just watching your poet grow :), that's all


    :)
    But Rachel, that's the way I think.
    Sometimes I jump from a train to the very end of it quickly! :)
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  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    justam wrote:
    But Rachel, that's the way I think.
    Sometimes I jump from a train to the very end of it quickly! :)

    :D LOL! I just got this visual of you doing the jump n' roll off the caboose! :p Hee Hee! :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    Being Enlightened wrote:
    :D LOL! I just got this visual of you doing the jump n' roll off the caboose! :p Hee Hee! :D

    :D
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  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    justam wrote:
    But Rachel, that's the way I think.
    Sometimes I jump from a train to the very end of it quickly! :)


    i know! i used to do this all the time... and i still do in some works. the thing going through my head is "ok, i've said all i'm going to say. time to end this." and i thought it was all fly and deep and stuff. and sometimes, I say, it was. but in other works, the disconnect from subject to ending leaves the reader confused, rather than affected.

    for some poetry, specially the "vent" type stuff, i could give a schtitt ~ but in the more promising things, i really want to give 'em the whole "story"...
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    PastaNazi wrote:
    i know! i used to do this all the time... and i still do in some works. the thing going through my head is "ok, i've said all i'm going to say. time to end this." and i thought it was all fly and deep and stuff. and sometimes, I say, it was. but in other works, the disconnect from subject to ending leaves the reader confused, rather than affected.

    for some poetry, specially the "vent" type stuff, i could give a schtitt ~ but in the more promising things, i really want to give 'em the whole "story"...

    Oh. :p:)

    I see. I guess I should have included a bit more.
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