It has happened again

justam
justam Posts: 21,415
edited July 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
It has happened again

I'm temporarily struck dumb
(but I've been thinking about you)
what to say
what to do

when I figure it out
I'll let you know
something is bubbling
something is brewing
just please don't go!
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Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • ISN
    ISN Posts: 1,700
    hey....that's great.....I hope it keeps happening.....it sounds good
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    ISN wrote:
    hey....that's great.....I hope it keeps happening.....it sounds good

    Thanks. :)

    (I usually have more trouble when I try to make anything rhyme but this came out.)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • ISN
    ISN Posts: 1,700
    sometimes the content transcends the form.....:)
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    ISN wrote:
    sometimes the content transcends the form.....:)

    At this point, with me, content is just about all I have aside from repetition. :)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • electronblue
    electronblue Posts: 3,503
    very nice, justam...~


    :)
    ********************************
    "Forgive every being,
    the bad feelings 
    it's just me"


  • movingfinger
    movingfinger Posts: 117
    i think this poem is great but the ending kinda missed on me. It kind of stopped cold, the poem is very interesting and flows real well through the beginning and middle and then it is tied together with a cliche at the end. With such a great start i think you could really have a great piece with just a little more work.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
    Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
    Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
    Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it

    -- Omar Khayyam
  • grooveamatic
    grooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    movingfinger wrote:
    i think this poem is great but the ending kinda missed on me. It kind of stopped cold, the poem is very interesting and flows real well through the beginning and middle and then it is tied together with a cliche at the end. With such a great start i think you could really have a great piece with just a little more work.

    I'm kinda feelin this, in a way. Just with the last line, really. I think the sentiment of the last line is just right, but that it could be vastly improved with more unique wording. I love the poem, though. Absolutely love it. You have a talent for multi-layered simplicity. I look quite forward to a new justam thread!!!!
    .........................................................................
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    grooveamatic wrote:
    I'm kinda feelin this, in a way. Just with the last line, really. I think the sentiment of the last line is just right, but that it could be vastly improved with more unique wording. I love the poem, though. Absolutely love it. You have a talent for multi-layered simplicity. I look quite forward to a new justam thread!!!!

    Thanks. :)

    Yeah, this last line is precisely my trouble with rhymes. Sometimes to try to get it to rhyme, I get a less interesting line. I'll keep working at that.
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&

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