Sit or swim

justam
justam Posts: 21,415
edited April 2007 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
I'd like to be love that never breaks
steady but flexible
calm and dependable
but that sounds so very dull doesn't it?
where's the excitement?
where's the heat?
maybe it'd be better to be like a water cycle?
that's unending too, but, there's more movement
falling down, giving life to the plants
freezing, melting, flowing down a river
wet and humid in the tropics
evaporating when it's hot
only to fall down again
at least there's some action in a water cycle
the molecules don't constantly
sit still in one place
like a rock that's
attached to the hillside
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Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • peeps
    peeps Posts: 79
    i don't like it at all.
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    peeps wrote:
    i don't like it at all.

    why?
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  • peeps
    peeps Posts: 79
    it just doesn't do nothing at all for me, it doesn't flow, it just doesn't make any sense to me in a poetic way. line 4 totally kills it.
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    peeps wrote:
    it just doesn't do nothing at all for me, it doesn't flow, it just doesn't make any sense to me in a poetic way. line 4 totally kills it.

    Okay. *shrugs*
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  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    I was trying to get at the idea that if a person is so steady and reliable, it can be dull after a while...even if we're talking about love...somehow there has to be life to it for it to be passionate...so I starting thinking about other things that were constant and repeating but not motionless and dull either.
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  • peeps
    peeps Posts: 79
    yeah i don't get that from it at all.
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    peeps wrote:
    yeah i don't get that from it at all.

    Oh. Then I really didn't express myself well. :/
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  • desandrews
    desandrews Posts: 143
    justam wrote:
    Oh. Then I really didn't express myself well. :/

    I got it. I liked it. Never been in this part of the Pit before but of the 5 random threads I clicked on, two have been yours and I've liked them both. I don't like poetry that seems like it was written just for poetry's sake, you accomplished avoiding that. I like it.

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