Acceptance

CranMalReign

An older one... that's kinda weird... here goes

~~~

Acceptance
September 17, 2002

Desperate didn't go to work the day
he found God in a cereal box
He took the day off
Dreamt with God in the late September sun
of silence and vindication
They hid behind parked cars
and hit taxi cabs with water balloons
They jaywalked and took more
than one free sample per customer
from the corner deli

God stole a garden gnome from a front yard
and sat it on a cinder block
Desperate named him "Acceptance" and smiled
as they both sat back and pondered his fate

which was to die

And they took Acceptance to the Mill Creek Dam
To perch him on the guard rail for last words
There were none
and they dropped him,
mocking his imagined screams
before he shattered on the concrete-lined spillway below

Desperate squealed with glee
as the gnome plummeted and died
He clapped his hands, came in his pants

then he laughed and laughed
at the broken face of dust
and God laughed and laughed
to dust he had returned
They laughed and laughed
and jogged to the gun store
where the world would line up to die

His broken face of dust
would be so funny in the late September sun

EvilToasterElf

Cran I enjoyed that piece a lot
Some of the images like god hitting taxis with water balloon were pretty funny

There are a couple of points where I think you fell into the telling and not showing

Dreamt of silence and vindication was one

and "came in his pants" seemed a little off

the rest of the poem I think was fresh and thoughtful

DopeBeastie

desperate and god killing acceptance...

.....sounds familiar.... all, too, perhaps

i like this, makes me laugh for some reason




mill creek, huh?

CranMalReign

Originally posted by EvilToasterElf
Cran I enjoyed that piece a lot
Some of the images like god hitting taxis with water balloon were pretty funny

There are a couple of points where I think you fell into the telling and not showing

Dreamt of silence and vindication was one

and "came in his pants" seemed a little off

the rest of the poem I think was fresh and thoughtful

Wish I could change a few things about that one... but once I commit to a version, I don't change it. Especiallys a year and a half later.

Just one of my stupid rules.

EvilToasterElf

hehe, to each his own, but that's an aweful rule

That's like Pearl Jam saying ok, we've wrapped up Even Flow in the studio, we're never gonna change it in the live show

A poem is never finished in my opinion, even if you publish it, if you're gonna go out and read it, you can change it a thousand times just like a band changes up their tunes

The ones I don't change is just out of stubborness, not because I couldn't think of something better

FinsburyParkCarrots

Tennyson rewrote poems all his life. In jazz, John Coltrane was always releasing new live recordings of "Naima" and "My Favorite Things". A poem is a process, not a product ....

anOmis

interesting poem
nice writting style

thank you 4 sharing