Funny

CranMalReign

Something I'm still working on... be gentle...

~~~

Funny
May 1, 2004

The room again fell silent
save for frequent, shallow breaths
A flashing "1" now accompanied her
witnessing her most dramatic moment

"Funny," she thought,
sprawling across their faded cotton sheets

Her legs slid slowly back and forth
hoping friction was heat
was restoring the warmth to her soul

"Funny..."

She couldn't bring her dimming mind
beyond the macabre humor of it all:
the perfect execution of a plan
meant to be flawed

She smiled unconvincingly
as a wish flashed across her dying heart
It was the wish to be noticed, to be safe
to be worth enough to him to fucking come home on time
Just tonight
Why tonight?

"Funny... "

She wished she'd known how to love herself
prayed she might be found
prayed next time she'll do it right

Only this time it's too late
Now is that time she considers life
when life and blood are all that is leaving her

The 1 flashes expectantly, patiently
a blinking eye in the dark
she notices less
and gives up the fight for warmth

"Funny..." she thought
"He kissed me a flashing goodbye"

bastard

She looks down along her frail, peaked arms
catches a three-foot sillohuette in the door
and hopes he likes the smiles carved in her wrists
cuz, motherfuckers, she's going out in style

DopeBeastie

can't touch the bottom, in too deep...

nice piece of work cran...

:0

setaside2

I'm sorry...

who is this again?

man I thought i was a stranger...

I committed suicide myself in this forum hereabouts a few days ago...

but it 'twasn't nearly the mess that she's a leavin' while she dies empty soulless and shadowed.

nice to see you, good to read you.

I think... that it'll do nicely.

see ya cranman.

seta...

CranMalReign

Originally posted by setaside2
I'm sorry...

who is this again?

man I thought i was a stranger...

I committed suicide myself in this forum hereabouts a few days ago...

but it 'twasn't nearly the mess that she's a leavin' while she dies empty soulless and shadowed.

nice to see you, good to read you.

I think... that it'll do nicely.

see ya cranman.

seta...

Yah... I'm a tool. Just haven't had time to give the hut the due it deserves. We'll see how long this visit lasts.

tracingdaisies

A'ite, Cran...first off, I love it. And now that I've done the obligatory blowing of sunshine up your ass...I can get picky.

'frail' is a weak word for arms. This girl is strong enough to kill herself, and she's gushing blood. She doesn't have cancer, she is not anorexic, 'frail' just isn't the word for those appendages.

Does the answering machine have some sort of significance? Like, her only friend/witness is electronic...deeply ironic, but why not the microwave? What makes the answerer special?

Last, but not least...'silhouette.'

There you have it. I's glad to see you writing again.

Buru

ah...suicide on paper

I liked this, specially the irony of it
and that it's not overdramatic or sentimental

DopeBeastie

Originally posted by tracingdaisies
Does the answering machine have some sort of significance?

i wasn't quick enough to see WHAT the "1" meant... how silly of me? ah well... now that you pointed it out, it makes better sense

to me, ignoring the message is to Truly have come to a decision, and it makes it sadder, for me...

suicide reeks
i hate it
unless of course, it remains on paper
then it can be downright exciting

As for Tim the Toolman, yeah, it's been a long time since we've seen you and seems way longer since we've had something new to read. I, of course, am hoping you're well.

CranMalReign

Well... in the vein of ruining interpretations, I'll answer some questions / concerns... (all posed by dear daisies)

The answering machine flashing the "1"... I like PastaNazi's interpretation of it, though it is not the interpretation I had when I wrote it. This is sorta related to the irony that the poem is not "dramatic or sentimental" as Buru pointed out, but the poor darling in the poem is a drama queen.

I tried to keep that subtle but hint at it... especially in the very last line. She wants attention... wants the drama... wanted to be caught and had timed it perfectly so that she'd be found and rescued. But she won't be. Because tonight, he's not coming home on time. That's the blinking 1. That's where all the "funny"s come from... and the perfect execution of a plan meant to be flawed. She was meant to be caught. Now she won't be.

Frail: Since when do you have to be strong to kill yourself? This woman I envisioned was weak, broken, sad and unable to love herself. Physically, she was very much like a drama queen that both Daisies and I know personally (you know who I'm talking about, and she's very frail... definitely not strong in any stretch of the imagination). That's actually the person I had in mind for this... someone who blows away in a slight breeze, physically and emotionally. Hence, frail is right. Unless there's a better word representing weakness.

Hope I didn't make the poem worse for anyone by stripping them of their interpretations which are often much more beautiful than the intended meaning! (I really like PastaNazi's one still... oh well)

DopeBeastie

oh, i see..., and well, not to deny this lassie her pain, the 3 foot shilohuette kinda freaked me out... but i have a couple of three footers 'round these parts, so you can see why... just no longer an option *shrugs*... you know?


missed you

brother123

interesting

setaside2

Originally posted by Buru
ah...suicide on paper

I liked this, specially the irony of it
and that it's not overdramatic or sentimental

hey now are you calling me overdramatic and sentimental? hmmm?

setaside2

This is exactly what I got out of this piece but perhaps I've been too close to suicide (both within and without) for my own good. In fact it could be said that she has lived for the drama her entire life and now, at her denouement, she climaxes the only way that could be deemed appropriate... she finally takes a part in her own play, especially for the manipulation of others.

Frail is good. Not that Cran has to have anyone defend him, his work speaks for itself, but I'll back it up. Most people: it's not strength that kills them, it is their utter detachment and LACK of passion for themselves. This requires a weakened mind and a state of sickness that would preclude and utterly imply the term "frail." In fact, it is their fragility and their inability to heal after a break that causes our concern and our need to watch for and out for such individuals. It is the fact that they consider it their final decision that adds the illusion of strength to this event, not the passion with which they decide to do it.

This poem is near perfection in its sociopathology and neurosis. Kudos to Cran. It's a dem fine piece.

Originally posted by CranMalReign
Well... in the vein of ruining interpretations, I'll answer some questions / concerns... (all posed by dear daisies)

The answering machine flashing the "1"... I like PastaNazi's interpretation of it, though it is not the interpretation I had when I wrote it. This is sorta related to the irony that the poem is not "dramatic or sentimental" as Buru pointed out, but the poor darling in the poem is a drama queen.

I tried to keep that subtle but hint at it... especially in the very last line. She wants attention... wants the drama... wanted to be caught and had timed it perfectly so that she'd be found and rescued. But she won't be. Because tonight, he's not coming home on time. That's the blinking 1. That's where all the "funny"s come from... and the perfect execution of a plan meant to be flawed. She was meant to be caught. Now she won't be.

Frail: Since when do you have to be strong to kill yourself? This woman I envisioned was weak, broken, sad and unable to love herself. Physically, she was very much like a drama queen that both Daisies and I know personally (you know who I'm talking about, and she's very frail... definitely not strong in any stretch of the imagination). That's actually the person I had in mind for this... someone who blows away in a slight breeze, physically and emotionally. Hence, frail is right. Unless there's a better word representing weakness.

Hope I didn't make the poem worse for anyone by stripping them of their interpretations which are often much more beautiful than the intended meaning! (I really like PastaNazi's one still... oh well)

CranMalReign

Originally posted by setaside2
This is exactly what I got out of this piece but perhaps I've been too close to suicide (both within and without) for my own good. In fact it could be said that she has lived for the drama her entire life and now, at her denouement, she climaxes the only way that could be deemed appropriate... she finally takes a part in her own play, especially for the manipulation of others.

Frail is good. Not that Cran has to have anyone defend him, his work speaks for itself, but I'll back it up. Most people: it's not strength that kills them, it is their utter detachment and LACK of passion for themselves. This requires a weakened mind and a state of sickness that would preclude and utterly imply the term "frail." In fact, it is their fragility and their inability to heal after a break that causes our concern and our need to watch for and out for such individuals. It is the fact that they consider it their final decision that adds the illusion of strength to this event, not the passion with which they decide to do it.

This poem is near perfection in its sociopathology and neurosis. Kudos to Cran. It's a dem fine piece.

word

setaside2

-y motherfucker



don't act like you've forgotten sir.

I need an email addy for to send you stuff.

seta

CranMalReign

Originally posted by setaside2
-y motherfucker



don't act like you've forgotten sir.

I need an email addy for to send you stuff.

seta

I haven't the slightest idea as to what you're talking about. 0:-)

Check your PMs.

Buru

Originally posted by setaside2
hey now are you calling me overdramatic and sentimental? hmmm?

haha, no
your suicide on paper post was brilliant too
that's why I brought it up

and why does everything have to be about you?
I was talking about CranMal :rolleyes:

coleen

the triumphant return of one of our wayward friends.

you were missed as have been your words.

thank goodness you've left some behind for us to leaf through in your absence.

setaside2

Originally posted by Buru
haha, no
your suicide on paper post was brilliant too
that's why I brought it up

and why does everything have to be about you?
I was talking about CranMal

:p:p

yeah those are for YOU miss buru de las pampas

and the sooner you learn to ACCEPT the fact that it is ALWAYS about me, the better you and I will get along. :D

oh and...

HI BURU! HOW ARE YOU TODAY? REALLY?! ISN'T THAT SWELL! FABULOUS! SCINTILLATING EVEN!! WELL!! GOTTA RUN!! I HAVE THAT APPOINTMENT TO GET CERTAIN PARTS OF ME BRONZED!! YEAH! THAT ONE!! K!! SEE YA!!

setaside2

apologies to CMR for sullying his thread.

read the pome and ignore the seta.

it's really the best thing...

for all of us.