A christmas present for my girlfriend

johnnyd900johnnyd900 Posts: 23
edited November 2003 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Ok, since i value all of (well almost all of) your opinions here i figured i'd come ask you guys this.

For a christmas gift for my girlfriend, i bought a really nice picture frame, and i am making a border of pictures of us taken over the last few years, and im going to put the border around a poem i wrote for her. And i can't decide which poem to use. One is more short and sweet, and the other is a little longer...well you'll see. Any input is greatly appreciated. (oh yeah, and both of these are still working versions, so any advice would also be great) thanks again

You

A look
A smile
A stare

A word
A touch
An embrace
A kiss

A day
A week
A month
A year
Forever

And still each day with you
Only becomes better.


or

Whispers In My Heart


It all started out, as a whisper in my heart.
It said, "Hey, she's cute"
I think it knew from the start.

As time wore on,
We got to know each other more.
The whisper grew louder,
Everything about you I grew to adore.

The glow of you smile
Could brighten the room.
If a day started wrong,
Seeing you would lighten the gloom.
Now the whisper had turned itself into a voice.
In falling for you there was no other choice.

Now fast forward two years,
And always the love is still there.
It fills my heart all the time,
For you I still infinitely care.
You are still perfect,
Just like you were in the start.
But now there's no whisper
No voice in my heart.
Now my whole being, just wants to explode and shout.
I love you Traci, I love you no doubt.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. -Ernest Benn
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Although both poems are sweet, I like the simplicity of the first one. My vote is, the 1st one goes on the border & the 2nd one goes in the card.
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • I like You.
    The poem, that is, not you personally. Well, I mean, I don't know you, but you seem sweet and, er, wait. Guy talk here: YEAH, MAN, YOU KICK ASS or something like that.

    Whispers in My Heart has more history and personality, but it still sounds like a, please forgive me, sappy happy love poem, which is obviously what you're going for here. But I like the first better. I think she'd swoon either way, though. Maybe do one for Christmas and another for Valentine's Day??????
  • thanks for the responses, i like your idea radar, about one for christmas and one for valentines day. And i like you too :-)
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. -Ernest Benn
  • BUY TWO FRAMES!!!!
  • Originally posted by BhagavadGita
    BUY TWO FRAMES!!!!


    another excellent idea, but i dont think i have enough pictures for two borders...i'll have to have her roommate steal me some of hers so i can make copies
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. -Ernest Benn
  • coleencoleen Posts: 938
    imho, any girl would be ecstatic just to get the frame with the pictures because honestly that is about the sweetest and most thoughtful gift anyone could hope to receive.

    that being said - add a lovely poem and....*swoon*

    both are remarkably tender and heartfelt poems, you can't really go wrong with either. i think the simplicity in the first poem is the way to go.

    now if you are planning to give her two frames (either both at xmas or on separate holidays) might i suggest using the first poem for the frame containing multiple photos and then a single photo with the second poem. that way in each case, neither the photos or the poetry is competing with each other if you get what i mean. the juxtaposition of the fewer words with the many images and then the single image with the many words kind of balances it all out and compliments one another.

    whatever you decide to do, i think santa is going to be VERY good to you this year. :)
  • thanks coleen, too many good ideas, i dont know what to do
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. -Ernest Benn
  • Why do I feel like I've stepped into a Trading Spaces episode?

    Dibs on Genevieve!
  • dammit, guess i'll have to settle for paige
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. -Ernest Benn
  • Originally posted by johnnyd900
    dammit, guess i'll have to settle for paige
    I'd rather do Frank.
  • or that carpenter guy, my girlfriend seems to think he's hot, so i'll take him
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. -Ernest Benn
  • I prefer the guy on Monster house myself! He also knows how to kick ass when people fuck up!!

    ooh la la.
  • Originally posted by NastAngels
    Just use two fingers, your tongue, and the curl technique... If I was a girl I'd want that more than a poem.

    Dude, that comes with the poem.
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. -Ernest Benn
  • Originally posted by johnnyd900
    Dude, that comes with the poem.
    And so shall she..............
Sign In or Register to comment.