I need opinions on how good this love poem is, please comment

pearlzepfan

One look in your eyes, I fell in love, you fit like a glove
I'm yours forever to keep, you're everything to me, I can't get enough
I never wanted much, just you Jennifer to love and to hold
I love you, Jen, you warm my soul when winter gets cold

When I am down and feeling restless you always give me a smile
You always cheer me up when I feel useless like a rich man's child
And I do the same for you when I see you frown
Because it hurts me too, when I see that you are feeling down

I'll take you wherever you want to go because you are my girl
You're worth more to me than all the money in the world, more than the world's largest pearl
My heart is full of nothing but love for you Jen
I will always feel this way for eternity, when you get home then

We can get married, and have four kids, and play in the rain
Because when you are with me and I am with you, there's no such thing as pain
My whole life has led up to me meeting you
Now we're together forever and I feel there's nothing that we cannot do

---

All my poem's try to have on Dylan line in them

chadwick

Nicely done.
Your heart wrote it.
It is honest.
Jen is your starry sky.

Bu2

this poem makes me think of Jennifer and Brad.......and Angelina.

Just kidding. It's well written and Jen will adore it.

writersu

I think it is very awesome.

when a guy writes for a girl, it is the most romantic thing in the world. I am sure she will love it.

where is she?

#X.

Great descriptive lines. #X.

pearlzepfan

writersu wrote:

I think it is very awesome.

when a guy writes for a girl, it is the most romantic thing in the world. I am sure she will love it.

where is she?

She's in Texas, she's in the air force and at basic training for another 2 weeks

chadwick

writersu wrote:

I think it is very awesome.

when a guy writes for a girl, it is the most romantic thing in the world. I am sure she will love it.

where is she?

So are you saying I am the most romantic thing in the universe?
Ooops, I mean, world.

With pearlzepfan's romantic tongue he is surely closing in on her beating heart in which soon he'll become her king.

FinsburyParkCarrots

It all depends upon what you want to say. If you want to make a rhyming love poem, but take a funny slant on it, how about thinking of rhymes that work with the eye rather than the ear ("love", "prove", or even "stove" which gives you some good cooking imagery.) The same thing goes for ear rhymes. You could rhyme a "bunch of rusty keys" with "responsibilities". Once you know you can have a bit of a laugh with rhymes, internal and line ending, you can start to have a giggle with a love song, and there's nothing a lover loves than a loved one with a sense of humour.

I like it though! But there's plenty of room for you to still play with it.

FinsburyParkCarrots

It all depends upon what you want to say. If you want to make a rhyming love poem, but take a funny slant on it, how about thinking of rhymes that work with the eye rather than the ear ("love", "prove", or even "stove" which gives you some good cooking imagery). The same thing goes for ear rhymes. You could rhyme a "bunch of rusty keys" with "responsibilities". Once you know you can have a bit of a laugh with rhymes, internal and line ending, you can start to have a giggle with a love song, and there's nothing a lover loves better than a loved one with a sense of humour.

hrd2imgn

It was nice

only line I didn't think flowed was the fit like a glove, seemed thrown in at the end.

It made me want to puke it was so sappy, so it must be just perfect for showing her how much you love her.

good luck with her, I hope this poem stays true for the rest of your life.

brain of c

crap.


note
to jen

run. hide.

boxwine_in_hell

brain of c wrote:

crap.


note
to jen

run. hide.

You're cracking me up dude. I was thinking the exact same thing. I'm sure she's really proud to have such a sappy guy. Be a man and hunt and gather for her, she'll respect that.

boxwine_in_hell

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

It all depends upon what you want to say. If you want to make a rhyming love poem, but take a funny slant on it, how about thinking of rhymes that work with the eye rather than the ear ("love", "prove", or even "stove" which gives you some good cooking imagery). The same thing goes for ear rhymes. You could rhyme a "bunch of rusty keys" with "responsibilities". Once you know you can have a bit of a laugh with rhymes, internal and line ending, you can start to have a giggle with a love song, and there's nothing a lover loves better than a loved one with a sense of humour.

Personally I think some of the greatest poems don't ryme at all.

FinsburyParkCarrots

boxwine_in_hell wrote:

Personally I think some of the greatest poems don't ryme at all.

That's neither here nor there. This is a rhyming poem being discussed in this thread, and I was responding to pearlzepfan's invitation to discuss ways of modififying the structure of this rhyming piece.

By the way, would you suggest Allen Ginsberg to be a better poet than Tennyson? The latter has been called by Joyce's Daedalus nothing but a rhymster: if you're prepared to argue such a point, then let us take it to another thread.

In the meantime, let's be thread specific, if we're capable, and discuss the poem presented? Eh?

macgyver06

i like the last three lines the best and they are universal.