few songs that i wrote/opinions please

sliiteofhand

ok please be honest, I can take constructive criticism fine...ill post a few songs, and please tell me which one you like best, and which one u like the least, and please tell me why...this will help me in the future when i write songs...thanks

"EVEN ALL MY LITTLE DREAMS"

I thought you were a friend,
Well, I wont do that again,
You've ruined everything,
Even all my little dreams...
Im just a nothing now,
Asking myslef how,
I trusted you were true,
And I lusted after you,

(chorus)
You've taken them away,
and stomped them with your feet,
You've ruined everything,
Even all my little dreams...
I hate you did me wrong,
But now it wont be long...
You've ruined everything,
Even all my little dreams...

I take your pictures down,
Smiling with a frown,
I just wish that you could see,
What you've done to me,
I had so many dreams,
Of who I wanted to be,
So many tiny dreams,
Crashing in the sea...

You've taken them away,
and stomped them with your feet,
You've ruined everything,
Even all my little dreams...
I hate you did me wrong,
But now it wont be long...
You've ruined everything,
Even all my little dreams...

"CONSUMATION"

Im dead inside, empty and all thrown away...
Im tryin to find, reasons for my disarray..
Im empty inside, torn and shattered in two...
All the pain comes alive, sticky like glue...

I want the pain, to subside...
I want the door to open wide...
I want to walk, with the wind at my back...
I want to go, and never look back...

Im angry inside, I want to peel my skin,
I cant stand, the crisis im in...
I'm locked away, in a cage far off,
I cant see, Im at a loss..

I want the pain, to subside...
I want the door, to open wide...
I want to walk, with the wind at my back...
I want to go, and never look back...

Maybe one day i'll see again,
something besides all these visions,
its just a dream, it wont come true,
nightmares in the darkness im consumed...
pray for me, theyre preyin on me
up and down in my skin
and doing it over again

I want the pain, to subside...
I want the door to open wide...
I want to walk, with the wind at my back...
I want to go, and never look back...

"AS THE CLOCK TICKS ON"

As the clock ticks on,
They play your song,
And you dance in the clubs at night..

As the clock ticks pass,
You shake your ass,
and "exit" to stage right...

As the clock ticks on,
You make your way home,
Not knowin that he followed you there...

As the clock ticks pass,
You make your way passed,
The kitchen to the stairs...

As the clock ticks on,
You think your all alone,
And you close your eyes to sleep...

As the clock ticks pass,
He watches your ass,
Waiting to plunge it deep...

(chorus)
And the clock ticked, and it just kept tickin,
Now the clock dont tick anymore...
Dont you wish you could hear... the clock still tickin...
You cant wish anymore...

As the clock ticks on,
You throw your coat on,
And read what happened to the girl next door...

As the clock ticks pass,
You move your ass,
And you make your way out the door...

As the clock ticks on,
The job presses on,
And you cant wait to get home tonight...

As the clock ticks pass,
You unlock the brass,
But your door wasnt locked tonight...

As the clock ticks on,
You think your all alone,
And you close your eyes to sleep...

As the clock ticks pass,
He watches your ass,
Waitin to plunge it deep...

And the clock ticked, and it just kep tickin,
Now the clock dont tick anymore...
Dont you wish you could hear... the clock still tickin,
You cant wish anymore...

sliiteofhand

heres a few more...

"CUT AWAY"

She says she's angry inside, she wants to peel her skin,
And thats what brings on the cuts again...
She wants to see the pain turn red,
the pain locked away inside her head,
must come out she says tonite,
with herself she must fight...

"why was I here" she screams out loud,
"why do I have to stay", she shouts..
Up and down her arm so slow,
hot and slow, watch the blood flow,
the razors edge, or the fingernails,
cut too much, watch the skin go pale..

she crawls on the inside,
and thats what brought on the cuts that night

why is she angry inside, why does she peel her skin,
she says its cuz of the demons within,
trigger thoughts and more demons,
fights with peers and real close friends,
far away from her boyfriend,
begins to cut away at skin...

"why was I here" she screams out loud,
"why do I have to stay", she shouts..
Up and down her arms so slow,
hot and slow, watch the blood flow,
the razors edge, or the fingernails,
cut too much, watch the skin go pale..

she crawls on the inside,
and thats what brought on the cuts that night

The pain inside is killing her,
flys away like a raven bird,
black is how she likes to hide,
darkness covers human eyes,
parts of her destroyed by pride,
stolen from... unjustified...

"why was I here" she screams out loud,
"why do I have to stay", she shouts..
Up and down her arms so slow,
hot and slow, watch the blood flow,
the razors edge, or the fingernails,
cut too much, watch the skin go pale..

she crawls on the inside,
and thats what brought on the cuts that night

"WHAT IF"

What if theres an angel, singing silent up in space
what if theres a heaven, or just a whole lot better place
what if theres a balance, between the worlds we know,
what if theres no difference, in the paths that we all go...

would it be a better place, if i could make you understand
would it be a better place, if i could take you by the hand,
would it be a better place, if you could scale the walls up high,
would it be a better place, if you could fly away tonight...

would it be a better place..would it be a better place...

what if theres a habit, that you cannot break or bend,
what if I cant have it, would you give to me instead...
what if theres a tremor, someone handing you a rope,
what if theres a glimmer, a tiny ray of hope...

would it be a better place, if i could make you understand
would it be a better place, if i could take you by the hand,
would it be a better place, if you could scale the walls up high,
would it be a better place, if you could fly away so tonight...

would it be a better place..would it be a better place...

what if you were here with me, would it be a better place,
If i could hold you by the hand and touch you on your face...
what if i could love you, like nobody else has done,
what if i could hold you close, and never let you run,

would it be a better place, if i could never let you fall,
would it be a better place, if you could only see it all

"WAVED GOODBYE"

I took the time, to make it right;
You told me that...your gone tonight;
I waited there, by the stairs,
To see you leave cuz I dont care;
You tried to get, me to cry
You tried to take another life...

(chorus)
You turned and looked me in the eye,
Just as I, waved goodbye,
Your magic wand, it didnt work this time..
And I, just waved goodbye,
See your face another time...

I always knew, that you'd be back,
Once you heard my album tracks;
In the store, on the rack,
You tried to get those feelings back..
You saw me play, up on stage,
Now you say that you'll behave..
You grabbed my arm, as I walked by...

You turned and looked me in the eye,
Just as I, waved goodbye,
Your magic wand, it didnt work this time..
And I, just waved goodbye,
See your face another time...

Being Enlightened

I enjoyed them all, very dark! I really, really liked "AS THE CLOCK TICKS ON" and "WHAT IF". Good job, keep it up!

sliiteofhand

thanx for the feedback, i appreciate it...

jodi

And I, just waved goodbye,
See your face another time...


cool! nice work.