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My mom..........

even flow?even flow? Posts: 8,066
edited February 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Time may have ravaged your body
Your mind is still as sharp as a tack
You fall down way too often now
Your body shows too much blue and black
Commercials we once joked about
You are now the star
"I've fallen and I can't get up"
The crawl to the phone is so, so far
If I could turn back the clock
You know that would be my deed
My working class hero
Never ever filled with greed
Too strong willed for a home
Too much pride for your own good
If I could cut my legs off and give them to you
You know that I would
For why work for the man
To give your two sons a better life
While your twilight years
Fill up with pain and strife
Life has taken me from you
For I have my own road I must travel
I would visit more often
But, once leaving I unravel
Your're still there for your brothers and sisters
Like you are still in your prime
Driving miles in times of need
Never worrying about your time
Time is what you give everybody
Inluding my rottenest friends
So if there is a god in the sky
What is it's fucked up plans
To burden you with pain
Arthritis riddled right on through
I will never speak for my brother
But I'll be there for you
You've changed your place in this world!
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Pacomc79Pacomc79 Posts: 9,404
    aww.. and it's not even mothers day yet. I'm sure your mom loves you very much.
    My Girlfriend said to me..."How many guitars do you need?" and I replied...."How many pairs of shoes do you need?" She got really quiet.
  • SchlitzSchlitz Posts: 141
    that was beautiful
    i have to remain at top sassiness, even though my inner sass is struggling
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    :( Poor mama! Good thing she has you! :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • idratherbeidratherbe Posts: 367
    Quite touching and nicely written... She is lucky to have a son who understands what her life has been about, and who also sympathizes with and is tormented by what old age brings even the brightest stars. I am glad she has you and I'm sure she is too.

    ~I wish peace for you both~
    Never allow someone to be your Priority,
    While allowing yourself to be their Option.

    ‹^›_‹(ô¿ô)›_‹^›

    Please visit daily: www.theanimalrescuesite.com
  • Morbid PoetMorbid Poet Posts: 24
    that was absolutely beautiful. You must be one of the lucky ones with a loving family
    its a bisexual thing

    I moved from the 9th to the 8th circle of hell. Before you know it I will be living in the first cirlce and I will own you.

    Just say NO to Bush.

    Vote Kerry! Save your freedom of speech and other various frredoms!

  • EvilToasterElfEvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
    It's definately a good poem, but rhyme really limits what most of us are really trying to say a lot of the time, I know when I look at most of my rhyme it just can't stand on it's own without removing some of the lines:

    for instance "Never ever filled with greed"
    "fill up with pain and strife"

    there is so much poignant imagery there but then some lines are just cliches thrown in to make the rhyme carry through and they feel to cheap for the sentiment your trying to let go of. You can tweak it within the rhyme but every line should say exactly what you want it too, if you're trapped into saying something that doesn't really mean anything than the poem begins to falter

    I would visit more often
    but leaving I unravel

    just beautiful, tweak away, a poem is never finished
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