Don't title most things............

even flow?
even flow? Posts: 8,066
edited November 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
The view never changes
In fact, it is hard to see
My room lights up
When the food tray slides through the slot
The rats scurry
For the darker corners
While I scurry
Towards the light
Once received
I recede to darkness
Once again
I feel for a wall
Sit myself down
My friends find my warm lap
How many more days
May my food help them survive
My unknown hunger strike
Plods along
Until a day
When I am free
My friends dinner
Will be me
You've changed your place in this world!
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • coachchris
    coachchris Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada Posts: 749
    Thanks for a very descriptive poem. So easy to visualize...
    Adolescence in essence is all about trust.
    Leaving is for the answering machine.
  • pacifier
    pacifier Posts: 1,009
    hmmm, that's rather depressing. I like that there was some other life in it, even if it was rats.
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Ooo, yeah, that's dark but very cool! I see a man, withering and gaunt from lack of nutrition and sunlight, feeding the rodents and putting up his silent protest. Now I'm left wondering if he'll be eaten by the very creatures he's been nurturing or if someone will care enough to save him.

    I also think of:

    "Rats...they don't compare!" :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    I like this. I sense the passion that the main character has for the cause, in fact, the main character is almost complacent about his current lot. Possibly giving up, and wondering how death will affect the outcome?
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    codedbrandedlabelled wrote:
    all that sacrifice and yet nobody knows..... sounds familuar
    Often when people hunger strike during incarceration the newspapers cover the stories, don't they?
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird

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