open letter to the wind

coleencoleen Posts: 938
edited December 2003 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
open letter to the wind

dont believe for a minute that i hate you.
i couldn't or can't because honestly i wouldn't want to.
where is the use in that?

i hate this hole where you used to be and the feeling that everyone can see right through and inside me.
i didn't mind when it was you because i believed and trusted you when you asked me to.
i hate feeling uneasy inside my own skin because i can't trust my own judgement anymore.

if you are who you say you had always been
and even if you had only been the very least that you insist
there are a few things that should have mattered to you but they didn't and they don't
and whether you will admit it or not that shows how you really felt about me
and just so you know that is what hurts the most
thats the piece that i can't reconcile
you would have loved me enough to be honest
which is more than not telling a lie

and in spite of everything you still look basically the same to me
i still see most of the what i saw before only some of it shines a bit less
and i still wish the same happiness for you that i always had
and i still see more in you than i think you do

and i hoped that things wouldn't turn out like this
but you've closed your eyes and closed your ears and closed your mouth
and you refuse to see anything or hear anything and you aren't saying anything but the lines that you've relied on when things are too hard
and you are keeping yourself safe
and maybe i should have done the same and maybe i shouldn't have loved you
but i did and as your friend i still do

so i gave in to what you asked for which was your freedom
i've taken credit for this painting all to myself
now put me in my place which is your past
and drift off to dream up a new life and dream yourself a dream that will last
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • And I was going to PM you today and ask you why we haven't seen anything new for a while!!!!! coleen, when you speak you take my breath away! This is very moving and beautiful! :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Ohh col's that's so beautifully open and honest. I admire how you can still love him and wish him no ill feeling when he has hurt you so much.........

    Don't worry sweets, it's a short corner and you'll be around it soon

    Abbie
    xxx
    Abikins70
    xxx

    "I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work"
  • coleencoleen Posts: 938
    being - you can pm me anytime ;) i've been writing a bunch lately but most of it has been too much for myself. i worked really hard on something to share here that was inspired by a day i had last weekend only as it turns out my life is more fictional than even i knew and it hardly seems appropriate anymore.

    abbie - no matter what happens you don't stop loving your friends and if that makes me stupid or foolish or vulnerable or romantic then so be it. thats why you should be warned that you're stuck with me girl....no getting rid of me now. :)
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    i wish someone wrote this about me

    coleen's poems are usually like this:
    they start off soft and loving and humble and you think you know exactly where they could and will be going and then somewhere near the middle or near the middle of the end they turn on you and get aggressive or dark or aggressive and dark or they just get different and weird or there's some moment or memory that interupts your thought about what the poem was and is and you get taken somewhere else into a different region somewhere; far off into space or onto the alaskan tundra or into a lilting nightmare and then as you become hooked to this part of the story the poem then turns on you again and is soft and loving and caring again and you're in a warm-warm bed with a warm-warm lover and you're crying or smiling or laughing or frowning or spanking or twitching or you're doing all of those things and you're back to being happy and glad and the poem ends and you wonder what you just read...

    but this one seems different...seems maybe angry or mad or something like that and it seems like something i can't get a hold of, but its something that i know or think i know, yet either way this one, like the other ones, is some-kind-of real and straight out of some deep-deep cavern in the heart.
  • coleencoleen Posts: 938
    Originally posted by Goulet

    but this one seems different...seems maybe angry or mad or something like that and it seems like something i can't get a hold of, but its something that i know or think i know, yet either way this one, like the other ones, is some-kind-of real and straight out of some deep-deep cavern in the heart.

    you know, just like you always do.

    this one is different - because its new and as it happens and less of looking back or dreaming of tomorrow. its still becoming.

    this one is different because its so real you can touch it and if its angry or mad - its meant toward myself. mostly its different because its hurt, more than i ever thought it could be.

    please don't wish for someone to write things like this about you because its a poem about loss. i don't want you to get lost. :)
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    Originally posted by coleen
    i don't want you to get lost. :)

    but if i get lost then i can finally be found...
  • coleencoleen Posts: 938
    Originally posted by Goulet
    but if i get lost then i can finally be found...

    someone will find you whether or not you ever get lost.
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    Originally posted by coleen
    someone will find you whether or not you ever get lost.

    that can be debated
  • coleencoleen Posts: 938
    debate away, i'll still believe enough for both of us
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    the wind is as unwholesome as anything that goes before our eyes or doesn't because the wind is everything; all the hate and love and tortured words and cries in the night and heart-broken lovers and all that and everything else, so much that it would take a million years to explain but one percent of what the wind is and yet
    here goes the wind a-whippin' through my hair
    it doesn't even give a care,
    but i'll tell you this,
    i can't wait to be the wind
    a-whippin' all freely up there.
  • TUBBYTUBBY Posts: 4
    coleen, i tip my hat to your insite and your ability to put your thoughts and feelings into words to share with us all, its a true feather in your cap to be able to do that and a skill which would help many of us from time to time. continue to write, inspire us all...
    'ave a good one...TUBBY
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