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The Spirits of New Orleans

puremagicpuremagic Posts: 1,907
edited September 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
She sat in corner, so close to the walls as if she was trying to fade into them. Black and dirty, clothes caked with mud where she'd had waded in the filthy water and it had dried. How rude one person said, these people have no shame, she could try to cover her breast while feeding that damn baby. The people nodded and moved along. Laughter erupted, what's so funny, I wish someone would suck on me that long and point again to the corner. This time her eyes acknowledged them pointing, laughing. mocking. With great effort she gets up and starts to the table, so control an purposed, each step seems like it brought pain to her whole body. Her breast still exposed as she continued to feed the baby. Can we help you? Up close you could the paths left by her tears. She said, from slaves, to niggers, to refugees, did you ever see me as an American, and laid the baby on the table and began to walk away. Hey, hey you, what's the baby's name. She stopped turned around and said, just call him American and collapsed. As people attended her, the attention returned to the baby. As the t-shirt it was wrapped in was removed, it was clear to see the baby had been dead for at least a couple of days. Several facture ribs, that had allowed internal bleeding to go unchecked for days, would soon claim her.
SIN EATERS--We take the moral excrement we find in this equation and we bury it down deep inside of us so that the rest of our case can stay pure. That is the job. We are morally indefensible and absolutely necessary.
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Comments

  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    puremagic wrote:
    She sat in corner, so close to the walls as if she was trying to fade into them. Black and dirty, clothes caked with mud where she'd had waded in the filthy water and it had dried. How rude one person said, these people have no shame, she could try to cover her breast while feeding that damn baby. The people nodded and moved along. Laughter erupted, what's so funny, I wish someone would suck on me that long and point again to the corner. This time her eyes acknowledged them pointing, laughing. mocking. With great effort she gets up and starts to the table, so control an purposed, each step seems like it brought pain to her whole body. Her breast still exposed as she continued to feed the baby. Can we help you? Up close you could the paths left by her tears. She said, from slaves, to niggers, to refugees, did you ever see me as an American, and laid the baby on the table and began to walk away. Hey, hey you, what's the baby's name. She stopped turned around and said, just call him American and collapsed. As people attended her, the attention returned to the baby. As the t-shirt it was wrapped in was removed, it was clear to see the baby had been dead for at least a couple of days. Several facture ribs, that had allowed internal bleeding to go unchecked for days, would soon claim her.
    Its a shame as to what has been going on down there that this poem strikes the heart and vein of what really went on.Poor with nowhere to go...
    hungry with no where to feed ...thirsty with nowhere to drink...
    and hurting with nowhere to die in peace.And some people just don't seem to care.Kinda makes you wonder what evils lay in the heart of the hurricane.
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • JDE-PJJDE-PJ Posts: 721
    Those are chilling words, which I hope and pray, did not happen in the aftermath of Katrina down there.

    Hi puremagic, it's very nice to see your name on here.
    I know someday you will have a beautiful Life


    Jason
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    puremagic, that was so sad! :( Thanks for sharing-it's nice to see you 'round these parts. :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • even flow?even flow? Posts: 8,066
    Hey there little lady!!! A very nice and image provoking piece here. I like it a lot.

    Good to see you around.
    You've changed your place in this world!
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Vivid, topical and controlled in its emotive force. Good work. On a matter of style, the only tiny thing that needs changing, in my view, is one sentence. I'd change the tense of "gets", "starts" and "seems" - in "With great effort she gets up and starts to the table, so control an purposed, each step seems like it brought pain to her whole body" - to "got", "started" and "seeming". That way, it accords with the past tense used throughout the rest of the piece ("seeming" working with "brought"). I'd tweak one or two words too, so it reads,

    "With great effort she got up and started to the table, so controlled and with purpose, each step seeming like it brought pain to her whole body."

    I hope that suggestion is okay. :)

    Thanks for sharing this. It's genuinely moving.
  • twin2twin2 Posts: 894
    That gave me a chill when I read it. It's a very emotional writing. It really makes you think too.
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,265
    The first thought that came to my head was, "holy shit!" This is very forceful, and I want to know more, but I almost feel, as if the main character is saying it, that I don't have a right.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
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