pay the mind

danielheyes
danielheyes Posts: 362
edited July 2007 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
ive only just started writing songs and wanted to post my words on here so let me know what you think,personally i think they are still a little weak.......what think you>

he has coins over his eyes
said the boy to my surprise
with the dead man in his sights

it was a life that gave life worth
he never made it worse
gave his all to make you smile

will you remember when you're old
remember when you're told
will you pay the mind to see clearly

its me,its me,me who paid the mind

he steered the boy towards the man
made the sun rise again
as we move towards the grave

the one thing i know for sure
now we'll see him no more
the battle was won there's no more war

its me,its me,me who paid the mind (rpt a few times and end)
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through......
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • eamonpatrick
    eamonpatrick Posts: 43
    Of course, I would like to listen to the accompanying music to get the full load of it, but you know . . .

    Nonetheless, you've got a good start there.
    "The legacy of Surrealism after 1968 must surely follow artists, writers, thinkers and activists who are committed to the power of the unconscious and to the imagination of other possible worlds."

    - Alyce Mahon
  • eMMI
    eMMI Posts: 6,262
    I think this:

    it was a life that gave life worth
    he never made it worse
    gave his all to make you smile

    is my favourite part. :)

    I don't have the words right now to say what I'm thinking. but I can see this happening so to speak. I can see the boy and the man and all that and I think that's always a good thing.
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."

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