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candle

SchlitzSchlitz Posts: 141
edited April 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Nothings changed
Life is still here with me
Hold me close
Don’t ever let me go
When you do
I shall break
Peace of mind
Gone for good
No hope no life no breath
Please come back to me
Candle burned no wick
Charred so deep
I cannot overcome
Everyday I say I will
Every way punishes me
Or the punish is my will
I hate that I am so caring
My curse
Others say it is my blessing
A heart so big
Knees so willing to skin
Smile so big
Teeth so ready to chip
Naïve in so many ways
I give so easy
I’m hurt so bad for it
i have to remain at top sassiness, even though my inner sass is struggling
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • SoLATisASoLATisA Posts: 215
    schlitz, if there shuold ever be a writing made into a sticky on this forum, this is it..... i hope a lot of people read this... there are just too many great lines for people to pass over.... you are truly a budding talent here on this forum, and def my favorite writer... i'd like to start your fan club if possible :D .... this is just sooo touching..... it's better than a lot of things i've seen professional writers write..... keep up the beautiful work
  • who's_pearljam?who's_pearljam? Posts: 2,104
    Beautiful.
    I just came over here to the "art" side.
    I never knew how much talent there is here!
    Your poems and writings are so direct and touching. I could read this one over and over.
    I'll sign up for the fan club!
    SoLATisa is president, though!


    Peace of mind comes and goes
    But is never gone for good

    :)
    Be kind, man
    Don't be mankind. ~Captain Beefheart
    __________________________________
  • rarghrargh-brownstarrarghrargh-brownstar Posts: 1,272
    WOW.
    Rarghstarfarian.
  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    Schlitzy this is gorgeous!! What a talent you have! Really, the lines of this poem flow in such a beautiful way. Such a *pleasure* to read. Honestly. Never stop writing. Please??

    More people should read your stuff, and see you're more than just a robot-dancin' mofo!! tee hee ;)

    Love,
    Jessie
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • casper leblanccasper leblanc Posts: 1,246
    Love it, but plastic chair is still my favorite ;)
  • SchlitzSchlitz Posts: 141
    Thanks guys! I'm glad you like what i write.
    i have to remain at top sassiness, even though my inner sass is struggling
  • Pacomc79Pacomc79 Posts: 9,404
    Beautiful Schlitz. I have felt that way (and still do a lot)

    I think if you keep putting out good eventually it will come back around. Besides you like who you are anyway.
    My Girlfriend said to me..."How many guitars do you need?" and I replied...."How many pairs of shoes do you need?" She got really quiet.
  • blackredyellowblackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    Outstanding.... beuatiful words and beautiful flow.

    Great stuff, keep writing.
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • imessiahimessiah Posts: 29
    thats good. :)
    It's a well known fact that drugs have caused paranoia, brain damage, and loss of reality in those that have never taken them.
  • EvilToasterElfEvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
    Before I say anything I'll note that my opinion is invalidated by the overwhelming sympathy for the work that shows on the board.

    I guess it just difference of opinion, or maybe I'm a poetry snob, but I hate relationship poetry, I think most of it is trite and tries too hard to garner sympathy from abstractions.

    I think when you use lines like "Hold me close" and Don't ever let go that it completely invalidates any adult message you're trying to get across unless you do something refreshing and unique with it.

    It's nice to be able to use poetry to unload the burdens of your heart or soul or wherever you feel those things rest but I personally appreciate a vivid image of the pain your feeling, what did you give to who? what happened because of it. These things typically resonate much better with me, why do you need him to hold you?

    Just my thoughts, take em or leave em, or ignore, you're clearly hitting a strain with enough people not to worry about the elvish community
  • SchlitzSchlitz Posts: 141
    Originally posted by EvilToasterElf
    Before I say anything I'll note that my opinion is invalidated by the overwhelming sympathy for the work that shows on the board.

    I guess it just difference of opinion, or maybe I'm a poetry snob, but I hate relationship poetry, I think most of it is trite and tries too hard to garner sympathy from abstractions.

    I think when you use lines like "Hold me close" and Don't ever let go that it completely invalidates any adult message you're trying to get across unless you do something refreshing and unique with it.

    It's nice to be able to use poetry to unload the burdens of your heart or soul or wherever you feel those things rest but I personally appreciate a vivid image of the pain your feeling, what did you give to who? what happened because of it. These things typically resonate much better with me, why do you need him to hold you?

    Just my thoughts, take em or leave em, or ignore, you're clearly hitting a strain with enough people not to worry about the elvish community

    Yes I know what you are saying but writing words down from a broken relationship helps. It is for no one really but myself and sharing it is nice. But i do appreciate your opinion and will keep it in mind in the future Mr. Elf. Thanks!

    Kel
    i have to remain at top sassiness, even though my inner sass is struggling
  • rarghrargh-brownstarrarghrargh-brownstar Posts: 1,272
    Originally posted by Schlitz
    Yes I know what you are saying but writing words down from a broken relationship helps. It is for no one really but myself and sharing it is nice. But i do appreciate your opinion and will keep it in mind in the future Mr. Elf. Thanks!

    Kel
    it helps to let it out
    and i hope it helped you in many cathartic ways
    thanks for sharing ur hurt with us
    sassy one :)
    great imagery.........:( even if sad
    Rarghstarfarian.
  • rarghrargh-brownstarrarghrargh-brownstar Posts: 1,272
    also, the cool thing is
    that u can keep it as it is
    or expand on it
    ( i like it the way it already is, personally )
    but u can always add more

    keep on sharing sassy one
    Rarghstarfarian.
  • BuruBuru Posts: 8,473
    lovely poem Schlitz :)
    y la banda de Guille... cuando toca?
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