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SchlitzSchlitz Posts: 141
edited June 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
It is odd
On my shelf
I hold so much
I think it, live it
One step brings a new one

Want to embrace this
But it complicates me
I’m shaking
I’m learning
I’m living

My head spins
I want more
But it swirls around me
I can’t pick the meaning
Comfort has gone
I’m only here seeing

Building the bridge
This I have based my life on
Feeling is gone
Sad but true
I’m faceless

Highlighted by lies
Held by dreams
Ever so calmed
Sweet life of mine
Bitter taste of reality

A look over my shoulder
Reminds me of my past
A past I cannot….
Hold me
Sighs , I am now finally finding me
i have to remain at top sassiness, even though my inner sass is struggling
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Traver DiDiminicoTraver DiDiminico Posts: 185
    Well written (technically speaking)

    I think you can add to this...there's something your holding back
    If there was a chair in which I could comprehend, I would stand always and embrace the path
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    No, I understand the tentativeness of this poem. I think this is a poem about making a new step in life, and I get the sense of the taking of that step expressed in the lines. Maybe this is the beginning of a new relationship, a move to a new home, or to a new job, and the speaker is just feeling their way and talking about feeling their way, too.

    This wasn't my usual literary critical mode of reply here, just my wanting to say I enjoyed the poem. The going further in life will happen in the next poem.

    Thank you, Schlitz. I enjoyed it.

    :)
  • Traver DiDiminicoTraver DiDiminico Posts: 185
    for sure, this is a good poem (who am I to say anyway?). I just feel like there are some connections that you intend the reader to make but there's just not quite enough there to get the job done. Anyway, to reiterate from my first post: VERY WELL WRITTEN. Look forward to reading more
    If there was a chair in which I could comprehend, I would stand always and embrace the path
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    Yes, what I should have said was that the theme of tentativeness is tenderly expressed in the tentativeness of the form of the poem itself.

    :)

    We're all agreed though. It's well written.
  • Traver DiDiminicoTraver DiDiminico Posts: 185
    indeed...you're up late, eh Fin?
    If there was a chair in which I could comprehend, I would stand always and embrace the path
  • swedeswede Posts: 558
    schlitzy babe.. ur poem moves me..

    it really does.. and i just wanna run up to u and give u a bigggg fat swedish hug... *HUGS*
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    Originally posted by Traver DiDiminico
    indeed...you're up late, eh Fin?

    Twelfth Night
    ACT II SCENE III OLIVIA's house.
    Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW


    SIR TOBY BELCH Approach, Sir Andrew: not to be abed after
    midnight is to be up betimes; and 'diluculo
    surgere,' thou know'st,--
    SIR ANDREW Nay, my troth, I know not: but I know, to be up
    late is to be up late.
    SIR TOBY BELCH A false conclusion: I hate it as an unfilled can.
    To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is
    early: so that to go to bed after midnight is to go
    to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the
    four elements?
    SIR ANDREW Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists
    of eating and drinking.
    SIR TOBY BELCH Thou'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.
  • Traver DiDiminicoTraver DiDiminico Posts: 185
    touche...

    :)
    If there was a chair in which I could comprehend, I would stand always and embrace the path
  • SchlitzSchlitz Posts: 141
    added
    i have to remain at top sassiness, even though my inner sass is struggling
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