How to write a blues song
SuzannePjam
Posts: 411
*
I got this in an email and thought it was pretty funny so I'm sharing it with all of you music loving potential blues writin' fans.
**********************
Primer on THE BLUES
*
If you are into Blues music, or like it, but never really understood the
why and wherefores, here are some fundamental rules:
*
1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning."
*
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick
something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the
meanest face in town."
*
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
*
Then find something that rhymes - sort of: "Got a good woman with the
meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in
town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."
*
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
ditch... ain't no way out.
*
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't
travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and
state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.* Walkin' plays a
major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
*
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults
sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the
electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
*
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in
Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still
the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place
that don't get rain.
*
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the
Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
*
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is
wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
*
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
*
11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. Art gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
*
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen
to be an old person, and you slept in it.
*
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
*
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
*
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. TigerWoods
cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got
a leg up on the Blues.
*
15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the
Blues.
Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
*
The following are not Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
*
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.
So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a
broken-down cot.
*
You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while
getting liposuction.
*
17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
*
18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
*
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather
can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
*
20. Blues Name Starter Kit:
a. name of a physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of a fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of a President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi
Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
*
21. And I don't care how tragic your life is, if anyone in your family
plays soccer, you can't sing the blues.
*
I got this in an email and thought it was pretty funny so I'm sharing it with all of you music loving potential blues writin' fans.
**********************
Primer on THE BLUES
*
If you are into Blues music, or like it, but never really understood the
why and wherefores, here are some fundamental rules:
*
1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning."
*
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick
something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the
meanest face in town."
*
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
*
Then find something that rhymes - sort of: "Got a good woman with the
meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in
town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."
*
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
ditch... ain't no way out.
*
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't
travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and
state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.* Walkin' plays a
major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
*
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults
sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the
electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
*
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in
Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still
the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place
that don't get rain.
*
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the
Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
*
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is
wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
*
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
*
11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. Art gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
*
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen
to be an old person, and you slept in it.
*
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
*
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
*
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. TigerWoods
cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got
a leg up on the Blues.
*
15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the
Blues.
Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
*
The following are not Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
*
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.
So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a
broken-down cot.
*
You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while
getting liposuction.
*
17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
*
18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
*
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather
can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
*
20. Blues Name Starter Kit:
a. name of a physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of a fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of a President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi
Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
*
21. And I don't care how tragic your life is, if anyone in your family
plays soccer, you can't sing the blues.
*
"Where there is sacrifice there is someone collecting the sacrificial offerings."-- Ayn Rand
"Some of my friends sit around every evening and they worry about the times ahead,
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed..."-- Elvis Costello
"Some of my friends sit around every evening and they worry about the times ahead,
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed..."-- Elvis Costello
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
"Some of my friends sit around every evening and they worry about the times ahead,
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed..."-- Elvis Costello
---
London, Brixton, 14 July 1993
London, Wembley, 1996
London, Wembley, 18 June 2007
London, O2, 18 August 2009
London, Hammersmith Apollo (Ed solo), 31 July 2012
Milton Keynes Bowl, 11 July 2014
This forum is not just about jews arabs and bush though but they are enough to give anyone the blues.
---
London, Brixton, 14 July 1993
London, Wembley, 1996
London, Wembley, 18 June 2007
London, O2, 18 August 2009
London, Hammersmith Apollo (Ed solo), 31 July 2012
Milton Keynes Bowl, 11 July 2014
The "I've Got the I'm Actually Fairly Happy and Well-adjusted Blues"
It's about a guy who has the blues because he doesn't have the blues.
If you wanna know how to play the blues...
get yourself a woman!
naděje umírá poslední
Reminds me of Billy Connolly's criteria for writing a country song - you need death and a great deal of it; a relative, preferably pretty close; a good dose of religion; and a some poor unfortunate with lots o' things wrong with them.... so he tried his hand at it and wrote a country song called "My Grandmother Drowned at the Grotto at Lourdes.... Because a Hunchback Pushed Her In."
96: Cork, Dublin
00: Dublin
06: London, Dublin
07: London, Copenhagen, Nijmegen
09: Manchester, London
10: Dublin, Belfast, London & Berlin
11: San José
12: Isle of Wight, Copenhagen, Ed in Manchester & London x2