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Band Conflict

nailz100nailz100 Posts: 1,176
edited 2004 28 in Musicians and Gearheads
I'm just wondering how many of you musicians out there play in a band and have pretty intense conflicts with your bandmates. I swear...sometimes I want to kill the guys that I play with....like literally punch them out...and I am always outnumbered when it comes to confrontations. Just want to hear some of your stories, and perhaps your input on dealing with situations like these.
Only with our eyes closed can we truly see
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • mojorison_75mojorison_75 Posts: 157
    There's a guy in my band that is always screwing around. It's almost impossible to accomplish things sometimes. He hardly ever practices to boot. The other day I took my lighter and flung it across the room, hitting him in the balls.

    I don't reccomend this, however. You need to be able to resolve your differences and all come to some sort of agreement. If they never listen to you and you're not happy with that you might should go elsewhere. Though I would definately suggest trying to talk thing out before going that far.
  • nailz100nailz100 Posts: 1,176
    Thanks for the advice man....it's nice to know there are other musicians out there that get just as frustrated as I do. Nice aim...hitting him where it counts....maybe now he'll think twice about fucking around.
    Only with our eyes closed can we truly see
  • Lukin_ozLukin_oz Posts: 257
    I was just thinking today that you dont appreciate how hard it is to be in a band until you are. Everyone has a different opinion from music to cd artwork to setlist to covers to practice schedules to work ethics. Its a killer... but worth it once you get it right. Pays to be flexible too... one of the guys in my band is really subborn and a little niave too so its a tough combination.
    Those who dance are called insane by those who dont hear the music
  • GrungeminionGrungeminion Posts: 28
    I have a big problem with my 'band' the other guitarist he is my causin he is my friend but hes the biggest f'in thing in the way of the progression of the 'Band'...
    Heres why > He never wants to pratice
    > He repeats ' couldn't be f***** to often
    > He doesent understand that a band is a democracy
    > Every time i try and get a bassist he says no to
    the individual and offers no explanation
    for eg hes shit or i dont like him etc would sufice.
    we practice in his mothers base ment and we are allowed to pratice when ever we want but we never get to pratice because he couldn't be fucked he lives 30 seconds away i and the drummer live 15 minuets away i have to carry my 100watt/guitar/pedal,leads down each time and he couldn't be 'f'ed
    so we cant pratice and we cant take on more members we need the pratice to get better i and the drummer confronted him and he says that he whats to chill on sunday he is lazy he chills every day every decision seems to get passed to him so he can turn it down now he says he wants to leave it to the summer until we start to pratice again HOW CAN I DEAL WITH HIM?????????
    the main problem is hes one of my best friends and a good guitarist but if i could go back in time i would not of asked him to join. So HOW CAN I DEAL WITH HIM?????????
    THE SKY IS BLUE,
    and all the leaves are green,
    MY HEARTS AS FULL AS A BAKED POTATO.
  • 69charger69charger Posts: 1,045
    Get really really good. That's the best thing you can do to win arguments in a band. If you are someone who's talent they can't possibly do without, then you can dictate how you want things to be done. If you suck then you are screwed.
  • Lukin_ozLukin_oz Posts: 257
    Had the same problem with our bass player and basically sat down with him and said we really wanna be the best we can be... by doing this and this and practicing this many times a week. Then basically asked if he was in or out... Bottom line is you gotta do what you want... dont think you cant go on without him. Just play with as many people as possible and have fun. Makes it tough his your best friend though...
    Those who dance are called insane by those who dont hear the music
  • mojorison_75mojorison_75 Posts: 157
    He may be good, but one reason to consider on why he turns down other members is that he is self concious about his playing. He may be anxious about a bass player coming in, being really good and making him feel inadequate. He could also be worried about a power shift if he has that much control now. The three of you may just decide to do stuff anyway and he won't be in control.

    You sound like you've got a decently bad situation there. The first thing I would suggest is find another place to practice. That will give the two of you more control on what goes on. This may piss him off bad enough that he just quits or it may prompt him to be more cooperative because he now knows you can do things without him.

    If it gets to the point that he just won't do anything or is really holding you back you may have to get rid of him. Just be as good about it as possible and talk to him. Don't just kick him out. He may be upset, but if you really are good friends he'll either shape up or get out and get over it.

    I think it's really imprtant that you find another place to play though. Also when you find another musician you really want to sign on, insist on it. He only has that much control, because the two of you let him.
  • nailz100nailz100 Posts: 1,176
    mojorison_75 is right. A guy that lazy and causing that much trouble in a band shouldn't be there to begin with. Best friends or not...this is my quote. "You can't let someone get in the way of your dreams".....If he is really a friend he will understand. It would be like you going to work with one of your buddies and holding him back every day he is on the job because of your laziness or inability to get things done. If its any consolation...I've gone through 3 best friends, and I don't feel a bit of regret because they were holding me back. Don't let one person dictate your hapiness and your ability to succeed.
    Only with our eyes closed can we truly see
  • nailz100nailz100 Posts: 1,176
    Oh yeah, and a NEUTRAL practice space is a good idea.....that way nobody has control......control is an illusion
    Only with our eyes closed can we truly see
  • brain_of_jasbrain_of_jas Posts: 61
    Originally posted by mojorison_75
    He may be good, but one reason to consider on why he turns down other members is that he is self concious about his playing. He may be anxious about a bass player coming in, being really good and making him feel inadequate. He could also be worried about a power shift if he has that much control now. The three of you may just decide to do stuff anyway and he won't be in control.

    You sound like you've got a decently bad situation there. The first thing I would suggest is find another place to practice. That will give the two of you more control on what goes on. This may piss him off bad enough that he just quits or it may prompt him to be more cooperative because he now knows you can do things without him.

    If it gets to the point that he just won't do anything or is really holding you back you may have to get rid of him. Just be as good about it as possible and talk to him. Don't just kick him out. He may be upset, but if you really are good friends he'll either shape up or get out and get over it.

    I think it's really imprtant that you find another place to play though. Also when you find another musician you really want to sign on, insist on it. He only has that much control, because the two of you let him.

    Do what this guy says man. At the end of the day you should all be having fun, thats what its all about is it not. If someone in the band has a problem then try to find out the reason. Most of the time its fixable if not, cite musical differences and punt him out ;)
    www.myspace.com/dhmarks - Me

    www.myspace.com/jackietreehornmusic - The Band
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