Death/Your Mortality

We All Believe · January 30

A perfect way to mark 1,000 posts lol.

Do you think about your own death? Have you had a near-death experience?

This stems from a rough start to the year:

- On New Year's Day, a good friend of mine passed away. Karen was in poor health for a while, and she is in a better place now, but it's still devastating. I will miss her terribly.

- A couple of weeks ago marked 1 year since I had a heart attack, and was forced to seriously examine my own mortality for the first time.

At Karen's funeral, I couldn't help but think about my own: when, where (it would be at my church/the private school I went to, and the funeral home across the street).

Who would show up? Who wouldn't? Who's not allowed to go? (My most recent ex. Although I probably shouldn't ask the living to waste their energy on her, I can't help but think that she didn't say goodbye the first time, so she doesn't get to do it now.)

Who would speak? What would they say?

My brother would speak. I don't think I'd want my best friend from college, the mother of my Goddaughters, to speak, because I think it should be limited to my brother. I'd probably have her do a reading. She's in charge of the picture boards at the funeral.

Music? Maybe printed lyrics of some of my favorite songs, but I'm not sure about actually playing anything.

I mocked up prayer cards a couple of weeks ago, with a picture of me standing in the Pacific Ocean, about to be obliterated by a huge wave. The last verses of "I'm The Ocean" - "I'm not present..." are on the back. I died on my 77th birthday - born in 1977, full circle.

I'd be buried at the cemetery where my mom, her parents, my aunt/her sister, and Babe Ruth are, amongst others. Section 17 - I was born on the 17th. Don't have the plot yet.

Not sure what, if anything, will be on the stone. I'll be in the ground, not cremated. I'm tall and big, so those maggots will feast lol.

***

Before the cardiac catheter last year, I was asked a bunch of questions, one of which was something like "In the event that you become incapacitated, do you want us to administer life-saving efforts?"

I wept, and laughed, because:

- I'd literally never been asked that question before.
- I honestly didn't know how to answer it. I ultimately said "Yes", but I wasn't sure at first, because of what that entails: being alive vs. actually living. These days, the answer might be "No". Probably should have been "No" originally.

1 stent and 40 pounds late, I'm currently healthier than I've been since my college football days. I got very lucky. But now, anytime there's even a peep in my chest or my arm or neck, I panic. I can't help it. I had a scheduled check-up a few days, and everything is great, but I'll probably always think like that. The good thing is that, God forbid, it happens again, I will know it immediately, because the feeling/sensation is indescribable, one I'd never felt before. Makes it very easy to dismiss everything else as the pains of getting old or sleeping wrong lol.

I joked to a friend about having a slow, miserable, drawn-out death, and she chastised me, and she was right. I don't want to waste away, like Karen, or my grandfather, or my aunt. I'd sign up today to go the way my mom did. She went to sleep, and didn't wake up.

Thanks for listening, and for sharing.

Andrew

Gern Blansten · January 30

No near death experiences for me (luckily....I did have an issue with a blood clot in my leg a few years ago that was kind of scary) but I do tend to think about the worst scenarios sometimes.

I get really nervous watching bad things happen to other people and just wonder when my time will be up.

Will I make it through life without seeing one of my children die? Or a grandchild? I can't imagine the agony.

We have a family vacation coming up in May where three of my four children and my only grandchild will be flying together. I won't mention it to anyone but I do tend to get nervous that most of my family will be on one plane, etc.

Life is precious but also painful sometimes. That sucks.

HughFreakingDillon · January 31

I was at a funeral yesterday. My wife’s brother’s father in law. But he was also my plumber. Added a bathroom to my basement. Saw him pretty regularly.

Even before he became sick, I thought about him often. He made a very specific impact on me with something he said and it always makes me laugh when I think about it.

I often wonder (hope) if I ever made an impact like that on anyone.

I have basically zero ego, so when I think about someone I maybe haven’t seen in a while, I sometimes think “I wonder if anyone thinks about me?”, and I quickly come to the conclusion that no one ever does.

I think this likely stems from my history of depression, and would use the “no one will miss me” when considering the end. At first you try to convince yourself of this so the guilt fades. But then it becomes fact over time. I just assume I will be quickly forgotten.

So that led me to think that I don’t think I’d need a funeral; no one would come.

But I recently realized the funeral isn’t about me. I’m dead so I can’t be embarrassed if no one shows. But I know one thing-any mention of god is strictly prohibited.

I think I want to be buried in a tree. Wouldn’t that be something. Instead of morbid cemeteries with headstones, we should plant trees with the remains/ashes. Imagine being able to visit a loved one and have them still provide shade or comfort and beauty instead of this cold depressing stone.

josevolution · January 31

I’ve experienced a couple events in my life that could have been the end for me! But even then I didn’t think about death maybe I was to young to realize how close I really came to death

josevolution · February 3

Did I just kill the thread about dying 😂😂

We All Believe · February 3

josevolution said:

Did I just kill the thread about dying 😂😂

Lolololol that made me laugh out loud.

It's a tough topic for sure.

PJ_Soul · February 3

I personally have no problem at all talking about death and dying. It's hard for me that most other people seem to really struggle with the topic, and some of them might actually think I'm totally morbid or something when I talk about it so comfortably, lol.

My main interest in it is actually the logistics of it. I think about things like when I'm going to access MAID (medical assistance in dying), the fact that I actually really want to die in a hospital because it's just so much simpler than dying at home - it's actually a pain in the ass for family to die at home, and more traumatic! Your bowels often void when you die and stuff, and the family has to watch you being carried away in a body bag ffs. I definitely don't want to subject anyone to that if I can avoid it (one often can't avoid it of course, if you just drop dead). Dying in the hospital is so streamlined and clean, plus I don't want to lie there at home decomposing for any amount of time until someone finds me. At some point when I'm older I'm going to subscribe to one of those check-in apps, where you just check-in each day, and if you don't, an assigned person will be contacted so they can check on you and make sure you're not dead and rotting on the floor. And one wants to take care of their shit if they can long before death. Leaving someone else to empty out a hoard house or whatever is one of the worst things to do to anyone - it's one of my main motivations in keeping my home really decluttered, lol.

HughFreakingDillon · February 3

PJ_Soul said:

I personally have no problem at all talking about death and dying. It's hard for me that most other people seem to really struggle with the topic, and some of them might actually think I'm totally morbid or something when I talk about it so comfortably, lol. My main interest in it is actually the logistics of it. I think about things like when I'm going to access MAID (medically assistance in dying), the fact that I actually really want to die in a hospital because it's just so much simpler than dying at home - it's actually a pain in the ass for family to die at home, and more traumatic! Your bowels often void when you die and stuff, and the family has to watch you being carried away in a body bag ffs. I definitely don't want to subject anyone to that if I can avoid it (one often can't avoid it of course, if you just drop dead). Dying in the hospital is so streamlined and clean, plus I don't want to lie there at home decomposing for any amount of time until someone finds me. At some point when I'm older I'm going to subscribe to one of those check-in apps, where you just check-in each day, and if you don't, an assigned person will be contacted so they can check on you and make sure you're not dead and rotting on the floor. And one wants to take care of their shit if they can long before death. Leaving someone else to empty out a hoard house or whatever is one of the worst things to do to anyone - it's one of my main motivations in keeping my home really decluttered, lol.

yeah, my in laws described that very thing when their dad died last week. He died in his sleep, at home, and the waiting they had to endure while there was a corpse in the home was not something they enjoyed.

the first time I knew about the voiding post-death was when my dog died. we were all in the room when he was put to sleep, and literally seconds after he passed this nugget just came out. I was mortified that the vet didn't warn any of us.

josevolution · February 3

I don’t mind talking about death and what or how I will die! It’s a natural progression of life but my 32 year old son hates even thinking about death in our family!

Gern Blansten · February 3

My wife lost her Dad Nov '24....then her Mom went into assisted living around May '25

Her mom had been purging stuff for the last few years so there wasn't much to remove from her house. I was a little surprised at how she just left everything behind. She basically decided that she didn't want to stay in her house alone anymore and my wife and her sisters helped her move into an assisted living facility.

She didn't even really want much of her own clothes, etc. She always liked going to Goodwill so my wife just gets her a few things every so often.

Her house sold easily so she's got a year and a half of funds to burn through before she'll need to go on Medicaid.

My father in law was the complete opposite...he had to fight cancer and lost to it....he was 86 or so but it was sad because he was in extremely good health except for that. Throat/mouth cancer...basically just grew until he couldn't eat anymore. He had a garage full of stuff...three sheds full, house full, a separate property with an old house on it that is full of crap, etc.

It's amazing how much work can be left for the family to deal with. I'm hoping to get my shit in order a bit better for when it's my time.

HughFreakingDillon · February 4

I'm starting to get rid of a lot of my stuff now, and I'm only 51. I'm tired of accumulating more stuff. It seems so wasteful. I've even stopped buying vinyl. I was going to actually sell most of my collection. It's just...difficult to get rid of some things.

For me it's more about realizing stuff won't fill the void that I've been trying to for so long, rather than doing it as a means to my end.

my FIL did it right. They basically have zero possessions left. They live in assisted as well, until she needs something more involved. But there won't be anything to deal with when the time comes. Same with my parents. They have what they need for decoration, photo albums, and stuff like that. But no pile of junk to deal with.

PJ_Soul · February 4

You should keep and play the vinyl!! That's not a waste!

Gern Blansten · February 5

Yeah vinyl is easy to deal with. We seem to have just collected lots of furniture and household stuff due to four kids moving in and out to college. I have at least four tvs that aren't hooked up that work fine.

HughFreakingDillon · February 5

PJ_Soul said:

You should keep and play the vinyl!! That's not a waste!

the way I buy it it can be. I go through these phases where I get all jazzed up about a band's "limited" release, then all of a sudden, being the weird completist that I am, need to have their entire collection. For example, I have every Glorious Sons album on vinyl. I'm not even really a fan. But I'm a sucker for "limited edition" items. I don't know if you're a fan of the Simpsons, but every time I buy something I think of that scene where Homer sees an ad on tv for a random item, they say it's limited, he shouts "LIMITED???" and immediately calls the number to buy it in a panic. That's been me. So I have a ton of vinyl I don't listen to. A lot of it worth a bunch of money, lol. So I'm going to sell off the ones I know I shouldn't have bought in the first place.

And it's partially also cuz I'm just getting to the point where I don't want more stuff.

PJ_Soul · February 5

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

You should keep and play the vinyl!! That's not a waste!

the way I buy it it can be. I go through these phases where I get all jazzed up about a band's "limited" release, then all of a sudden, being the weird completist that I am, need to have their entire collection. For example, I have every Glorious Sons album on vinyl. I'm not even really a fan. But I'm a sucker for "limited edition" items. I don't know if you're a fan of the Simpsons, but every time I buy something I think of that scene where Homer sees an ad on tv for a random item, they say it's limited, he shouts "LIMITED???" and immediately calls the number to buy it in a panic. That's been me. So I have a ton of vinyl I don't listen to. A lot of it worth a bunch of money, lol. So I'm going to sell off the ones I know I shouldn't have bought in the first place.

And it's partially also cuz I'm just getting to the point where I don't want more stuff.

You're making me drool - I want to know what you want to sell!!!

We All Believe · February 5

HughFreakingDillon said:

And it's partially also cuz I'm just getting to the point where I don't want more stuff.

THIS to infinity.

I do not want more stuff.

I've moved twice somewhat recently, and will move again within the next year or so.

The moves were a GREAT reason to finally take stock and get rid of all of the shit.

I'm now at the point where just about all of the no-brainers are gone, and I have to really think about stuff.

So much stuff that is just laying around and occupying space. These days, I'm trying to seriously evaluate whether things have enough functional and/or sentimental value for me to keep them.

HughFreakingDillon · February 5

I decided to get rid of most my collectibles if it's replaceable. If I regret getting rid of it, then I'll buy it again. But I don't think I will.

I had been searching for years for a signed Pearl Jam poster of a gig I attended. A few months ago, someone messaged me with one. Even signed by Boom. At a Winnipeg show.

This was my holy grail.

It took me about 5 seconds to decline it. I was like "everything else I've purchased that I thought I wanted has given me that initial rush, then no joy moving forward". So why spend the money on something that will end up being worthless to me in the end.

Had I been able to obtain those signatures in person (which I once was about 20 feet away their private plane from realizing before getting told to get lost by their security), sure, because that's an experience.

I've decided to sell most of my gig posters as well. Even the signed ones, unless I got it signed in person (or got it via a personal conversation I had online/text with the artist).

I wish I hadn't wasted to much time, energy, and money pursuing these things. I should have used it for vacations and experiences. But I guess that's wisdom for you.

HughFreakingDillon · February 5

PJ_Soul said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

You should keep and play the vinyl!! That's not a waste!

the way I buy it it can be. I go through these phases where I get all jazzed up about a band's "limited" release, then all of a sudden, being the weird completist that I am, need to have their entire collection. For example, I have every Glorious Sons album on vinyl. I'm not even really a fan. But I'm a sucker for "limited edition" items. I don't know if you're a fan of the Simpsons, but every time I buy something I think of that scene where Homer sees an ad on tv for a random item, they say it's limited, he shouts "LIMITED???" and immediately calls the number to buy it in a panic. That's been me. So I have a ton of vinyl I don't listen to. A lot of it worth a bunch of money, lol. So I'm going to sell off the ones I know I shouldn't have bought in the first place.

And it's partially also cuz I'm just getting to the point where I don't want more stuff.

You're making me drool - I want to know what you want to sell!!!

haha, it's not that much to drool over. I can send you a list, but I doubt there's too much that would interest you.

Death/Your Mortality

Comments

Categories