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best drummer jokes

elusive_oneelusive_one Posts: 117
edited January 2004 in Musicians and Gearheads
I've heard some cool drummer jokes, but I've forgotten most of em... I'm sure you guys have some! Please share all the drummer jokes you know :D

There's 2 I remember

What do you call a drummer w/out a girlfriend?















Homeless.

How do you know if the stage is level?

















The drool out of the drummers mouth is coming out both sides.
"...to love some silly piece of music... or some band so much that it hurts"
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • pariahpariah Posts: 596
    Oops nevermind
    "Until you realize the importance of the banana king, you will know absolutely nothing about the human-interest things of the world."
  • pariahpariah Posts: 596
    http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/#musician

    My personal favourites (select for answer):

    Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
    So you don't have to retrain the drummers.

    What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
    Drool.
    "Until you realize the importance of the banana king, you will know absolutely nothing about the human-interest things of the world."
  • who's_pearljam?who's_pearljam? Posts: 2,104
    How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
    He doesn't know when to come in


    What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
    "Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?


    Drummers have told me a lot of guitarist jokes too:

    How do you get a guitar player to turn down his amp?
    Put sheet music in front of him.

    How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    6, one to screw it in, five to stand around and say "I could have done that!"
    Be kind, man
    Don't be mankind. ~Captain Beefheart
    __________________________________
  • SquirrelSquirrel Posts: 337
    Originally posted by who's_pearljam?
    How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
    He doesn't know when to come in


    What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
    "Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?


    Drummers have told me a lot of guitarist jokes too:

    How do you get a guitar player to turn down his amp?
    Put sheet music in front of him.

    How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    6, one to screw it in, five to stand around and say "I could have done that!"

    lmao....great ones!!!
    funny, those that have most truth in em are usually the most funny...:D
  • mccreadyisgodmccreadyisgod Posts: 6,395
    How can you tell it's a drummer at your door?
    The knocking keeps speeding up.

    No, really, how can you tell there's a drummer at the door?
    You ordered a pizza, didn't you?

    How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Eleven; one to screw in the bulb, and ten to comment on how Neil Peart would've done it different.

    No, really, how many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Only one, but the drum tech has to set up the ladder, take out the old bulb, put the new bulb in, and give it a few twists first.

    Now, that's just mean... how many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, they have a machine to do that now.

    To be fair, how many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, the keyboard-player can do that with his left hand.

    What do you call people who hang out with musicians?
    Drummers.

    Guy to bartender: So, when does the band usually play?
    Bartender: A half-beat behind the drummer.

    So this guy gets in a shipwreck out at sea, and washes up alone on this tropical island inhabited by natives. They seem pretty nice, and the island is warm, plenty of food. But there's this constant drumming... it drives him nuts! He asks the natives, "When does the drumming stop?" The natives get a look of fear and say, "Very bad when drumming stops." It gets worse over the first week, and he asks them, "When does the drumming stop?" And the natives get even more scared, replying "Very bad when drumming stops." Finally, after two weeks on the island, he can't sleep or eat or think, and he asks the natives, "What happens when the drumming stops?" The natives look at him, talk amongst themselves, and then the elder native steps forward... he replies, "Bass solo."
    ...and if you don't like it, you can suck on an egg.
  • elusive_oneelusive_one Posts: 117
    What's the difference between a superannuation fund and a musician?


    A superannuation fund will eventually mature and make money!

    (I saw that graffitied on a wall in this small 'backstage' area where my band played last... lol)

    What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter?


    Eventually the puppy stops whining.
    "...to love some silly piece of music... or some band so much that it hurts"
  • mccreadyisgodmccreadyisgod Posts: 6,395
    Little Johnnie says to Mommy: I want to be a drummer when I grow up.
    Mommy to Johnnie: But you can't do both!
    ...and if you don't like it, you can suck on an egg.
  • mccreadyisgodmccreadyisgod Posts: 6,395
    Originally posted by elusive_one
    (I saw that graffitied on a wall in this small 'backstage' area where my band played last... lol)

    Best graffiti I ever saw was in the Men's room at a bar, above the urinal...

    "Why are you looking up here? The joke is in your hands."
    ...and if you don't like it, you can suck on an egg.
  • elusive_oneelusive_one Posts: 117
    Originally posted by mccreadyisgod
    Best graffiti I ever saw was in the Men's room at a bar, above the urinal...

    "Why are you looking up here? The joke is in your hands."

    LMAO! That's great!
    "...to love some silly piece of music... or some band so much that it hurts"
  • SquirrelSquirrel Posts: 337
    Originally posted by mccreadyisgod
    Best graffiti I ever saw was in the Men's room at a bar, above the urinal...

    "Why are you looking up here? The joke is in your hands."

    ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    i gotta remember that one!!!!

    :D:D:D
  • DrummachineDrummachine Posts: 34
    what do you get when mix gorrila with a drummer?






    really dumb gorrila:))))

    btw i heard that this is dave weckl´s favourite joke...
    me: www.myspace.com/mariomarcinek

    my band: www.myspace.com/mofokillerain

    official site: www.stonerock.sk
  • thelouderthebetterthelouderthebetter Posts: 57
    Originally posted by who's_pearljam?



    Drummers have told me a lot of guitarist jokes too:

    How do you get a guitar player to turn down his amp?
    Put sheet music in front of him.

    How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    6, one to screw it in, five to stand around and say "I could have done that!"

    Ok Bob, One for you!
    How does a lead guitarist get a million dollars?

    Give him 3 million:D:D:D
    Smile :)
  • mccreadyisgodmccreadyisgod Posts: 6,395
    What do Ginger Baker and coffee both have in common?
    They both suck without Cream.
    ...and if you don't like it, you can suck on an egg.
  • mccreadyisgodmccreadyisgod Posts: 6,395
    Guess nobody liked the "Bass Solo" joke.
    ...and if you don't like it, you can suck on an egg.
  • thelouderthebetterthelouderthebetter Posts: 57
    Originally posted by mccreadyisgod
    Guess nobody liked the "Bass Solo" joke.

    I liked it. :)
    I'm a bass player.
    Tons of jokes about us, too!
    Smile :)
  • mccreadyisgodmccreadyisgod Posts: 6,395
    Originally posted by thelouderthebetter
    I liked it. :)
    I'm a bass player.
    Tons of jokes about us, too!

    I've only heard two bass-player jokes ever... and I shared them both already.
    ...and if you don't like it, you can suck on an egg.
  • elusive_oneelusive_one Posts: 117
    Originally posted by thelouderthebetter
    I liked it. :)
    I'm a bass player.
    Tons of jokes about us, too!

    I'm a bass player and I wanna hear more bass player jokes.

    Spanky, I thought your bass solo joke was funny!
    "...to love some silly piece of music... or some band so much that it hurts"
  • thelouderthebetterthelouderthebetter Posts: 57
    Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
    It took 3 hours to get the drummer out.


    Why do bands have bass players?
    To translate for the drummer.

    How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Two, one to change it, and the other one to push away the lead guitarist hogging the light!

    All I can remember right now
    Smile :)
  • SquirrelSquirrel Posts: 337
    Originally posted by thelouderthebetter
    Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
    It took 3 hours to get the drummer out.


    Why do bands have bass players?
    To translate for the drummer.

    How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Two, one to change it, and the other one to push away the lead guitarist hogging the light!

    All I can remember right now

    LMAO....that's great!!!!!

    so many lightbulb jokes...so far i only ever knew that one:
    how many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
    1...men always love to screw...

    anyway...:D
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