Sharing a poem that will feature in my forthcoming poetry book this year that I am dedicating to PJ

ErinCascadiaErinCascadia Washington State, USA Posts: 1
In honor of Pearl Jam's new and amazing album Dark Matter and the tour about to launch, I want to share a poem I wrote a few years ago that happens to share the same title. How I love that this is the title of their new album!

It is about leaving my abusive husband and the life I'd known with him, devoted to him and raising our boys, and stepping into an unknown world to find myself again.

by Erin Aurelia

I left that face
I left that embrace
I left the taste of
my smoldering fate
acrid in my mouth

I left days yet
unwritten which would
have been a prison
yet had been given to be
the shape of my fate,
now unmet

I left my home
where I’d raised my babies
where I’d spent endless
moments daily consumed
by their needs, their growth,
their becoming,
and they were the stars I’d
steered my ship by,
and marveled at, who
filled my sky with such brightness,
And I, the dark matter that held them,
ensured they’d have a field
in which to shine

I left comfort
I left security
I left pain
I left misery

and only after leaving could
I see, as my sons had grown
and their light had receded from me
that what I’d initially left behind
in the way-back-when, was the
constellation that was ME

I’d watched silently as my
every star was put out,
swallowed whole
by the black hole of a bully
who’d only allow the glow
of a moon,
a satellite who’d orbit him
and reflect his face,
remember her place to exist as
only he defined me

When he no longer had
my light to eat, he
lost his power

And my eyes were ablaze
with rays that emanated
from me,
once again adorned in starshine,
once again illuminating the dark,

and marveling at how others
now steer their ships by me,
and gather round to warm themselves
at my flame

This poem will feature in a volume of poetry I am publishing this year called Bone & Stars: a constellation of poems of recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse.
I had written prolifically in my youth but my voice shut down during the 20 years I was married to an emotionally abusive narcissist. It seemingly miraculously returned to me a year after I left him, after reconnecting with the music of a band I'd loved in my youth--Pearl Jam. And so this poetry book of mine will be dedicated to Pearl Jam, for bringing my voice back to me and singing me home. How perfect that their album shares a title with one of the key poems I am publishing in this book that I am dedicating to them! I want them to know how deepy their music has affected me and helped me heal and recover myself. PJ, your music is magic!

For this reason I will forever be grateful for and loyal to this amazing band that restores and heals and inspires, and I am looking forward to seeing them NEXT WEEK in Portland!

Thanks for reading.
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