Sharing a poem that will feature in my forthcoming poetry book this year that I am dedicating to PJ

ErinCascadia · May 4

In honor of Pearl Jam's new and amazing album Dark Matter and the tour about to launch, I want to share a poem I wrote a few years ago that happens to share the same title. How I love that this is the title of their new album!

It is about leaving my abusive husband and the life I'd known with him, devoted to him and raising our boys, and stepping into an unknown world to find myself again.

DARK MATTER

by Erin Aurelia

I left that face

I left that embrace

I left the taste of

my smoldering fate

acrid in my mouth

I left days yet

unwritten which would

have been a prison

yet had been given to be

the shape of my fate,

now unmet

I left my home

where I’d raised my babies

where I’d spent endless

moments daily consumed

by their needs, their growth,

their becoming,

and they were the stars I’d

steered my ship by,

and marveled at, who

filled my sky with such brightness,

And I, the dark matter that held them,

ensured they’d have a field

in which to shine

I left comfort

I left security

I left pain

I left misery

and only after leaving could

I see, as my sons had grown

and their light had receded from me

that what I’d initially left behind

in the way-back-when, was the

constellation that was ME

I’d watched silently as my

every star was put out,

swallowed whole

by the black hole of a bully

who’d only allow the glow

of a moon,

a satellite who’d orbit him

and reflect his face,

remember her place to exist as

only he defined me

When he no longer had

my light to eat, he

lost his power

And my eyes were ablaze

with rays that emanated

from me,

once again adorned in starshine,

once again illuminating the dark,

and marveling at how others

now steer their ships by me,

and gather round to warm themselves

at my flame

This poem will feature in a volume of poetry I am publishing this year called Bone & Stars: a constellation of poems of recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse.

I had written prolifically in my youth but my voice shut down during the 20 years I was married to an emotionally abusive narcissist. It seemingly miraculously returned to me a year after I left him, after reconnecting with the music of a band I'd loved in my youth--Pearl Jam. And so this poetry book of mine will be dedicated to Pearl Jam, for bringing my voice back to me and singing me home. How perfect that their album shares a title with one of the key poems I am publishing in this book that I am dedicating to them! I want them to know how deepy their music has affected me and helped me heal and recover myself. PJ, your music is magic!

For this reason I will forever be grateful for and loyal to this amazing band that restores and heals and inspires, and I am looking forward to seeing them NEXT WEEK in Portland!

Thanks for reading.