"How To Have Sex" movie and the importance of consent dialogue

HughFreakingDillon

I am a father to two teen girls. So reading about this movie, it really hits how often I worry about this stuff. I think it's super important to show these movies not just to women, but to GUYS too to show them what consent means, how to have discussions about it in "the heat of things" if someone were to suddenly want to cease activities, etc. 

I've been there. I was with a girl once at a party. we were getting "hot and heavy", and she said suddenly she " didn't want to". I said "ok, whatever you're comfortable with, you wanna go back out to the party, or just hang out here for a while?" and she started sobbing. She said she had never experienced a guy saying that before. It was all pressure pressure pressure pressure and often anger. It made me so sad that was her experience at ANY age, but still, we were mid teens. I was kinda grossed out (not at her, obviously). We dated for a little while after that, went our separate ways, and then I found out a few years later she died under circumstances her family never would divulge. 

anyway, encourage these conversations. I have faith that, I think since this type of talk is so normalized these days, that this generation is open to talking about such things amongst their peer groups. Gen Xers (at least no one I know) just didn't have those conversations. 

https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/02/entertainment/how-to-have-sex-molly-manning-walker-interview/index.html

Spunkie

Aww. What a terrible loss. Good for you to take learnings and teachings from it. Im more at the - teach when the ova is in the fallopian tube - age, but ill come back to this in a year...

tempo_n_groove

One of the only good things to come out of the last season of Sex Education was an episode about consent.

mickeyrat

Spunkie said:

Aww. What a terrible loss. Good for you to take learnings and teachings from it. Im more at the - teach when the ova is in the fallopian tube - age, but ill come back to this in a year...

disclaimer, no children sooo not in a position to make these kinds of decisions.

I also want to say this isnt a judgement on your choice for your choice. if it comes across that way or you feel that, its not my intent and I'll apologize right now at the outset.

this feels to me to be a bit late in the game. there are loads of opportunities to establish consent well before potential sexual activity might be contemplated. 

A friend and his wife were given custodyof his oldr brothers young children. including a 2 yr old girl. whole other story as to why but it did spark a decision by them on her behalf.

in effect, its up to the girl to decide who she hugs, gives kisses to, etc. they arent going to encourage her to engage in ways she doesnt want to...

thay have made clear they dont care a whit about what anyone else who might force that interaction with her feels about it. She rules her body. Person X  doesn't like it, theres the door.....

I would hope you've established something similar already. if not, maybe this broadens the idea around consent in any interaction  for you and others

Spunkie

The Juggler

HughFreakingDillon said:

I am a father to two teen girls. So reading about this movie, it really hits how often I worry about this stuff. I think it's super important to show these movies not just to women, but to GUYS too to show them what consent means, how to have discussions about it in "the heat of things" if someone were to suddenly want to cease activities, etc. 

I've been there. I was with a girl once at a party. we were getting "hot and heavy", and she said suddenly she " didn't want to". I said "ok, whatever you're comfortable with, you wanna go back out to the party, or just hang out here for a while?" and she started sobbing. She said she had never experienced a guy saying that before. It was all pressure pressure pressure pressure and often anger. It made me so sad that was her experience at ANY age, but still, we were mid teens. I was kinda grossed out (not at her, obviously). We dated for a little while after that, went our separate ways, and then I found out a few years later she died under circumstances her family never would divulge. 

anyway, encourage these conversations. I have faith that, I think since this type of talk is so normalized these days, that this generation is open to talking about such things amongst their peer groups. Gen Xers (at least no one I know) just didn't have those conversations. 

https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/02/entertainment/how-to-have-sex-molly-manning-walker-interview/index.html

mickeyrat

Spunkie said:

yes. this exactly.

dmaradona10

Just a suggestion, there will always be predators out there and anyone should have a weapon of some kind on them at all times (except when it's illegal, creating soft target areas), and college age students (especially females) should never accept an open drink at a house party or consume anything where they do not know what is in it.  Also, to be aware of their surroundings, and avoid certain areas or situations that me be dangerous (not blaming the victim, just precautionary measures for everyone). The book When Violence Is The Answer by Tim Larkin is a must read for everyone, but especially for college age students. 

cblock4life

I know I’ve written this before but I’m repeating it anyway….

God forbid if you/your loved one are/is raped go directly to a police station and make them take you to a hospital.  Obviously a traumatic experience but this has to be done immediately.  

In the meantime I think we should all read the book above.