Green Disease - Relatives Demanding Money

JF116983

So I have some relatives that see me as a cash cow and demand/ask for crazy money. Some years back a relative demanding 800 bucks for a non-emergency situation, the demanding part turned me off as the relative threatens to disown me if I did not give the money for something that could have waited. 

I had the money but said no because I don’t believe in extortion for a relative to love me, what would you guys have done/think? 

rummy

Never spoken to them again. 

JF116983

To add more context another relative (same side) asks for me to take out mortgage on home for 100ks so he can buy a house, again did not do it, wasn’t invited to family function shortly after.

bootlegger10

Holy crap.  That sucks.  Don’t loan them or give them anything.  Clearly not people with character.  They will keep asking for money.  It won’t stop and all you will do is find yourself in this same position next year and out thousands of dollars.

bootlegger10

Do you have a similar policy on giving loans to message board strangers?  Asking for a friend.

PP193448

bootlegger10 said:

Do you have a similar policy on giving loans to message board strangers?  Asking for a friend.

Thanks for asking for me,  was just going to ask… I only need, say 20k???

bootlegger10

PP193448 said:

bootlegger10 said:

Do you have a similar policy on giving loans to message board strangers?  Asking for a friend.

Thanks for asking for me,  was just going to ask… I only need, say 20k???

If he says no you should still invite him to your 4th of July cook-out.  

JF - sorry to joke.  Family situations like this can be difficult and there is probably more info that we aren't privy too as well.  You make good decisions and work hard, and people that may not do the same thing resent you for it.   Not your fault.  

PP193448

Yes.  Sorry to joke at your expense (not literally).  I would not loan large amount of money to family.  If you’re talking $500-1000, maybe.  But no way I would lend 100k, unless i hit the lottery for 100 million.  I couldn’t even imagine asking any family for any money at all.
Oh, and I’ll be in CO July 4, so if you are near CO Springs, I’ll bring the bourbon or beer to your cookout…

JF116983

I have a good friend who told me that that relative should just work like others to save and pay for his wants. I saved a down payment for years and barely got that saved to be able to pay the bank rent for 30 years. 

The thing that hurt more was the demanding/extortion for a small amount (not loan) my relative gave me or I would be disowned this relative did follow through and has zero relation ship with my kids since that incident over 10 years ago where I refused the money due to the extortion. 

If anyone needs money I suggest a good bank, they have lots lol!

Zod

yah.. in my family we don't really loan money.. if someone's in a jam, maybe you give them 1000 or less, but that's if it's a genuine jam.  Those things don't happen very often.

I've never had a relative just ask me for money.  We were raised on the concept of holding your own.  It's not really a thing I've had to deal with before.

Merkin Baller

JF116983 said:

I have a good friend who told me that that relative should just work like others to save and pay for his wants. I saved a down payment for years and barely got that saved to be able to pay the bank rent for 30 years. 

The thing that hurt more was the demanding/extortion for a small amount (not loan) my relative gave me or I would be disowned this relative did follow through and has zero relation ship with my kids since that incident over 10 years ago where I refused the money due to the extortion. 

If anyone needs money I suggest a good bank, they have lots lol!

That sucks, and as sad as it is to say about a relative, I can't help but feel like you're better off without that person in your, or your kid's (kids'?) life. 

Poncier

JF116983 said:

To add more context another relative (same side) asks for me to take out mortgage on home for 100ks so he can buy a house, again did not do it, wasn’t invited to family function shortly after.

Who the hell does something like this?
That's crazy..."hey, take out a mortgage for me". Basically "buy me a house".

Poncier

JF116983 said:

The thing that hurt more was the demanding/extortion for a small amount (not loan) my relative gave me or I would be disowned this relative did follow through and has zero relation ship with my kids since that incident over 10 years ago where I refused the money due to the extortion. 

As for this relative, don't know how close the relationship once was, but if somebody is going to disown you and your kids over not being given $800.00, you are frankly better off without that person in your life. If you had given them $800, that would have only been the beginning.

apirk72

I never had to deal with money and relatives, but I have plenty of experience with toxic relatives.  It sounds like they want to punish you when you've done nothing wrong and as hard as it is maybe your better off severing that relationship, sounds like they did it for you.  We have family on my wife's side that has barely seen one of our kids, it is sad but it is healthier for everyone not seeing the pain that came before we just took that person out of our lives.

JF116983

It was principle of love for money, it got me thinking that it’s likely PJ band members have had these issues since they became so successful relatives came looking for handouts - I am sure they would give to those ones if they were treated with love dignity and respect not as a cash cow.

I learned hard lessons that are hurtful but just wanted some condenses given I am sure one day they will come around the bend and when they do I will point out to them anyone I mentioned this to would not give them either the 800 bucks or the loan for 100ks on a second mortgage for them. Thanks for your comments they are helping me more than u will ever know

JF116983

apirk72 said:

I never had to deal with money and relatives, but I have plenty of experience with toxic relatives.  It sounds like they want to punish you when you've done nothing wrong and as hard as it is maybe your better off severing that relationship, sounds like they did it for you.  We have family on my wife's side that has barely seen one of our kids, it is sad but it is healthier for everyone not seeing the pain that came before we just took that person out of our lives.

That kids part really hurts the most doesn’t it? I feel same way you do with my toxic ones, even if we are hated for whatever reason they have in their minds, what fault do kids have. One thing I have done is been honest to my kids of the issues that they themselves see and never lie to them, the kids understood these relatives have bad hearts but I explained to them they are loved by us and others. I don’t think some of these relatives have ever bought kids a gift/toy.

Cropduster-80

JF116983 said:

To add more context another relative (same side) asks for me to take out mortgage on home for 100ks so he can buy a house, again did not do it, wasn’t invited to family function shortly after.

Well I would do that sort of.  I’d buy the house and rent it to them.  Rent covers the mortgage and the appreciation is all yours.  

Ultimately if I can make it work in my favour, I’m all in. 

If you are taking out the mortgage, it’s your house. Not even sure they would qualify for a mortgage on their own if that much money came from someone else like you gifting it/loaning it or whatever, as the bank would know 

JF116983

Cropduster-80 said:

JF116983 said:

To add more context another relative (same side) asks for me to take out mortgage on home for 100ks so he can buy a house, again did not do it, wasn’t invited to family function shortly after.

Well I would do that sort of.  I’d buy the house and rent it to them.  Rent covers the mortgage and the appreciation is all yours.  

Ultimately if I can make it work in my favour, I’m all in. 

If you are taking out the mortgage, it’s your house. Not even sure they would qualify for a mortgage on their own if that much money came from someone else like you gifting it/loaning it or whatever, as the bank would know 

So what if this relative stops paying rent and then you lose house? It seems unloving to me to even ask that it’s not like I am a billionaire with multiple houses, this is my kids house with a 30 year note on it. I never asked anyone for help with my down payment I worked for it and saved it was too much to ask and not fair to those relatives and I had in-laws that could have taken loan out for me but I never asked given so many things could happen where I may default and then my in-laws home would be in jeopardy.

Cropduster-80

JF116983 said:

Cropduster-80 said:

JF116983 said:

To add more context another relative (same side) asks for me to take out mortgage on home for 100ks so he can buy a house, again did not do it, wasn’t invited to family function shortly after.

Well I would do that sort of.  I’d buy the house and rent it to them.  Rent covers the mortgage and the appreciation is all yours.  

Ultimately if I can make it work in my favour, I’m all in. 

If you are taking out the mortgage, it’s your house. Not even sure they would qualify for a mortgage on their own if that much money came from someone else like you gifting it/loaning it or whatever, as the bank would know 

So what if this relative stops paying rent and then you lose house? It seems unloving to me to even ask that it’s not like I am a billionaire with multiple houses, this is my kids house with a 30 year note on it. I never asked anyone for help with my down payment I worked for it and saved it was too much to ask and not fair to those relatives and I had in-laws that could have taken loan out for me but I never asked given so many things could happen where I may default and then my in-laws home would be in jeopardy.

I guess you would still have a rental property.

TBH if you can get a second mortgage and you can rent it to make it as close to cost neutral as possible, It’s not a bad place to put money anyway.  Now that interest rates are high, maybe less so 

Usually  coming up with that second down payment is the hard part, after that you’ve got a fairly dependable ROI 

but if they are deadbeats that probably changes the risk for you.  

HughFreakingDillon

any relative that demands that is no relative I'd want to be around. I've been in financial binds in the past; never ONCE did I ever consider even asking, never mind demanding, money from a relative. 

Merkin Baller

Cropduster-80 said:

JF116983 said:

Cropduster-80 said:

JF116983 said:

To add more context another relative (same side) asks for me to take out mortgage on home for 100ks so he can buy a house, again did not do it, wasn’t invited to family function shortly after.

Well I would do that sort of.  I’d buy the house and rent it to them.  Rent covers the mortgage and the appreciation is all yours.  

Ultimately if I can make it work in my favour, I’m all in. 

If you are taking out the mortgage, it’s your house. Not even sure they would qualify for a mortgage on their own if that much money came from someone else like you gifting it/loaning it or whatever, as the bank would know 

So what if this relative stops paying rent and then you lose house? It seems unloving to me to even ask that it’s not like I am a billionaire with multiple houses, this is my kids house with a 30 year note on it. I never asked anyone for help with my down payment I worked for it and saved it was too much to ask and not fair to those relatives and I had in-laws that could have taken loan out for me but I never asked given so many things could happen where I may default and then my in-laws home would be in jeopardy.

I guess you would still have a rental property.

TBH if you can get a second mortgage and you can rent it to make it as close to cost neutral as possible, It’s not a bad place to put money anyway.  Now that interest rates are high, maybe less so 

Usually  coming up with that second down payment is the hard part, after that you’ve got a fairly dependable ROI 

I hear what you're saying, and you're not wrong, but on the other hand, evicting a relative & putting them out on the street with nowhere to live would be a way worse look than not buying the house in the first place IMO. 

JF116983

Yeah I don’t think it’s loving to expect your relative to buy and rent out to you risking his kid’s/family home regardless of potential rent propositions - during Covid many landlords could not collect rent and/or evict so being a landlord is not something to take lightly - if you have a fully paid house it may change the risk equation for you but not with a 30year on the line. It’s unloving to even request it and then factor the not inviting relatives to functions when you are turned down and it shows they can not be trusted.

mace1229

Merkin Baller said:

Cropduster-80 said:

JF116983 said:

Cropduster-80 said:

JF116983 said:

To add more context another relative (same side) asks for me to take out mortgage on home for 100ks so he can buy a house, again did not do it, wasn’t invited to family function shortly after.

Well I would do that sort of.  I’d buy the house and rent it to them.  Rent covers the mortgage and the appreciation is all yours.  

Ultimately if I can make it work in my favour, I’m all in. 

If you are taking out the mortgage, it’s your house. Not even sure they would qualify for a mortgage on their own if that much money came from someone else like you gifting it/loaning it or whatever, as the bank would know 

So what if this relative stops paying rent and then you lose house? It seems unloving to me to even ask that it’s not like I am a billionaire with multiple houses, this is my kids house with a 30 year note on it. I never asked anyone for help with my down payment I worked for it and saved it was too much to ask and not fair to those relatives and I had in-laws that could have taken loan out for me but I never asked given so many things could happen where I may default and then my in-laws home would be in jeopardy.

I guess you would still have a rental property.

TBH if you can get a second mortgage and you can rent it to make it as close to cost neutral as possible, It’s not a bad place to put money anyway.  Now that interest rates are high, maybe less so 

Usually  coming up with that second down payment is the hard part, after that you’ve got a fairly dependable ROI 

I hear what you're saying, and you're not wrong, but on the other hand, evicting a relative & putting them out on the street with nowhere to live would be a way worse look than not buying the house in the first place IMO. 

Worse look for them for putting you in that situation.. No logical person would fault you for it if they stopped paying rent. You have to pay the mortgage, they can’t expect free rent if that were the situation.

Merkin Baller

mace1229 said:

Merkin Baller said:

Cropduster-80 said:

JF116983 said:

Cropduster-80 said:

JF116983 said:

To add more context another relative (same side) asks for me to take out mortgage on home for 100ks so he can buy a house, again did not do it, wasn’t invited to family function shortly after.

Well I would do that sort of.  I’d buy the house and rent it to them.  Rent covers the mortgage and the appreciation is all yours.  

Ultimately if I can make it work in my favour, I’m all in. 

If you are taking out the mortgage, it’s your house. Not even sure they would qualify for a mortgage on their own if that much money came from someone else like you gifting it/loaning it or whatever, as the bank would know 

So what if this relative stops paying rent and then you lose house? It seems unloving to me to even ask that it’s not like I am a billionaire with multiple houses, this is my kids house with a 30 year note on it. I never asked anyone for help with my down payment I worked for it and saved it was too much to ask and not fair to those relatives and I had in-laws that could have taken loan out for me but I never asked given so many things could happen where I may default and then my in-laws home would be in jeopardy.

I guess you would still have a rental property.

TBH if you can get a second mortgage and you can rent it to make it as close to cost neutral as possible, It’s not a bad place to put money anyway.  Now that interest rates are high, maybe less so 

Usually  coming up with that second down payment is the hard part, after that you’ve got a fairly dependable ROI 

I hear what you're saying, and you're not wrong, but on the other hand, evicting a relative & putting them out on the street with nowhere to live would be a way worse look than not buying the house in the first place IMO. 

Worse look for them for putting you in that situation.. No logical person would fault you for it if they stopped paying rent. You have to pay the mortgage, they can’t expect free rent if that were the situation.

No logical person would fault you for not buying someone a house to live in under the threat of extortion either. 

At least in that scenario you're not partly responsible for putting a relative out onto the street. 

tempo_n_groove

I'm here for the money...

Serious tip, you don't give people money.  If you have the means to help someone, of course you do that but to demand it?

Damn.

JF116983

Like I said the demand or I will disown you part is sole reason I did not give money. I would have given the money no questions asked if it was an emergency and asked for in a different way. I remember to this day that relative had rehearsed what was said and put threat of disowning if I didn’t give it, I told that relative no 

tempo_n_groove

JF116983 said:

Like I said the demand or I will disown you part is sole reason I did not give money. I would have given the money no questions asked if it was an emergency and asked for in a different way. I remember to this day that relative had rehearsed what was said and put threat of disowning if I didn’t give it, I told that relative no 

Beware any relative offering to go to a TV show...  You might be set up for Springer or something!

mca47

If a legit health scare came up or something really bad happened that was out of their control....sure.
That's about it.

I'm just waiting for the day when my girl's mom (who is completely irresponsible with money and decisions in life) asks me for money.  I literally cannot wait!   It's going to be so much fun!

JF116983

I wonder what the guys in PJ go through, they must have these type of relatives demand money from them all the time. I bet their numbers are closely guarded from such ones.

Loujoe

If I was related to pj members I'd let it be known I'm a pick, setlist, drum stick, vinyl, poster junkie. And wait...

PJ_Soul

JF116983 said:

So I have some relatives that see me as a cash cow and demand/ask for crazy money. Some years back a relative demanding 800 bucks for a non-emergency situation, the demanding part turned me off as the relative threatens to disown me if I did not give the money for something that could have waited. 

I had the money but said no because I don’t believe in extortion for a relative to love me, what would you guys have done/think? 

I'd write that person out of my life, without a doubt.