Dealing with Friends who Have Differing Political Beliefs

JOEJOEJOE

I have known my oldest friend since nursery school.  We are now in our mid-50s, so we have over 50 years of friendship.  We often talk about the old days, which is cool, but when the topic turns to politics, it is not a good scene.  I understand that we are all entitled to our opinions/beliefs, but this goes way beyond that.

Over the past few years, his political beliefs have swung to pretty much the opposite of mine (I am not going to say who believes in what).  I will say that he took on his beliefs after becoming a regular view of a certain 3-letter news network (hmmm....both Fox and CNN are 3-letter names!)

For some reason, he turns almost everything into a political discussion, and takes an extreme view when stating his opinion.

This week, he texted me a video, and added his 2 cents about said video, which dealt with what could be viewed as reverse racism.

To complicate matters, we have a common friend from college who seems to always side with him in order to get in his good graces.

It has come to the point where I feel the need to distance myself from the two of them when they start with their political rants.

Has anyone been in such a situation before?

darwinstheory

Probably most of us have been in that boat. And most likely it began in mid 2016. I let those people know I do not care to hear their political beliefs; if they feel they need to share them in the condescending snarky manner in which so many choose to share them.

Others close to me have chosen to expose their true self to me in the recent years. Saying  and believing things I never would have imagined them saying. I decided long ago that it is fine for them to feel the way they feel. It is also fine for me to recuse myself from communicating with them. People grow apart. It is okay.

brianlux

JOEJOEJOE said:

I have known my oldest friend since nursery school.  We are now in our mid-50s, so we have over 50 years of friendship.  We often talk about the old days, which is cool, but when the topic turns to politics, it is not a good scene.  I understand that we are all entitled to our opinions/beliefs, but this goes way beyond that.

Over the past few years, his political beliefs have swung to pretty much the opposite of mine (I am not going to say who believes in what).  I will say that he took on his beliefs after becoming a regular view of a certain 3-letter news network (hmmm....both Fox and CNN are 3-letter names!)

For some reason, he turns almost everything into a political discussion, and takes an extreme view when stating his opinion.

This week, he texted me a video, and added his 2 cents about said video, which dealt with what could be viewed as reverse racism.

To complicate matters, we have a common friend from college who seems to always side with him in order to get in his good graces.

It has come to the point where I feel the need to distance myself from the two of them when they start with their political rants.

Has anyone been in such a situation before?

About 12 years or so ago, I visited a cousin back east whom I hadn't seen since we were kids.  When we were kids and my pop worked for a major airline, we got to go back east to visit this cousin and his family a few times and we had a great time.  And then, all those many years later when I went to see him, I quickly found that as an adult, he had become radically politically different from me and very strongly inclined to press political topics.  My approach was to stay neutral and mostly quiet.  He would rant about this and that and I would answer briefly, "Yeah, that's a tough one," or, "I don't know what I would do in the instance", or simply, "Ah huh."  I figured, what's the point in arguing?  It was obvious he wasn't going to change his mind by anything I said.
When I worked in a college Human Services counseling training program, one of the things my prof/boss used to tell our student was, "If you don't want to grow closer to someone, don't challenge them."  Challenging a person's beliefs brings you closer.  Maybe not in a friendly way, but closer nevertheless. 
So I chose not to challenge my cousin. We have not grown closer since that time, nor have we grown further apart.  We send each other seasons greetings each year (I just did that today, in fact) and keep it friendly.  It is so much easier that way.

Loujoe

Good stuff^^I avoid that chatter too. Everyone has reasons for believing what they do and i know that it all wont matter someday. But sorry for your loss of friendship OP. Maybe you will reconnect at another time when it's meant to be. That history won't go anywhere.  Take care

Gern Blansten

Ditch them. I refuse to associate with people that are not smart enough to filter out nonsense.

I don't care if you are a Dem or GOP if you spout bullshit and refuse to believe that you might be wrong then I have no space for you in my life.

Wobbie

Gern Blansten said:

Ditch them. I refuse to associate with people that are not smart enough to filter out nonsense.

I don't care if you are a Dem or GOP if you spout bullshit and refuse to believe that you might be wrong then I have no space for you in my life.

 Gotta agree with this. I just ditched a good buddy of 45 years…blocked his phone #, etc….the last straw was when he said “trump was the bravest president we’ve ever had.” BTW, he and his facebook friends think they’re going to Afghanistan to take out the taliban.

hedonist

I tend to put space between myself and others more by their character than their politics…though at times, the two converge.

Wobbie

Loujoe said:

Good stuff^^I avoid that chatter too. Everyone has reasons for believing what they do and i know that it all wont matter someday. But sorry for your loss of friendship OP. Maybe you will reconnect at another time when it's meant to be. That history won't go anywhere.  Take care

but it will matter. it does matter.

tell the Qanon'ers and the marjorie taylor greens to go fuck themselves!

mickeyrat

 

when I pushed back against a niece surrounding overseas military voting(they have longer timeframes to submit, both before and after election to have ballots received, in some cases allowed to fax...)

she seemed to think alot of soldiers and airmen wouldnt have their votes counted.

I told her to point that to the CiC and his postmaster general for any mail delays.

she responded by how disgusted she was with me that I voted blue. She assumed that without asking.  It was true, but I vote my conscience not party. Am independent for fucks sake.  her father(my brother) told me he secretly hoped biden would win. 2016 his family voted for fuckstick.  figure most did for 20 but didnt ask.

So my response to my niece was what a fucking shame to lose a family member over that piece of shit, but here we are. Havent spoken to her since.

dankind

This one's easy. I don't have any friends.

mfc2006

I usually try to hear them out & find some common ground. There is no common ground to be found the majority of the time, unfortunately.

One very good friend comes to mind...I tried, but he crossed a line with some of the things he said. There was no common ground at all and he still hasn't apologized or even realized that what he said was way out of line. We have a lot of mutual friends, but I haven't spoken to him in almost 2 years. It's sad and frustrating, but no one can or will change his opinions. I still care about him and wish him the best, but I doubt we'll ever talk again.

JOEJOEJOE

Thanks for all on the insightful responses!

markymark550

Don't have that problem with friends. We hardly ever talk politics, but on the odd day that we do, there's no arguing or being uncomfortable in the discussion. We all tend to be similar in our ideologies.

Now, my in-laws are another story. I'd consider myself an independent, probably skewing to the left especially on social issues. In-laws are very conservative and would categorize my MIL as a Trumper. I tried to have civil debates with them on some issues, but found out quickly to let it go. I was willing to listen to their side and consider their argument, but they had no intention on doing the same for me. And to top it all they would get angry about it. Now, any time they want to talk politics I try to change the subject. If that fails, I just let them speak their peace and not engage. It's just not worth the effort.

cp3iverson

Unless they’re extremists from either side I usually don’t give a crap what they believe.  Doesn’t bother me unless you’re totally off the deep end one way or the other.  

I don’t really talk politics with friends or people in general.  What fun is that?   Let’s talk about music or cars or 10,000 other things besides politics.  

Wobbie

markymark550 said:

Don't have that problem with friends. We hardly ever talk politics, but on the odd day that we do, there's no arguing or being uncomfortable in the discussion. We all tend to be similar in our ideologies.

Now, my in-laws are another story. I'd consider myself an independent, probably skewing to the left especially on social issues. In-laws are very conservative and would categorize my MIL as a Trumper. I tried to have civil debates with them on some issues, but found out quickly to let it go. I was willing to listen to their side and consider their argument, but they had no intention on doing the same for me. And to top it all they would get angry about it. Now, any time they want to talk politics I try to change the subject. If that fails, I just let them speak their peace and not engage. It's just not worth the effort.

“very conservative” is code for racist nationalists.

HughFreakingDillon

depends on the person, really, but I don't find I'm as nostalgic about old friendships like I once was. I don't make the same effort I used to, if only to protect the "number" (years I'd been friends with this person). If someone is intolerable on a number of occasions and it seems like this is what it will be like every time I talk to them, then *PUNT*. gone.  

over the last 5 or so years I've kicked a few long term friends to the curb. not in an active or dramatic way, just kind of let it die organically. 

I find as I get older I have less patience for bullshit from other humans. Not crotchety, just don't have the time for it. it's not worth it. 

mfc2006

HughFreakingDillon said:

I find as I get older I have less patience for bullshit from other humans. Not crotchety, just don't have the time for it. it's not worth it. 

Same here. Life is too damn short to be surrounded by negativity or put up with bullshit.

bootlegger10

cp3iverson said:

Unless they’re extremists from either side I usually don’t give a crap what they believe.  Doesn’t bother me unless you’re totally off the deep end one way or the other.  

I don’t really talk politics with friends or people in general.  What fun is that?   Let’s talk about music or cars or 10,000 other things besides politics.  

This response I agree with.  Like with internet trolls, don't feed them.  If you ignore the political texts or respond with short one word texts they'll probably stop talking politics after a while (with you at least).  I think some of the things the left is doing is crazy and harming our country and think the same about some of the things the right is doing.   I can understand voting Republican even though someone disagrees with the far right because they feel strongly that the left is doing things that are harmful too (and vice versa).  So unless the person is on the extreme of both ends, I'd just try to ignore the politic discussions or change the subject.  

Wobbie

bootlegger10 said:

cp3iverson said:

Unless they’re extremists from either side I usually don’t give a crap what they believe.  Doesn’t bother me unless you’re totally off the deep end one way or the other.  

I don’t really talk politics with friends or people in general.  What fun is that?   Let’s talk about music or cars or 10,000 other things besides politics.  

This response I agree with.  Like with internet trolls, don't feed them.  If you ignore the political texts or respond with short one word texts they'll probably stop talking politics after a while (with you at least).  I think some of the things the left is doing is crazy and harming our country and think the same about some of the things the right is doing.   I can understand voting Republican even though someone disagrees with the far right because they feel strongly that the left is doing things that are harmful too (and vice versa).  So unless the person is on the extreme of both ends, I'd just try to ignore the politic discussions or change the subject.  

the left does all kinds of “harmful” things…like trying to protect voting rights and the environment.

Halifax2TheMax

Wobbie said:

bootlegger10 said:

cp3iverson said:

Unless they’re extremists from either side I usually don’t give a crap what they believe.  Doesn’t bother me unless you’re totally off the deep end one way or the other.  

I don’t really talk politics with friends or people in general.  What fun is that?   Let’s talk about music or cars or 10,000 other things besides politics.  

This response I agree with.  Like with internet trolls, don't feed them.  If you ignore the political texts or respond with short one word texts they'll probably stop talking politics after a while (with you at least).  I think some of the things the left is doing is crazy and harming our country and think the same about some of the things the right is doing.   I can understand voting Republican even though someone disagrees with the far right because they feel strongly that the left is doing things that are harmful too (and vice versa).  So unless the person is on the extreme of both ends, I'd just try to ignore the politic discussions or change the subject.  

the left does all kinds of “harmful” things…like trying to protect voting rights and the environment.

I was wondering what harmful things the left has done or is trying to do as well. CRT and the 1619 Project come to mind. 

Wobbie

Halifax2TheMax said:

Wobbie said:

bootlegger10 said:

cp3iverson said:

Unless they’re extremists from either side I usually don’t give a crap what they believe.  Doesn’t bother me unless you’re totally off the deep end one way or the other.  

I don’t really talk politics with friends or people in general.  What fun is that?   Let’s talk about music or cars or 10,000 other things besides politics.  

This response I agree with.  Like with internet trolls, don't feed them.  If you ignore the political texts or respond with short one word texts they'll probably stop talking politics after a while (with you at least).  I think some of the things the left is doing is crazy and harming our country and think the same about some of the things the right is doing.   I can understand voting Republican even though someone disagrees with the far right because they feel strongly that the left is doing things that are harmful too (and vice versa).  So unless the person is on the extreme of both ends, I'd just try to ignore the politic discussions or change the subject.  

the left does all kinds of “harmful” things…like trying to protect voting rights and the environment.

I was wondering what harmful things the left has done or is trying to do as well. CRT and the 1619 Project come to mind. 

they also do that harmful thing of relying on science to try to end this fucking pandemic.