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Daughter

whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
edited October 2007 in Words and Music...Communication
This song has been being played on my CD player constantly the last three weeks.. when the song first came out I literally attempted to digest the words.. how so had this person whom had never met me or my fucked up ass mother ( at the time), know exactly what I wanted to say to her? How the fuck do these thigns happen?? Well now it's...what..almost 14 years since that song aseiged my thought process and thus gave me an outlet towards the one who'd wronged me enough in my life to completely mold what I would become and later have to change.
So here we are 14 years after I played the song for her for three days while she lay in a Diabetic coma, and silently seethed and hissed every lyric at her. I almost prayed then and there that she'd die. But she didn't . 3Years from that year, due to her druggard lifestyle she once again almost killed herself and my sister and I were forced to take her in and care for her.. Thanx to that woman I have missed 12 years of PJ live..which sucks But I made a commitment and I don't take that sort of thing lightly.
Well three weeks ago we ( our family) were told that she only has 6-8 months left to live. I was listening to Daughter tonight and was wondering.. ok we've had these last 10 years to figure out who the hell this bitch was??? And TRUST me after all SHE'D been throughn in life it took us these whole last ten years to get to know onew another, and after the last six years the animosity anger hate and fear has disolved between my siter mother and i. So why was I still stuck on Duahgter. Well tonight it clicked. I have finally ALLOWED her to claim me as her dughter for the first time in my whole life. The Picture kept.. will now remind me of how lucky I am to have resolved my horrid horrid past ( And believe you me folks when I say this woman deserved all that came to her in life, because she chose those thigns over stablilty and an enriching life with her children in her younger years, every ounce of hate or distain she'd earned.), and moved on into the now with her and finally have the answers we always needed growing up. Many of them we'd already learned from a harsh life on and off the streets and in between phases of responsibility. Anyhow that just really hit home tonight.. The picture kept.. what a powerful reminder that life is too short to be selfish or petty. Thanks to all for listnening.
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Comments

  • MarylandTeacherMarylandTeacher Posts: 233
    ....you've bottled this poison for years.....reading this actually hurt. I can only imagine the pain you've been through.

    ...I'm sorry for what you have lived through.

    ...my prayers are with you.

    matthew

    whispering hands wrote:
    This song has been being played on my CD player constantly the last three weeks.. when the song first came out I literally attempted to digest the words.. how so had this person whom had never met me or my fucked up ass mother ( at the time), know exactly what I wanted to say to her? How the fuck do these thigns happen?? Well now it's...what..almost 14 years since that song aseiged my thought process and thus gave me an outlet towards the one who'd wronged me enough in my life to completely mold what I would become and later have to change.
    So here we are 14 years after I played the song for her for three days while she lay in a Diabetic coma, and silently seethed and hissed every lyric at her. I almost prayed then and there that she'd die. But she didn't . 3Years from that year, due to her druggard lifestyle she once again almost killed herself and my sister and I were forced to take her in and care for her.. Thanx to that woman I have missed 12 years of PJ live..which sucks But I made a commitment and I don't take that sort of thing lightly.
    Well three weeks ago we ( our family) were told that she only has 6-8 months left to live. I was listening to Daughter tonight and was wondering.. ok we've had these last 10 years to figure out who the hell this bitch was??? And TRUST me after all SHE'D been throughn in life it took us these whole last ten years to get to know onew another, and after the last six years the animosity anger hate and fear has disolved between my siter mother and i. So why was I still stuck on Duahgter. Well tonight it clicked. I have finally ALLOWED her to claim me as her dughter for the first time in my whole life. The Picture kept.. will now remind me of how lucky I am to have resolved my horrid horrid past ( And believe you me folks when I say this woman deserved all that came to her in life, because she chose those thigns over stablilty and an enriching life with her children in her younger years, every ounce of hate or distain she'd earned.), and moved on into the now with her and finally have the answers we always needed growing up. Many of them we'd already learned from a harsh life on and off the streets and in between phases of responsibility. Anyhow that just really hit home tonight.. The picture kept.. what a powerful reminder that life is too short to be selfish or petty. Thanks to all for listnening.
    Dalai Lama—To say that humility is an essential ingredient in our pursuit of spiritual transformation may seem to be at odds with what I have said about the need for confidence. But there is clearly a distinction to be made between valid confidence or self-esteem, and conceit - which we can describe as an inflated sense of importance, grounded in a false image of self.
  • whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
    Thanks so much Matt. I honestly didn't expect anyone to respond to this thread, since it is such a personal post.. I just had to get that revelation out in the open for myself more than anything. And yes this hurts treemndously, I feel as if after finally gaining the mother I'd never had for 26 years, anad now I'm losing her. I feel that most often life is unfair in many aspects, but the old adage rings true, whaatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Thanks for you prayers andn well wishes, they are much needed and greatly appreciated in this tragic moment in my life .
  • whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
    By the way, I just wanted to say to all that this is why I love Pearl Jam's fans so much.. Like I postedabove I seriously did not expect anyone to reply, I just needed to get that shit out of my head to make room for more static. (lol) So thanks to all of you for being such awesome and neat people.. I ahve always loved this band and their fans for this reason.
  • hguz73hguz73 Posts: 245
    I've been through some stuff that i recognize i haven't taken to closure yet, wounds heal with time and meditation, the only advise i can give you is that holding a grudge will hurt you more..enjoy life..it's just one
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