Better Man lyrics

lucylespian

I was watching Pearl JAm on storytellers on VH1 last night, and Ed was talking baout "Alive" and how the song has changed for him over the years and how the joy and celebration that teh audience puts into it has "lifted the curse" of the events that he is relating.
When I listen to "Betterman", the lyrics seem to be describing a domestic violence situation, where she pretends to be asleep, then dreams of killing him. "Can't find a better man", sounds like a toxic co-dependent relationship, where the orator is classically disempowered. But when it is played livem everyone again is celebrating, as though he is a betterman, in a sense of being truly good, and teh flood of positive emotion is at odds with my hearing of the lyrics. It has turned into a truly beautiful song, an amazing highlight of every concert.
I wonder what other people think, and if anyone has read any comments from Ed on this ??

Anotherman...

I had never considered the song to be so violent. It makes sense. I easily can see how it might be a physically abusive relationship. I had just never considered "dreams in red" to represent murderous thoughts.

You are right. People seem to become very happy when the song is played. I think the upbeat music can overcome the lyrics. And perhaps some people see the song as happy. The narrator realizes that she is not happy. And admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, so it could be tought of that way.

Cazpj

I think that however people react at live concerts the subject matter remains tragic... But I think the celebratory way we sing along with the song is more about the crowd sharing a feeling with the band, and that's why people love to sing it.

Because the song obviously means a lot to Ed (they play it at like every show) it's a way for the crowd to connect with the band over something everyone agrees on... (the tragedy of abuse).

But that's my thoughts at this second, and it might not make sense because I'm listening to the Beach Boys right now which is somewhat inhibiting my ability to think clearly about physical abuse... :0)

m0jorisen

The song tells of a woman who stays with her husband beacuse she "can't find a better man".

She leads a gloomy and lonely life and cannot share her dark secret with anyone.

Dreaming of better days of the past-

"memories back when she was bold and strong
and waiting for the world to come along..."

And hoping for better days to come:

"she dreams in color, she dreams in red"

Afraid to leave her husbands who needs her, even if he causes her much pain:

"she loved him, yeah... she don't want to leave this way
she feeds him, yeah... that's why she'll be back again

Brado009

I remember going to a show with my friend as his girlfriend and when the song came on she started hugging him. Drives me crazy. Just goes to show you how influential the chorus of a song can really be.

PHAN1217

I can't stand betterman for that same reason. It's like people aren't even listening to the lyrics. It's such a horrible thought to have a relationship like that. I can't ever understand why people cheer for the song? I guess people just view it differently. i personally skip betterman when i get the chance.

The Waiting Trophy Man

i think you guys have it wrong. i don't think everyone misunderstands the lyrics and think it's a love song. people hug each other and dance to it because it's incredibly catchy, it rocks and you can't help but sing along to it. that's the genius of it. i know i don't get sad when i hear it. it used to be dark, but it has evolved into a happy song.

sebaarg88

aBoxOfFear wrote:

i think you guys have it wrong. i don't think everyone misunderstands the lyrics and think it's a love song. people hug each other and dance to it because it's incredibly catchy, it rocks and you can't help but sing along to it. that's the genius of it. i know i don't get sad when i hear it. it used to be dark, but it has evolved into a happy song.

Totally agreed. If we only take the lyrics, we should cry in every single song

csav

the song is written about Ed's mother and stepfather. The original version was played fast all the way threw (like the second half of the song). In one of the early live recordings he says "this is dedicated to the bastard that married my momma"

Klein

It's not so much that it annoys me, I just think that people haven't taken the time to sit down and read the lyrics properly. It's a very sad song, lyric wise, although the chorus can be very misleading, and we all know that its the chorus that sticks in peoples heads the most.
And anyone who only listens to the radio and got hooked on that song got used to singing the song in the car with the windows down on a sunny day...

Jamal

I like the first few lines best tho ...
You should hear the Antwerp bootleg ... betterman sounds so fucking cool, even when sung by the entire SportsPalace

think it's quite sad tho, the upbeat music represents anger instead of happiness for me ...

whipping dead man

as it i am sure has been written millions of times, the beauty of pearl jam's lyrics is you have the choice to interpret and visualise the song in your own context...many songs say from 10, mean different things to when i first heard them...the one's that don't point to the scars that whilst may be healed can never be removed...
"Keep on Rocking in the free world"

deathbyawesome

m0jorisen wrote:

The song tells of a woman who stays with her husband beacuse she "can't find a better man".

She leads a gloomy and lonely life and cannot share her dark secret with anyone.

eddie wrote it about his mom and stepdad, not just any woman and man but yeah, your right

citizen_db_bick

csav wrote:

the song is written about Ed's mother and stepfather. The original version was played fast all the way threw (like the second half of the song). In one of the early live recordings he says "this is dedicated to the bastard that married my momma"

Man, if the theme is about physical or a psychological abuse in a wasted love relationship I can’t believe he dedicated it to the abuser. But focusing on her part to whom I think the song is really dedicated (I’m not referring to his mother but to all women who are living a shitty relationship), I think that’s what art (music in this case) is about: - HEALING - like “ Whipping dead man” wrote before .
She is in conflict with her present situation, she feels imprisoned in her past, all she was all she has to give seems to have expired, only the dream remains ( and Lucy red doesn’t have to mean blood, maybe it’s just about feeling intensely about something) , she can’t brake free.
But the story hasn’t reached the end, she keeps dreaming, art is suppose to confront reality with it’s contradictions and try to find a way to recreate a new reality, maybe one day she will dream in green.

little_wish

A lot of the friends I talk to about this song believe it to be about an abusive relationship. But I have never felt that way.
I can understand why they read that from the song, but I tend to have a more positive outlook on the song.

To me, she is in a relationship which has no passion, but he gives her what she needs to be stable. She can't find a better man.

That's why I sing so loud and damn proud when that song is played, celebrating her relationship.