The Touch of Death with a Life Wasted

Obsidian22

This thread is about suicide. I am beside myself with grief. I am a 33 year old young woman and a sister to 2 brothers.
On tuesday July 11, 2006 in the early evening my brother Randy 39 years old
father of 2 young girls committed suicide. He went to his shed at the backyard and hung himself.
I was reluctant to write on this board but I have been listening to my favorite band with new ears and wisdom.
The new album has given me a sense of closeness. I can only imagine now
how the whole band feels about this album and it's cathartic effect for each
member .
To those who have lost a loved one and dealt with death so close to their hearts, I feel for you.
I now hear the words and feel the music in a way that can only be described
as raw and heartfelt.
World Wide Suicide and Life Wasted are painful and releasing for me.
Inside Job , thank you Mike and Eddie for writing this truly beautiful masterpiece. I only wish my brother could have heard the new album.
His inner turmoil, his pain was too much for him to bear and he was not willing to take the help that was given to him.
"Darkness comes in waves... tell me, why invite it to stay
You're warm with negativity,
Yes comfort is an energy...
But why let the sad song play?"

I cannot write much more as my tears cloud my vision.
Thank you Eddie and Mike for writing Come Back.WOW!!!
"If I don't fall apart.... Will the memories stay clear
So you had to go,..... and I had to remain here
But the strangest thing to date
So far away
And yet you feel so close
And I'm not gonna question it any other way"

There's still the memorial service this weekend. If I let the flow of tears stay I think I'll be okay and be strong enough for my Mum.
We all need to change the world with more love and compassion. peace
Tanya

Ott

Wow. My condolences. I have lost a few people (though no immediate family) via suicide. It is tough and there are questions which never get answered, but be strong. If for nothing else, then for his children. Again, I am sorry for your loss. Peace.

Ott

Obsidian22

Thank you Ott, very much. My father is with my sister in law and my neices
11 and 9 years old. I go through moments of livid anger and deep sadness
I will see the girls tomorrow.
My Mum is who I am with for now. He was her son. A mother's love goes
deep.
Army Reserve is another tune that I appreciate more. I can't imagine the mothers whose sons and daughters are at war, risking their lives every moment each day they are overseas. Fuck Life is so precious.

Pearl_Jam_Necklace

Obsidian22 wrote:

This thread is about suicide. I am beside myself with grief. I am a 33 year old young woman and a sister to 2 brothers.
On tuesday July 11, 2006 in the early evening my brother Randy 39 years old
father of 2 young girls committed suicide. He went to his shed at the backyard and hung himself.
I was reluctant to write on this board but I have been listening to my favorite band with new ears and wisdom.
The new album has given me a sense of closeness. I can only imagine now
how the whole band feels about this album and it's cathartic effect for each
member .
To those who have lost a loved one and dealt with death so close to their hearts, I feel for you.
I now hear the words and feel the music in a way that can only be described
as raw and heartfelt.
World Wide Suicide and Life Wasted are painful and releasing for me.
Inside Job , thank you Mike and Eddie for writing this truly beautiful masterpiece. I only wish my brother could have heard the new album.
His inner turmoil, his pain was too much for him to bear and he was not willing to take the help that was given to him.
"Darkness comes in waves... tell me, why invite it to stay
You're warm with negativity,
Yes comfort is an energy...
But why let the sad song play?"

I cannot write much more as my tears cloud my vision.
Thank you Eddie and Mike for writing Come Back.WOW!!!
"If I don't fall apart.... Will the memories stay clear
So you had to go,..... and I had to remain here
But the strangest thing to date
So far away
And yet you feel so close
And I'm not gonna question it any other way"

There's still the memorial service this weekend. If I let the flow of tears stay I think I'll be okay and be strong enough for my Mum.
We all need to change the world with more love and compassion. peace
Tanya

(((((((((((((((((((((Tanya))))))))))))))))))))))) i hear you girl and im so sorry for your lossssssssss.my daughter died at a sleepover 191/2 months ago,the house caught fire in the night,not a day goes by that i dont want to take my life,but i try and fight it its hard,im soooooooooooooo sorrrrrrrrrrrry for your pain,if it wasnt for the music of pearl jam i too would be dead,its amazing what music can do it truly healsssssssss.god bless you

meme

I'm speechless, and so sorry...

addvs

Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. My best friend growing up hung himself when we were 16... it's one of the toughest times anyone can go through, when a loved one commits suicide. I also have lost one of my brother's and one of my sister's to cancer... so I empathize with the loss of a brother. I'll be praying for you and your family (that is, if that does not offend you). Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

All These Years

My thoughts are with you. My cousin and childhood friend committed suicide when she was 29 and I still carry that cross every day. I think of her when I hear Long Road and fall to tears every time. As in Life Wasted, we all should appreciate our courage to stay in this world and our constant struggle to survive and face the obstacles that meet us at every corner. Love boat Captain is a strong inspiration and yes "It can't be said enough All you need is love"

pickupyourwill

that is such a tragedy. you and your family are in my prayers.

Obsidian22

Thank you all for your kind words and sympathies and shared experiences.
There's still a sense of disbelief. I was able to sleep last night for a while and woke up with my head somewhat clearer.
Life must go on, and picking up the pieces of a broken puzzle will take time
to put back together.
Thank you for all your prayers.

pjalive21

this is just really sad and my condolences...

i dont get suicide..because the only people who suffer are the ones left behind

ive thought about it before and the end result is always the same, not doing it because its the easy way out and in the end it wont be me suffering it will be everyone else

IwasBit10

I've thought about it a lot myself...suicide and all...particularly once I got to college. My best friend growing up, his older brother was the all-american poster child; top of his class academically, captain of the soccer team, prom king, all that stuff. And he shot himself 4 months into his freshman year in college. I was only 12 at the time, so it never really hit me until I got older to what exactly he did. I agree, it leaves everyone else to deal with the pain and some view it as the easy way out. I refuse to view it as cowardly, because pain is unique to each person and we cannot judge them b/c they did something based off of the pain that we will never feel. Just like how each PJ song provides a different feeling to everyone. It is amazing how music can provide help in life, and so wonderful.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and everyone else's on this thread. It is our job as human beings to stick together and pick up the man next to you when he is down.

"Won't let the darkness swallow me"

Obsidian22

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. The funeral/memorial was Monday. I spent the last few days with my sister in law and neices and father. Oh and the rest of the whole clan. My brother Randy had a lot of friends and family members who loved him. I had my game face on and handed out programs to loved ones. I snuck out behind the funeral home with other friends and family members every half hour for a cigarette. It wasn't easy but I stayed sober until we got back to the house for a catered meal. Lots of fresh fruit and dips and veggies and little sandwiches and pizza and salad. I drank 3 glasses of white wine and ate and sat in front of the boom box listening to his favorite songs like Twilight Zone.
When I was 15 ,I would stay at my brother's apartment on the weekend to get away from my Mother. He and his buddies would go out to the bar and I would stay back and rummage through his vinyl records and play them. My favorite was and still is Twilight Zone by Golden Earring. Clocks in about 8 minutes and long enough to dance and have a smoke to. I couldn't play The Rolling Stones Some Girls. Shattered! No way. I played Bruce Springsteen's Greatest Hits and Bob Seegers Greatest hits cd.
The best part of the day was meeting Louise and Steve married for 30 years and both are bikers.They wore their leather and Harley gear and rode their beautiful touring Harley to my brothers house. I asked Steve for a ride he said "yeah of course!" My 8 and a half year old neice heard and wanted a ride too. So Louise and I dressed her with pants and boots and sunglasses and the helmut and off she rode. It was the first time since her Daddy's death that her face truly lit up. I took about 10 photos. That's the memory I will keep of the memorial. We also had a huge water balloon fight. It was 35 degrees in Toronto and humidity felt like 43 degrees.
Love and peace to all

Obsidian22

It's been 6 weeks since my brother hanged himself. There are more questions
than answers. Who I thought he was, is not who he became.
He had one ton of steel fall on his head at work 2 years ago. He was wearing his work helmut when the beam fell on him. Fighting with workers compensation, loss of livelihood, excruciating headaches, depression, excessive mood swings. He was on alot of prescribed meds. Anti-depressants are what i blame most of his downward spiral on. He also used cocaine in the last 6 months.
It's all mind boggling to me. The newest piece of information I have is that
he indeed left a note, carved into a slab of wood. Apparently his friend
Stewey, from the steel working days hung himself 6 months ago.
On the slab of wood my brother Randy carved:
To Stewey, DON'T DO IT !
The Devil isn't ready for the both of us.

"cause there is but You, and something within You
It's taken control,..Let's beat IT, get up let's Go!
Oh You're in your own world, let's see the whole world
Let's pick up your SOUL