Two Year Anniversary of a review of Fenway N1

BlackCircle

***PLEASE NOTE: REVIEWS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY...THIS IS NOT AN ACCURATE PORTRAIT OF THE CONCERT***

Real reviews of the show can be found elsewhere.

If you have misplaced your sense of humor or you are the type of person who barks back at dogs, please consult your doctor before reading further.

Pearl Jam
Fenway Park
Boston, MA
September 2nd, 2018

This is dedicated to the cacafuego who couldn't stop farting and thought it would be ironic to wear a Nirvana shirt. I can appreciate the music and the sentiment, but don't be a fucking putz. At least be original if you're gonna be ironic, and if you're gonna fart all night just let us know in advance so I don't dance into that invisible wall of hot beef chimigangas.

Can we get on with the show please?

It comes as no surprise the evening begain with a slow steady warmup. Like Wrigley N1, Ed & Company were doing some over the bra stuff.

Sometimes, Release, Low Light, EWBTCIAST. Now... if you want to seduce a woman, you could just say these four songs out loud and you'd be knuckle deep. The good news for us, we got to hear them live and I can't speak for anyone else but I had a little eargasm at the end of this four song opening.  (Release will be discussed later... in my drunken stupor writing this, I transposed Release with Black in a video outside Fenway).

Yes... I'm a dumbass. 

The mentioned songs above were all fairly straight forward, nothing spectacular. Just a decent warm up before the Rock 'n rolla style backhand Ed gave us to the face when he slapped us with Why Go and it blistered through our brain sockets.

No one wanted to hear a five song slow dance, which is why Why Go after Elderly took us from a spin on the tea cups to a reverse Space Mountain will doing Cowgirl with a sorority girl on cocaine.

Did they kick the doors off Fenway to start like Wrigley N2? No. However, they certainly ripped the mirrors out of the bathrooms and trashed the room once they got inside. I say that because up next was Corduroy and Mind Your Manners.

#1 - It's Corduroy. It's FROM the band TO the fans. Corduroy is a lot like sex. Even if it's not great, it's amazing... so... go blow yourself if you didn't like it buttass. Vitalogy forever!

#2 - Mind Your Manners is a new one... but the kids love it... so just put your Pearl Jam penis away for two seconds and enjoy a good rock n roll song. You can stroke you ego later.

Next up after MYM, is Down. Which is just a good old fasioned jammy good time. It was clear at this point, the band is enjoying the fact it's not FUCKING HOT (as Ed mentioned) and bolts of lightning weren't destroying families.

Down is fun and your mother thinks so, too.

After the shaking our little asses to Down we were Given to Fly... and, well... you know, it's Given To Fly. What can I compare the beautiful crescendo of GTF with? It's like when you're making buttermilk biscuits, and you can see them in the skillet, slowly rising from the flat doughy embryo cresting over the edge of the black cast iron. Turning yellow then a golden brown. From out of the oven you have birthed this flakey amazement and you can't wait to SHOVE IT IN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.

I should mention, after G. Fly, are at a crosaroads. We could go down two paths. One path takes us to the heavens with something crushing from Riot Act or... we could get a mediocre Avacado song.

Ed chose the later, and I applaud the effort. Maybe Army Reserve is someone's favorite song. Its a good one... it's not what I would have picked. Then again, Ed didn't ask me. And also, like I said, this is just my opinion and I'm sure 90% of the people who started reading this have already given up so in realty I'm only writing to like 6 people right now, one of which might be my mom.

Annnd...coming up is a moment you wish you could relive everyday for the rest of your life. Spoiler alert, this next song features one of Mike's incendiary solos. Anyone who complains about Even Flow should really die in a tire fire. Because THAT my friends was like train with no brakes, unstoppable.

Ed felt we needed some water after Mike lit our hair on fire, and delivered a slowed down and haunting version Amongst The Waves. Maybe it wasn't slowed down...maybe Mike played so fucking amazing during Even Flow that we went into the future and when I was reentering my body it just sounded slower. I don't know any more people! I'm at FENWAY PARK!

Holy Mary with a cherry... I'm exahusted just listening to this performance. We have a loooong way to go so buckle up.

Daughter > Its Ok > W.M.A (tag) got the crowd singing as always and its a good resting place for the Got Some > Evolution > I A Patriot POW BIFF BAM Batmanesque knock out punches Ed tried to kill us with.

And like Mortal Combat, as the Fenway crowd staggered back dumbfaced you could clearly hear a voice over the stadium scream "FINISH THEM"....just as the fast and furious guitar riffs of Lukin ripped our hearts out and was fed to us still beating.

As our lifeless corpses were about to hit the floor that unmistakable "Pearl Jam sound" comes crackling through the airwaves... WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WORLD RUNNING TO...

Please Mike...don't hurt 'em. Annnnnnd were dead.

Just another nasty solo... I mean the video screens at one point burst into flames. Fucking Mike was insane tonight.

Can we take a break?

Thank the Lord.  Set II will begin after a short intermission

Set II:

Pick your face up off the floor and raise your lighters. For all you pussies out their, turn on your cell phone flashlights. Fucking technology. I love the guy beside me with the old school Bic who gave zero fucks and kept his flame going for the entire Tom Petty tribute.

I Won't Back Down is a cool thing to witness live. Even with the smell of burning flesh lingering above me.

Is ANYONE still reading this garbage novel?

One guy? Shall we continue, my good man?

Have you ever sceen the SNL sketch with Sully and Denise, the over affectionate Boston teenagers who scream NOMAAAHH?

Yeah... they sat in front of me. I shit you not.

Let me paint a picture.

He's 6'2" tall wearing a blue (not green) Larry Bird jersey. Guns out. A sideways Sox hat and basketball shorts with socks and flipflops. She's 4'9"... WASTED... and Just Breathe comes on.

I couldn't tell if the were grudge fucking each other or fighting or she was jerking him off while he choked her, but it was not pleasant or romatic for anyone. They were singing to each other like they were dying on the Titanic and these were their last moments on earth. I wish I had gotten it on camera.

Back to the regularly scheduled Pearl Jam concert already on progress.

So, Ed plays a couple slow tunes and then brings out Present Tense which as we all know is the perfect song to transistion from the slow stuff to the wicked hahd stuff.

Which is exactly what happened... as Once came firing at us like a canon ball. Ed took to the crowd and held hands with people in the front row and Mike Fucking McCready... that evil genius ripped open the gapping wound he had already inflicted. He used his guitar like a scalpel and removed our skin and wore it like his own personal dress suit.

Thats how good McCready was tonight. He murdered us, and wore our skin as a suit.

BUT WAIT... there's more.
Can I even write this? I feel weak and emotionally drained and we've got 8 songs to go.
Suck it up!!!! Here we go again...

State of Love and Trust comin' in hot watch your back. Hey oh hey oh hey oh....nah na na na heeeyyy!! And Mike goes nuts, AGAIN.
Name the last time you got a George Clinton/ P-Funk rap during State of Love?
Yeah... THAT happened

Bowmp bowmp bowmp bowmp bowph bowmp... Winded is the sailor... drifting by the storm... Wounded is the organ he left... bloodied on the shore.|  I'm pretty sure this sums up the entire night. Just bloody and beaten by Pearl Jam.

Black is a crowd sing along that never disappoints, if you didn't see/ hear the video of the guy filmed outside of Fenway during Black, its pretty cool to hear 30,000 people sing along. I mean... I heard it... because i was there, but to hear it outside like that was cool.

****NEEDLE SCRATCH**** 
It has just been brought to my attention that whilst writing this at 7am still drunk, my brain shit itself, and misremembered the song in the video.
The video outside Fenway of the crowd singing is Release not Black. Thanks for making me look bad alcohol.... 
****BACK TO THE WORST REVIEW EVER*****

We are nearly complete with this god awful review. If you're still with me Anthony, you're a better man than most.

Out comes Bill Janovitz from Buffalo Tom to play Taillights Fade from their 1992 album Let Me Come Over. I like this song, even though a solid portion of the auidence took a bathroom break right here. Ed REALLY pumps this song up and gives it a much harder edge than the bubble gum original.

But here's the crazy part, BLOOD from out of the depths of hell... you can see why Blood gets less and less concert time as the years go on. Most people wouldn't be able to sing Blood and speak normally the following morning. I'm sure it's tough on Ed's voice.

Last three songs get kicked off with the fun bouncy jingle Outta My Mind. This is pure fun... and the guys clearly enjoy these lighter "less serious" songs. Pearl Jam can be heavy at times so songs like this and Down are great.

Midway through Alive, the house lights came up, and the band played on... Mike nailed another guitar bending solo while Matt, Jeff, Boom and Stone kept the ship on the right course as always. As stadium anthems go, you dont get much better than the crowd chanting ending to Alive.

And at last, we've reach the end of the show with the house lights fully illuminating the entire stadium we say goodbye for now to Pearl Jam and ROCK OUT the door to Keep on Rockin' in the Free World.

So... what have we learned today kids?

A few things:

1) Mike might be a serial killer.
2) Eddie Vedder is better than all of us.
3) Nirvana t-shirts at Pearl Jam concerts are stupid.
4) I'm a long winded fuck who doesn't know dick about Pearl Jam.
5) And Fenway Night 1 has been the beat show of the tour.

Objectively speaking obviously.

See you monkeyfuckers Tuesday!!!!

**Add ons**
Do yourself a favor and pay attention the the bass sized dildo Jeff shoves up your ass during P. Tense