I know that songs can mean different things to many people, and could even mean something else as the author intents. (I experienced this myself as a writer and poet.) But the last three songs of Gigaton hits me close at home, thinking about my mother that has passed away in January. The realization hasnt settled in yet and in other moments it hits me like a sledgehammer. I cant call her anymore. Cannot talk to her anymore and the world has lost its color in a way. Some moments I think of a cruise we once took (it would be our last vacation solely together). She loved the evening entertainment and would sit there in a chair near the stage, while the cabaret did its routine. (I was bored after two nights and would take the oppertunity to enjoy the night sky.) Sometimes I would sneak in though and watch her from a distance and I saw her glow. She was so short, her feet didnt even touch the ground. It melted me. There was so much happiness and vulnerability in her face. I dont know if she saw me. I dont know if she knew she was observed. I know I never told her. I planned to, but as many things in life routine and disagreements and other bs gets in the way. We always think we have more time than we have. But time is elusive. And there are moments that you realize how shortlived things really are: we simply never have enough time.
I wish I had told her. This song reflects to me the conflict of feelings all at the same time. Especially the lines below, which as a poet I think are of extreme beauty. Theye combines all the complexity of mourning. The contradictions. The love. The sadness. And the endless silence. It is silence that speaks the loudest. It is the silence that kills you.
"Sadness comes 'cause some of it was mine..."
And the following lines are also of a profound beauty (and I am a poet myself:)
"Evidence in the echoes of your mind
Leads me to believe we missed the signs
Can I try one last time?"
"Where you been? Cannot find
A glimpse of my friend
Don't know where or when one of us left
The other behind
Divisions came and troubles multiplied
Incisions made by scalpel blades of time".
I will discuss Retrogade tomorrow.