More Than A Few Have Asked About Given To Live Recently...

IamTom · February 2020

Here you go...

Answering A Question I’ve Been Asked A Lot Lately.

Why did you start Given To Live?

I’d best go back to the beginning. A privileged upbringing that included many forms of abuse. Boarding school from eight years old that left me believing I wasn’t wanted. Punishment for being ‘naughty’...or was it simply for being a child. Beatings, hair pulling.

But I was fortunate I was good at sport. And naughty. Both got me attention. I’d never let them see the pain of the beating or the confusion of ‘this hurts me more than you.’

Two alcohol dependent parents, frequent chaos at home, school I hated, sexual abuse. All buried deeply because it was safest as no one would listen. But when I left school at 16 I wasn’t a ‘star’, abliet in a very small pool. Everything was still buried but now I was a nobody amongst millions trusting no one, speaking on the surface about sport, music...anything but the pain, the trauma.

Drinking came naturally. I swore I’d never do drugs or needles. I drank when I had money, didn’t when I didn’t. As I got older I lived with my brother and he was my boss at my dad’s small business. I was drinking more or swapping to dope because, unfortunately, even at 18/19 I knew I had a drink problem.

Working kept me in check, just drank on a Friday or when I went to football. I kept trying to stop. Then the suicidal fantasies started. I didn’t think I’d live to 30, didn’t particularly want to but figured I’d by then anyway. Not feeling safe to speak to my family I went to a GP, he gave me some meds. I’ve no idea if they worked.

I just kept fantasising about killing myself which in turn led to my work suffering then being fired by my brother. I eventually told him a few months ago why my work was suffering.

So it seemed alcohol was the answer, then I found coke. A blessing in disguise as I fell so hard I checked myself into rehab. I was ‘clean’ for 7 years then tried a drink or two. What followed was a horrific 3 years of overdoses, homelessness, desperation until I found a local rehab that was more gentle and holistic. That was 14 or 15 October’s ago, I don’t count.

In ‘13 I realised I needed to celebrate actually being alive and asked myself what do I love doing...seeing Pearl Jam and travelling. I’d missed shows after I’d cleaned up again because I simply couldn’t afford it so I gave myself my gift - 5 shows in the Fall of ‘13. At the Oakland show incidents, conversations and raising some funds for someone who’d been robbed planted the seeds for Given To Live.

I had no contacts in the industry but a dream to make live music accessible to all and to do it in a way that’s unique and purely designed that our guest, for at least one day is a VIP.

We cover the cost of tickets, a night, or sometimes 2 if they need to travel in in a nice hotel, we have artists create unique posters just for them. Meals and a trip to the merch stand are covered. It’s our guests day and Given To Love’s job is to accompany, make everything as stress free as possible and essentially be their PA.

Occasionally I still battle my depression, usually when I feel GTL isn’t enough so I’m not enough and I spiral down.

We believe everyone matters and that’s why we also focus on mental health, domestic violence survivors as well as physical and learning difficulties.

We up to around 55 shows, right now, thanks to the Fab Four, we’ve been able to say yes to a show on our 6th anniversary weekend back where it all started in Oakland for Reece and his mum and dad.

We love the full circle and hope there’s at least 55 more shows after this one. They seem to come in flurries which helps us raise funds.

Thank you all who have and still continue to support our mission...the make sure our guests feel like they matter. Without you, your donations, support we just wouldn’t exist. You’re very much part of Given To Live.

Thank you,

Tom

GTL

#BecauseYouMatter

#MentalHealthMatters

hedonist · February 2020

Thanks so much for sharing your story, and the birth of your incredible idea.

Keep rising from those ashes

dcp3y · February 2020

Tom, thank you for finding your way through the darkness. Sharing your love of music with others is such a cool gift. You matter!
Keep on rockin’ in the free world!!