you and your family

Thoughts_Arrive

Just wondering if I'm alone here in having absolutely nothing in common with my family other than shared genes.

For example, everytime I see my sister she never takes interest in me. If I start talking about my songwriting or paintings or cooking she doesn't respond other than to change topics. I feel like there's no communication between us no matter how hard I try. She was in the car with me this morning as we had to go pick up a cake. Most of the drive was in silence. And she never asks how I'm doing with my mental health. I feel like she doesn't care. She only talks about herself.

I'm the only artistic one in the family and only one who doesn't buy into this married with kids and house and 9-5 job ideal.

We're having a family lunch today and I'm dreading it like I always do. There's never anything to talk about that we have common interest in. I just find them all uninspiring. My friends and their partners are more family than my biological family.

cp3iverson

Pretty normal.  Im lucky that i get along great with my wife/kids/parents/siblings but i will say that im nothing like my siblings.  We do get along tho. 

Seems like a lot of my friends thru the years have said the same thing as you tho. 

Thoughts_Arrive

My brother in law with his racism as usual, making an offensive reference to Indigenous Australians.
Pretty disgusting. But I am not confrontational and today isn't the day as it is my parents' wedding anniversary but fuck I am seething.

brianlux

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Just wondering if I'm alone here in having absolutely nothing in common with my family other than shared genes.

For example, everytime I see my sister she never takes interest in me. If I start talking about my songwriting or paintings or cooking she doesn't respond other than to change topics. I feel like there's no communication between us no matter how hard I try. She was in the car with me this morning as we had to go pick up a cake. Most of the drive was in silence. And she never asks how I'm doing with my mental health. I feel like she doesn't care. She only talks about herself.

I'm the only artistic one in the family and only one who doesn't buy into this married with kids and house and 9-5 job ideal.

We're having a family lunch today and I'm dreading it like I always do. There's never anything to talk about that we have common interest in. I just find them all uninspiring. My friends and their partners are more family than my biological family.

On the one hand, it sucks that your family isn't more responsive to you.  On the other hand- being artistically creative, caring about your mental health, not buying into the prescribed perfect little world some people think is the way it should be for others- I think you got the better deal by being you.  I know that doesn't make it any easier to have an uncaring family, but I'd rather be like you any day.  I have and have had friends who did the whole "have kids and 9-5 career" thing and I care about them a lot.  But I've always related way more to the creative/ unconventional/ artistic/ free-thinker types.  It took me a long time, but I eventually found that by accepting and liking those traits in myself and being fine with that, others became more accepting of me as well because they could tell that I stand firm by my way of being and see it as being a good thing.

What and who you are is a fine thing.  Much of the world doesn't give credence to artistic/ creative types, but that does not make being artistic and creative anything less than how others are.  In fact, I'd go so far as to say being creative is a gift.  It can be a tough road, but it is a noble and good road. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Thanks Brian.

I at times wish I was like the rest of society so I didn't care.

brianlux

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thanks Brian.

I at times wish I was like the rest of society so I didn't care.

  I get it, my friend. 

I'll be off here again due to the next power outage- hopefully back by Monday or Tuesday.  Hang in there in the mean time.

Thoughts_Arrive

You too man. Thanks

Thoughts_Arrive

A riveting day where I had to listen to conversations about Gucci handbags and the latest Kardashians show on Netflix.

Spiritual_Chaos

I have enough in common, and is happy about that.

My mom goes to the cinema a lot and keeps updated, so we talk a lot about film. And how sad it is we did not get the chance to see Leonard Cohen live once more.

With dad, there is a lot of talk about how the world is going to shit and Neil Young and after every new album "how he has lost it".

My brothers also join in on the Neil Young talk at family dinners, or we talk about some new thing Nintendo has done and "how they have lost it".

With my sister it's more talk about her kids and our jobs, and about how irritating mom and dad are in different ways. She is watching through the A Nightmare on Elm Street series now though, so randomly I can get a text about that.


But not having much in common with ones family isn't all that uncommon. There are two brothers out of Manchester, england who doesn't even speak to eachother at all. Etc. And they would have The Beatles and Manchester City to talk about.

Spiritual_Chaos

And bringing up mental health can be tricky and not that comfortable for all people - out of respect for the person having the problems. I don't know anything about you and your sisters relationship. But her not bringing it up, doesn't have to mean she doesn't care. But maybe she brings up her worries (if there are any) with you mom/dad and not directly with you.

Thoughts_Arrive

Your family sounds cool. I wish I could talk about movies and music with my parents. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Spiritual_Chaos said:

And bringing up mental health can be tricky and not that comfortable for all people - out of respect for the person having the problems. I don't know anything about you and your sisters relationship. But her not bringing it up, doesn't have to mean she doesn't care. But maybe she brings up her worries (if there are any) with you mom/dad and not directly with you.

She better not as I told her to never tell them.

Malroth

The only real rift in my family is when dad remarried 4 months after mom died.

Their are questions in this scenario you don't want to ask.

We will be fine.

I do have a racist father in law.  It is hard for me to handle this situation as I usually just stay away or keep quite as not to yell at him.

which I have done a time or two.

Thoughts_Arrive

I was so furious last night I could have smashed shit up.

Meltdown99

I moved out of my parents' home some 33 years ago.  Other than spending a few nights there, I have never moved back home.  Not that they are bad people, it is me, I have been independently minded for as long as I can remember and always wanted to live on my own.  20 years ago I moved an hour away.  They would show up unannounced...I did not like that.  

It's important to remember that family will tolerate you when others would not.  

People who live with their folks into adulthood, would your best friend lets you live there rent-free or if not rent-free at least affordable rent?  My brother had substance abuse issues and often ended up back home...he always knew they would never see him homeless.  His friends would allow him a few weeks, but friends do have limits and boundaries need to be drawn.

dankind

Meltdown99 said:

I moved out of my parents' home some 33 years ago.  Other than spending a few nights there, I have never moved back home.  Not that they are bad people, it is me, I have been independently minded for as long as I can remember and always wanted to live on my own.  20 years ago I moved an hour away.  They would show up unannounced...I did not like that.  

It's important to remember that family will tolerate you when others would not.  

People who live with their folks into adulthood, would your best friend lets you live there rent-free or if not rent-free at least affordable rent?  My brother had substance abuse issues and often ended up back home...he always knew they would never see him homeless.  His friends would allow him a few weeks, but friends do have limits and boundaries need to be drawn.

I guess I’m a shitty family member then because I’ve had my mother arrested and thrown in jail before. 

I’ve told my kids I’d do the same to them. 

I’m a human before I’m anyone’s son, father, husband, etc.