Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

darwinstheory · January 2019

Yes

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Plus, why would she want a guy 8 years her junior? Women are attracted to older guys. It's a proven fact and another thing I've learned in my university studies.

Stop reading buzzfeeds articles about what women want.

This was taught to students last semester in a social psychology unit. Taught by my lecturer, based on evidence from many studies over many years. Plus it was in the prescribed text book on social psychology which I still have. Everything I say is not from stupid online articles but from evidence from studies of women and what they want.

And yet, there are SO many women who have much younger long term partners. How odd!
Seriously, saying that all women are only attracted to older guys is about the dumbest generalization I've ever heard, as well as one of the easiest to disprove. Whoever managed to convince you that that is a concrete fact should be fired.

◆ Evolutionary psychologists say that women seek men with financial security or traits predictive of future success in order to ensure the survival of their offspring.

◆ By contrast, men seek women who are young and attractive (physical attributes that signal health and fertility) and are not promiscuous (an attribute that diminishes certainty of paternity).

Source:

(Kassin, 2015, p. 323)

Kassin, Saul. Social Psychology: Australian and New Zealand Edition. Cengage Learning AUS, 20150331. VitalBook file.

"in an initial test of this theory, Buss (1989) and a team of researchers surveyed 10,047 men and women in 37 cultures in north and South america, asia, africa, eastern and Western europe, and the pacific. all respondents were asked to rank-order and rate the importance of various attributes in choosing a mate. the results were consistent with predictions. Both men and women gave equally high ratings to certain attributes, such as ‘having a pleasant disposition’. in the vast majority of countries, however, ‘good looks’ and ‘no previous experience in sexual intercourse’ were valued more by men, whereas ‘good financial prospect’ and ‘ambitious and industrious’ were more important to women. analyses of personal advertisements appearing in magazines and newspapers have similarly revealed that in the dating marketplace the ‘deal’ is that women offer beauty, while men offer wealth (Feingold, 1992a; rajecki et al., 1991; Sprecher et al., 1994). in the words of one investigator, the search for a heterosexual mate seems to feature ‘men as success objects and women as sex objects’ (davis, 1990)."

(Kassin, 2015, p. 296)

Kassin, S., Fein, S., & Markus, H. R., McBain, K. A., & Williams, L. A. (2015) Social psychology: Australian & New Zealand Edition. Melbourne, Australia: Cengage Learning.

Dude, if you are this far into a degree in psychology, you should be able to understand that broad trends and inclinations in testing scenarios are illustrative, but of little use in the real world.
At least half of the women who answered those questions loves a man who doesn't conform to what they themselves indicated with their answers.

If you can't understand the difference between these kinds of studies and the real way people behave...you should find another field.
Psychology is a bit of a joke on it's own, but when it's treated like fact the way you here, it's worthless.

Regarding the Incel deal, PJSoul isn't the only one who thinks you are treading dangerous waters.
You have to get 2 things through your head in order to fully respect women...
1. Women are not a monolith that all want the same thing.
2. You DON'T KNOW what a particular woman wants until you get to know her.

Somebody joked that you don't know, some women just want the D. It's a joke, but it's not. It's literally true, in many cases.
Just because she has ovaries doesn't mean she wants a strong man with success indicators to take care of her.
You do a disservice to women by assuming what they think, feel, and want. I think a large part of it is just you being overdramatic, woe is me kind of stuff...but Incel hatred starts with lumping women together as an "other" that is feared and then later hated.

I don't believe you hate women, but I see it as the path to the dark side.

Okay Yoda lol.
I'm not saying that women all want the same thing. Most according to studies.
My niece and a girl I went to university with both said they want to marry a rich man, what does that tell you?

You asked, don't be offended by people's comments.

It tells me that your niece and the girl you went to college may very well be materialistic, shallow, naive, young and/or not currently very well off.

Keep in mind, we also have no idea in what context these ladies said it either.

rgambs · January 2019

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said: and

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

A good personality and little confidence goes a looooooonnnnnnnnnng way with a lot of women.

And yes T_A... your attitude about women is 100% offensive, and what makes more people than just me worry that you're well on your way to being a fucking incel. Perhaps that is what's driving women away from you??

I am offended that you are labelling me as a future incel. I don't hate women. I don't harbour animosity towards women. I ask you to retract your statement and apologise.

I'm not labeling you as a future incel and I'm not apologizing. I said that the way you talk (including that time when you literally said you're like an incel, lol) makes people worry that you're on your way to becoming one. The way you speak of women is demeaning... and I don't see you apologizing for that.

I said that because I am a virgin who cannot get laid. That makes me an incel by the definition 'involuntary celibate', no?
How am I demeaning women?
I didn't say all but that studies have shown most women want a financially successful guy.

And studies have shown most men want a woman with large breasts, is that going to be a major determinant in who you love?

Thoughts_Arrive · January 2019

Yes

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said: and

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

A good personality and little confidence goes a looooooonnnnnnnnnng way with a lot of women.

And yes T_A... your attitude about women is 100% offensive, and what makes more people than just me worry that you're well on your way to being a fucking incel. Perhaps that is what's driving women away from you??

I am offended that you are labelling me as a future incel. I don't hate women. I don't harbour animosity towards women. I ask you to retract your statement and apologise.

I'm not labeling you as a future incel and I'm not apologizing. I said that the way you talk (including that time when you literally said you're like an incel, lol) makes people worry that you're on your way to becoming one. The way you speak of women is demeaning... and I don't see you apologizing for that.

I said that because I am a virgin who cannot get laid. That makes me an incel by the definition 'involuntary celibate', no?
How am I demeaning women?
I didn't say all but that studies have shown most women want a financially successful guy.

And studies have shown most men want a woman with large breasts, is that going to be a major determinant in who you love?

Look, all I'm saying is I don't like my chances being found attractive seeing I am unemployed and based on studies showing many women prefer successful guys.

hedonist · January 2019

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFGvtDyYjlA

njnancy · January 2019

Yes

I thought this thread had petered out - I obviously was very wrong.

Wow.

bflynn1 · January 2019

njnancy said:

I thought this thread had petered out - I obviously was very wrong.

Wow.

Not petered out, and no peters being taken out either apparently...

Hobbes · January 2019

njnancy · January 2019

Yes

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5021252/uploads/editor/tk/m6qbim6au6m8.jpeg

Thoughts_Arrive · January 2019

Yes

Being wrongly labelled as a potential Incel has really bummed me out.
I went out for lunch with my nieces and was hiding the hurt.
Thank you for fucking with my mental health.
I'm out of here.
Don't tag me, don't involve me anymore.

Thirty Bills Unpaid · January 2019

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Being wrongly labelled as a potential Incel has really bummed me out.
I went out for lunch with my nieces and was hiding the hurt.
Thank you for fucking with my mental health.
I'm out of here.
Don't tag me, don't involve me anymore.

Thoughts... come on man.

Annafalk · January 2019

Yes

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Being wrongly labelled as a potential Incel has really bummed me out.
I went out for lunch with my nieces and was hiding the hurt.
Thank you for fucking with my mental health.
I'm out of here.
Don't tag me, don't involve me anymore.

Don’t be sad, TA. People say all kinds of crap all the time. I’ve also been hurt with what some might say. I believe you are a great guy, you haven’t put anyone down. What you’ve said is only things to defend yourself.

Meltdown99 · January 2019

Yes

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said: and

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

A good personality and little confidence goes a looooooonnnnnnnnnng way with a lot of women.

And yes T_A... your attitude about women is 100% offensive, and what makes more people than just me worry that you're well on your way to being a fucking incel. Perhaps that is what's driving women away from you??

I am offended that you are labelling me as a future incel. I don't hate women. I don't harbour animosity towards women. I ask you to retract your statement and apologise.

I'm not labeling you as a future incel and I'm not apologizing. I said that the way you talk (including that time when you literally said you're like an incel, lol) makes people worry that you're on your way to becoming one. The way you speak of women is demeaning... and I don't see you apologizing for that.

I said that because I am a virgin who cannot get laid. That makes me an incel by the definition 'involuntary celibate', no?
How am I demeaning women?
I didn't say all but that studies have shown most women want a financially successful guy.

And studies have shown most men want a woman with large breasts, is that going to be a major determinant in who you love?

lol

HesCalledDyer · January 2019

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Plus, why would she want a guy 8 years her junior? Women are attracted to older guys. It's a proven fact and another thing I've learned in my university studies.

Stop reading buzzfeeds articles about what women want.

This was taught to students last semester in a social psychology unit. Taught by my lecturer, based on evidence from many studies over many years. Plus it was in the prescribed text book on social psychology which I still have. Everything I say is not from stupid online articles but from evidence from studies of women and what they want.

And yet, there are SO many women who have much younger long term partners. How odd!
Seriously, saying that all women are only attracted to older guys is about the dumbest generalization I've ever heard, as well as one of the easiest to disprove. Whoever managed to convince you that that is a concrete fact should be fired.

◆ Evolutionary psychologists say that women seek men with financial security or traits predictive of future success in order to ensure the survival of their offspring.

◆ By contrast, men seek women who are young and attractive (physical attributes that signal health and fertility) and are not promiscuous (an attribute that diminishes certainty of paternity).

Source:

(Kassin, 2015, p. 323)

Kassin, Saul. Social Psychology: Australian and New Zealand Edition. Cengage Learning AUS, 20150331. VitalBook file.

"in an initial test of this theory, Buss (1989) and a team of researchers surveyed 10,047 men and women in 37 cultures in north and South america, asia, africa, eastern and Western europe, and the pacific. all respondents were asked to rank-order and rate the importance of various attributes in choosing a mate. the results were consistent with predictions. Both men and women gave equally high ratings to certain attributes, such as ‘having a pleasant disposition’. in the vast majority of countries, however, ‘good looks’ and ‘no previous experience in sexual intercourse’ were valued more by men, whereas ‘good financial prospect’ and ‘ambitious and industrious’ were more important to women. analyses of personal advertisements appearing in magazines and newspapers have similarly revealed that in the dating marketplace the ‘deal’ is that women offer beauty, while men offer wealth (Feingold, 1992a; rajecki et al., 1991; Sprecher et al., 1994). in the words of one investigator, the search for a heterosexual mate seems to feature ‘men as success objects and women as sex objects’ (davis, 1990)."

(Kassin, 2015, p. 296)

Kassin, S., Fein, S., & Markus, H. R., McBain, K. A., & Williams, L. A. (2015) Social psychology: Australian & New Zealand Edition. Melbourne, Australia: Cengage Learning.

Dude, if you are this far into a degree in psychology, you should be able to understand that broad trends and inclinations in testing scenarios are illustrative, but of little use in the real world.
At least half of the women who answered those questions loves a man who doesn't conform to what they themselves indicated with their answers.

If you can't understand the difference between these kinds of studies and the real way people behave...you should find another field.
Psychology is a bit of a joke on it's own, but when it's treated like fact the way you here, it's worthless.

Regarding the Incel deal, PJSoul isn't the only one who thinks you are treading dangerous waters.
You have to get 2 things through your head in order to fully respect women...
1. Women are not a monolith that all want the same thing.
2. You DON'T KNOW what a particular woman wants until you get to know her.

Somebody joked that you don't know, some women just want the D. It's a joke, but it's not. It's literally true, in many cases.
Just because she has ovaries doesn't mean she wants a strong man with success indicators to take care of her.
You do a disservice to women by assuming what they think, feel, and want. I think a large part of it is just you being overdramatic, woe is me kind of stuff...but Incel hatred starts with lumping women together as an "other" that is feared and then later hated.

I don't believe you hate women, but I see it as the path to the dark side.

Okay Yoda lol.
I'm not saying that women all want the same thing. Most according to studies.
My niece and a girl I went to university with both said they want to marry a rich man, what does that tell you?

That your niece and a girl you went to university with are shallow and only care about luxury.

dankind · January 2019

Yes

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Being wrongly labelled as a potential Incel has really bummed me out.
I went out for lunch with my nieces and was hiding the hurt.
Thank you for fucking with my mental health.
I'm out of here.
Don't tag me, don't involve me anymore.

HesCalledDyer · January 2019

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said: and

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

A good personality and little confidence goes a looooooonnnnnnnnnng way with a lot of women.

And yes T_A... your attitude about women is 100% offensive, and what makes more people than just me worry that you're well on your way to being a fucking incel. Perhaps that is what's driving women away from you??

I am offended that you are labelling me as a future incel. I don't hate women. I don't harbour animosity towards women. I ask you to retract your statement and apologise.

I'm not labeling you as a future incel and I'm not apologizing. I said that the way you talk (including that time when you literally said you're like an incel, lol) makes people worry that you're on your way to becoming one. The way you speak of women is demeaning... and I don't see you apologizing for that.

I said that because I am a virgin who cannot get laid. That makes me an incel by the definition 'involuntary celibate', no?
How am I demeaning women?
I didn't say all but that studies have shown most women want a financially successful guy.

And studies have shown most men want a woman with large breasts, is that going to be a major determinant in who you love?

Look, all I'm saying is I don't like my chances being found attractive seeing I am unemployed and based on studies showing many women prefer successful guys.

STOP over-analyzing EVERYTHING and stop relying on antiquated "studies" to tell you what people want!! I'm not saying this to be mean or berate you, but you let every single tiny thing get to you in a major, major way. You're sitting at dinner and have to "hide your hurt" over a comment on an internet message board from earlier in the day? Come on man. Read that last sentence again and think about it for a minute. Look, I know mental health is certainly nothing to joke about or poke fun at, but you have bigger issues right now than worrying about if women find you attractive.

I will tell you this, women will absolutely not find a guy attractive who is always in this "woe is me" mindset. They definitely do not want to date a man who is always sad and sorry for himself. And I'm not calling you a "sad, sorry man," but your mentality is always one of sadness and sorrow. You need to seek professional help for that. And if you already are, it isn't working because you've maintained this attitude and outlook here as long as I can remember, so you need to find different/better help.

None of us are trying to be mean to you or put you down. We are trying to help you, it's just that sometimes the truth stings a little and can be hard to take. But there isn't much more we can do to help here, especially when every bit of advice anyone gives is met with "well, studies show this, so I must be doomed." NO! Take a step back, breath for a moment, assess the things about yourself that you need to work on to be better, and do those things. Take care of yourself man! We all want to see a good ending to your story!

Meltdown99 · January 2019

Yes

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said: and

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

A good personality and little confidence goes a looooooonnnnnnnnnng way with a lot of women.

And yes T_A... your attitude about women is 100% offensive, and what makes more people than just me worry that you're well on your way to being a fucking incel. Perhaps that is what's driving women away from you??

I am offended that you are labelling me as a future incel. I don't hate women. I don't harbour animosity towards women. I ask you to retract your statement and apologise.

I'm not labeling you as a future incel and I'm not apologizing. I said that the way you talk (including that time when you literally said you're like an incel, lol) makes people worry that you're on your way to becoming one. The way you speak of women is demeaning... and I don't see you apologizing for that.

I said that because I am a virgin who cannot get laid. That makes me an incel by the definition 'involuntary celibate', no?
How am I demeaning women?
I didn't say all but that studies have shown most women want a financially successful guy.

And studies have shown most men want a woman with large breasts, is that going to be a major determinant in who you love?

Look, all I'm saying is I don't like my chances being found attractive seeing I am unemployed and based on studies showing many women prefer successful guys.

You keep using the excuse that you have no job and are unemployed, those are 2 things you can change.